Imagine you’re out for a blissful swim,
trying to catch a glimpse
of some beautiful whales.
The sun is shining,
the water feels refreshing and ...
uh oh,
something just brushed past your leg.
Something slimy,
slithery,
something really,
really big.
A giant squid has decided
you’re its next meal.
Giant squids are one of the ocean’s
most enduring mysteries.
They live in the deepest waters of the ocean
and are rarely seen by humans.
In fact, most of the stuff
we do know about them
is from dead carcasses
that wash onto shore.
Like its smaller relatives,
the giant squid has two eyes,
a beak,
eight arms,
two feeding tentacles,
and a siphon.
All stuff you don’t want
swimming up against you.
Giant squids mostly eat deepwater fishes
and other squids,
including going full-on Hannibal Lecter
and eating their own kind.
And they do not mess around.
In fact, they're known to attack
entire schools of fish from below.
Once they grab a meal
with the suckers on their feeding tentacles,
they drag the prey down to their sharp beak.
This cuts the prey
into more manageable pieces.
And as if you weren’t already too scared
to ever go swimming again,
they start doing even more damage.
The giant squid then uses its radula,
which is like a tongue covered with teeth.
This slices and dices the prey
up into even tinier bite-sized pieces.
Dinner is served.
Maybe you should get out of the water.
Like, right now.
If you're unlucky enough
to be hunted by a giant squid,
I’ve got some bad news for you.
The giant squid’s sheer size,
strength,
speed,
and hunting abilities
would make it extremely difficult to escape.
The first stealthy move it would make
is attacking you from below.
Horrifying, right?
Well, it gets worse.
The giant squid probably isn’t going to
devour you right then and there.
It’s going to drag you into deep water
where it feels safe from its own predators.
Because its so fast,
you would definitely struggle
with the changing pressure,
and your eardrums would certainly burst.
This speedy whiplash
may also break some of your bones
from the giant squid holding you so tight.
If you’re somehow not dead
by being gripped and scraped
by the feeding tentacles,
the giant squid would use
all of its arms to bring you to its beak.
If you’re at this stage,
the hope of escape is pretty non-existent.
The giant squid is using all of its strength
to pull you in for dinner.
And I know it's a bad time to say this but,
it won’t be a quick death.
You see, giant squids have a bit of a
gag reflex problem,
so they’re going to eat you nice and slow.
This is it.
You close your eyes
and prepare to be squid food.
(Distant whale noises)
Wait, what’s that sound?
Oh yeah!
Your buddy, the sperm whale,
has come to the rescue.
Now, giant squids don’t have much
in the way of predators,
but sperm whales?
Yeah, they stay away from those guys.
Researchers have found giant squid beaks
in the stomachs of sperm whales,
and battle wounds from giant suckers
on their bodies.
This means that your new best friend
has a taste for super-sized calamari.
The giant squid isn’t going down
without a fight, though,
and will go toe-to-toe with the sperm whale.
Now, I know it would be super cool to watch,
but I think you’re forgetting something.
You're still underwater!
If by some miracle
you make it back to land in one piece,
you’re going to have quite the story to tell.
It’s a shame no one will ever believe you.
This is because giant squid sightings,
let alone attacks,
are so rare.
We still have so much to learn about them.
There could be millions of them
lurking in the deep waters
and we wouldn’t even know.
And well beyond them,
there could be tons of other creatures
lurking in unexplored parts of the ocean.
The good news is,
it can’t get any worse than a giant squid,
right?
Oh geez, I really have to stop jinxing myself.
What if the Kraken was real?
Well, that’s a story for another WHAT IF.