- Heya playa.
Is there someone with a crush on you
that you clearly don't like back,
and you want them to kinda understand that
without you being rude about it?
How do you talk to them about it?
How do you let them know you don't
like them without hurting their feelings?
I'm gonna explain how, right after this.
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I think one of the most important things
to do in these types of situations is to
put yourself in their shoes.
If you liked someone, how would you
want them to speak to you?
Would you want them to kind of just
brush you off or make fun of you,
or just kind of ignore you?
Probably not.
So in this situation, I think it's best
to avoid any of these kind of mean tactics
that are going to push them away, yes definitely,
but it's gonna hurt their feelings in the process.
I remember when I was in high school,
there was a girl that really liked me,
but I didn't really like her back.
Sure, I was good friends with her, and
I enjoyed talking to her, but I didn't
really have the same type of romantic feelings
that I knew she had about me.
And other kids in my class started to pick up on this,
so whenever they saw her talking to me and
I started to look uncomfortable, they would
come over and just interrupt those conversations
and just push her out of the way.
Now at the time, I thought this was great,
because every single time she started to flirt
with me or come on to me, the other kids
would step in and push her away.
But little did I know, that it was actually
hurting her feelings.
She felt like she wasn't being included,
and she felt like she was getting mixed
signals from me, and what I found out later
on from one of her friends was that simply
because I was engaging with her while she was
flirting with me, she took that as a sign of interest.
I wasn't being honest with her and telling
her that I didn't like her, and since I
didn't do that, she obviously thought I did.
Now you might be in a similar situation as this.
Someone likes you, but you don't really want
to be rude and telling you them you don't like
them back, so how do you go about doing it?
Well, I think the first step is to kind of
focus on being honest.
The last thing that you want to do is lead them on,
is to give them mixed signals, is to make
them think there's a chance when you know
outright that there isn't.
But what does honest look like without being mean?
Without saying something like "I don't like you,
"leave me alone."
Well, instead you might want to phrase it like this.
"Hey, I really enjoy talking to you,
"I enjoy the conversations we have, but
"I want you to know that I only see this
"as a friendship, I really value the friendship
"and I don't want to lose you as a friend,
"but I want you to know that I don't really
"see it going into anything more."
This is something you might want to text them
because it might be easier for them to read it,
to digest it and then to respond when
they feel comfortable, but if you do end up
telling them in person, be understanding
of how they respond.
They might even joke around and brush it off
say something like "Oh, I didn't think that at all,
"I don't know where you got that idea from."
Even though deep down, you know that they
did have that idea that you two could be together.
So, stay firm in your honesty, stay firm
in your message, and don't shake, don't say,
"But maybe in the future, we'll see where it goes."
If you don't honestly feel that way.
And once you convey how you feel, you should
expect things to change somewhat.
Remember, before they thought they were
building something with you, hopefully
leading up to a relationship.
But now that they know that you're only
gonna be friends, they may distance themselves
from you, they may need time apart.
They may talk to you less, and I know from
your perspective, you want to maintain that friendship.
You want things to go back to being normal,
but things aren't normal any more.
So respect their space, respect their decision
to do what they need to, and be okay with it.
I'm not saying it's gonna be easy,
maybe you felt like this person was your best friend
and now things are different, things feel out of whack.
Sometimes it just takes time to recognize that
new change of pace, the new scenario, the new
friendship that you and them are gonna have to develop.
But if they refuse to accept this reality
and keep flirting with you, and keep doing
things that are making you feel uncomfortable,
then it's even more important for you
to speak directly to them and to say, "Hey, I'm
"gonna need you to stop doing that, I only
"see you as a friend, I want you to tell me
"right now that you understand that."
These situations can be a bit tricky
to navigate, but the most important thing
to do that helps you and them is to
come from a place of compassion and understanding.
Remember, you've had crushes too before,
you know what it's like.
Now, what I want you to do is to check out
the video over there on the side to learn
all about how to maintain a friendship after you've
rejected them or after you've dealt with rejection.
It can be a tricky thing to navigate, but I've
broken down the steps on how to do it.
On that note guys, I'll catch you next time.
As always, love and peace.