Hi, I'm Nicholeen Peck and I teach all about family relationships
and good communication all through the lens of the principle self-government.
In this video I'm answering the question what does it mean to honor your parents?
Honoring your parents is something that actually applies to everybody whether your
parents are even still alive or not, do you honor their name and what does that even look like?
So, we're going to talk about the parent-child role through the different phases of life
and what it means to honor parents. We're going to understand honoring so that we can better
do it in our relationships. When parents are honored, actually everyone is more productive
and functional. So, if you want a functional family then you're looking in the right place.
Webster's 1828 dictionary which is one of my favorite books to look for words in actually
defines honor as to revere or to respect. When a person honors someone, they have a sense of duty
toward that person. Webster also says that when you honor someone then you entertain exalted thoughts
about that person. So when you are honoring someone, this is something that happens on the inside.
I know that when we watch movies about different kingdoms and stuff, we see people bowing low
and you know bowing over to people and that that is an outward display of honoring. But all of those
outward displays should be signs of something that's on the inside, that you would want to give
service, that you would feel a sense of duty for another person, that's really what it means
to honor someone. Now, this looks different for different ages you know a little toddler
when they honor their mother or their father, they're gonna come to them and give hugs and
cuddle with them when they feel afraid because they are honoring that that's their protector,
that's their nurturer, that's someone who is giving them care at the time and they're going
to honor that role in their lives. Also when a parent honors a child, they're going to be doing
teaching and helping and comforting when the child is little like that. Now as the child grows and
they become say a teenager then at that point, the honoring looks a little bit different, doesn't it?
Still, we're going to come to our parent for some of those comfort things sometimes but usually the
focus now is going to be on helping out. Well now I have more skills, I can do more to serve my parents,
I can do more to serve the family and so now I'm going to see what needs to be done and do it
without even being asked, that would be honoring them. Also, following their values
and the morals and the cultural things that are in your home would be honoring your parents as well.
So, this is a different look than for honoring. So, when you are older and you're an adult and
you don't live under your parents roof anymore and you are off on your own, living your own life,
then the honoring looks different. It looks like they're a person that you turn to to tell things
in your life, you talk to them about stuff that's exciting to you, you maintain a connection, you
might ask them for advice, they might give advice here and there but it's a little bit more like
a friendship and you honor them in that way. You don't expect things from them when you're an adult,
you don't expect for them to pay for you when you go out to dinner anymore. No, that's not honoring
them. I love my daughter even if she has no money, she would never expect for us to pay for her for
something. We go somewhere and she automatically is gonna pay and then my husband will say oh, I'll pay
for that for you you know she's a college student or something. She doesn't expect it. When you honor
your parent especially as you're older then that means that you are taking care of yourself, you're
making it so that they don't have to take care of you anymore, that's honoring them. So you see
how it looks very different through the different phases of development, which means that we need
to understand our roles during these different phases. Years ago, I recognized that people were
having a hard time understanding their roles in the family so I wrote this book called Roles: The
Secret to Family, Business and Social Success in order to help people see how they could get on
the same page in their relationships and how they could improve their communication with each other.
If you don't understand your role, you're going to have a hard time honoring anyone. I'm going
to talk about how to better honor your parents no matter which phase of development you might
be in. I'm also going to be talking about how to help your children honor you if you happen to
be the parent but before I get to that, click that subscribe button. There are a lot of great videos
on this channel that relate to improving your relationships. You're not going to want to miss
them so subscribe now. The number one thing that you can do to honor your parents is establish a
really good connection. This means that you have to be bonded together. You need to look at each other
on a regular basis, you need to have conversations with each other on a regular basis so you need to
have time to talk to that other person. Now maybe they're not a big talker, even if you just sit in
the room with them, acknowledge them, value them, they will feel that. Just looking in a person's
eyes shows them how much you care about them and you value them so you're going to want to
definitely deliberately connect to your parents even if there may be a bad moment that's going
on or just previously happened where they kind of got angry or something, still look at them with a
loving heart. Remember that honoring is a condition of heart so you need to show that condition of
heart with your look, with your words, with your action. I know that it can be hard to take a lot
of time to talk but parents absolutely bond to you when you tell them things that are going on
in your life and you act like you want them to know. So whether you do or you don't really want
them to know all the things in your life, take some time to tell them things so that they feel
like they're closer to you. This one should be a no-brainer but it's amazing how many people
don't do this and that is just be honest. Be honest in your relationships with your parents. If you are
misleading them in any way, if you're trying to not disappoint them so you tell them lies,
that is bad. That does not honor the relationship and they will feel disconnected from you. So maybe
you're trying to connect with them but then at the same time trying to keep them out of certain
parts of your life and so you're being dishonest about that, they can feel that and then there's
this disconnection that occurs so be honest about things. If there's something you need to talk about,
if maybe there's something you don't get along about or you have different viewpoints on,
talk about it in honest ways but be sure to accept that they might have a different viewpoint than
you and hopefully they will do the same thing for you. So, this brings me to skills and parents,
if you're hoping to teach your children to honor you, I hope you're switching some of these things
into your perspective because they all apply. You need to make plans for connection, communication
and always be honest with your children too and teach them the skills that they need for success.
So let's talk about these skills. So, I teach parenting all over the world and this is my
main book. It's called Parenting A House United. In this book, I talk about a variety of skills
that parents and children both need to know so that they communicate better. When you have
good communication skills, it actually shows that you honor each other. Some of the skills for good
communication that you can teach your children are actually contained in these four books.
These books teach following instructions, accepting "no" answers and criticism, accepting consequences
and disagreeing appropriately. Even adults need to learn how to disagree appropriately.
If you can't disagree in a way where people still feel understood and they feel safe then
you might need a skill for it. So let's talk about disagreeing appropriately, that's probably one of
the best skills that you can use to honor your parents. Sometimes you need to tell them something
and you need to do it in a way that is appropriate and respectful. So when you respect
someone, that shows that you regard them highly, which is another way to say that you're honoring
someone. So, what you do if you have a differing of opinions with another person is you look at them,
you keep a calm face, voice and body then you say that you understand their point of view. You then
share your point of view, listen to what they have to say about it, maybe even repeat back some
of what they said so that they know you truly understood what they had to say and then you
say okay and drop the subject. Now, maybe you aren't going to agree with them every single
time about everything but you still have to honor their role as a parent in your life, especially
if you're a minor and you still live in their house. Either one or the other of those, you've
got to honor the person you're living with and the person who is providing a roof over your head. So
you say okay, you drop the subject. If you're already outside the house and you definitely can't
agree with whatever it is then you might say okay well, I understand that's where you're coming from
and still choose to drop the subject. There's no point in talking about it again and again.
Wearing someone down is not a sign of honoring them. One of the most important things that you
can do to honor your parents is maintain a tone of calmness. I have a calm parenting
tool kit that I think you will really enjoy. In fact I would like to give it to you for free.
In the description below this video, there is a link to the calm parenting toolkit. The link says
teachselfgov.com/toolkit. Click on the link to that calm parenting toolkit today and you can
get the 10 lessons that you need for how to be calm when someone else isn't, how to help them
be calm without losing your calmness at the same time. Click on the link now, I'll see you there.