Tess Brigham: The 30 something years are the perfect time to
reinvent yourself. And today I'm going to share with you three
questions you have to ask yourself if you are ready for a
reinvention. For all the best advice, guidance and support
that you need, please subscribe to my YouTube channel. I'm here
every Thursday. And I'm Tess Brigham licensed psychotherapist
and board certified coach. So let's get started. I talk a lot
about the 20 something years, the myths of the 20 something
years what the 20 something years are all about. So it may
seem strange that I'm talking about the 30s and reinvention.
But let me explain. So there are a couple of videos if you are
interested in this topic there I have a video called the myth of
the 20 something years, and I also have a video about the
quarter life crisis why Millennials are so stressed.
These are two videos that are right here on my channel, please
subscribe that you can check out. But the 20 something years
are really about exploration. There's a lot of myths about the
20 something years, a lot of people think that it's about
gotta find a career got to find a partner got to find a, you
know, a home or this or that everything by the time I'm 30 or
somehow I've blown it. And that's not at all what the 20
something years are about the 20 something years are about
exploration and finding yourself, it is a time for you
to try on different kinds of jobs and roles. It's a time for
you to date lots of different kinds of people and really
figure out what is it that I'm looking for. It's a time to
travel and see places, it's a time to see different cities and
countries and really expand your thinking and get a sense of what
is out there. And what is it that I like, and what is it that
I don't like all of life when you're young is the
possibilities are endless the right in front of you. And you
have to start to experience them. So you can start to kind
of like go I don't like this, okay, it's more like this, I
don't like that it's more like this. So that you finally get to
a point that you really narrow in on what you what's important
to you and what you value. So the 30 something years are an
awesome time to reinvent yourself. Because you are really
understanding who you are, you can finally you have a sense of
who you are and what you believe in. And you can start to make
choices and decisions that will allow you to realign and align
with what you want. For the first time. You know, when
you're 22, there's a big difference between 22 and 3222,
you're just out of college out into the world 32, you've had so
many life experiences, that you're really starting to come
into your own as a human being a level of confidence and a sense
of self. And so this is a great time for you to start to
reinvent yourself. Now, three questions that are really
important for you to ask, are these number one? Where do I
want to go? Where is it that I want to go? I've been exploring,
I've been out I've been figuring all these things? what direction
do I want to move in? Now you don't have to pick the perfect
ideal place. It doesn't have to be you can pivot and change. But
you have to have some sort of sense of where is it that you
want to go? And so if you're still struggling with that
question, this is a really good opportunity for you to start to
define your values, our values really help us better understand
ourselves, what we believe in what we don't believe in, and
the kind of life that we want. Our values are constantly
changing to the values that I had in my 20s, or even my 30s
are not the same values that I have today at age 47. Because
what I'm focusing on right now is so different than what I was
focusing on 10 years or even 20 years ago. So our values are
always evolving. That doesn't mean that you that, you know now
I'm a less ethical person or that, you know, I believe in?
Well, maybe I believed in love and kindness. One point, I don't
believe in those things anymore. It's really about what's
important to me, you know, what do I value, there are tons of
things on the web about values, and how to define your values
and figure all those things out. So there's so many things out
there, but I would really get crystal clear on what are my top
three or four values that I believe in? And asking yourself,
Am I living in those values, it's within those values that
you'll better understand who you are and where you want to go in
your life. So where do you want to go? And if you if you do know
where you want to go, that's awesome. That's great. And I'm
going to explain what how you can address that in a minute.
Number two question is this. Where are you right now? Where
are you right now? Meaning, what's happening in your life in
the moment so you have an idea of where you want to go and what
you value Believe in. So where are you now?
What in your life is working and not working? What are the things
that you want more of? What are the things that you want less
of? Now this might seem very simple, but I cannot tell you
how many people that I work with, where they don't really
ask themselves these kinds of questions like, are, am I happy
with all my friendships? My happy in my relationship? Am I
happy in my job? Am I happy in the city that I live in? These
are all really important questions. And whatever you
answer, you need to start to address those issues. Right? So
if you're saying, I have a lot of relationships that aren't
working for me, then it's about you starting to address like,
what do I do about that? Do I start to say no to spending time
with friends that feel really toxic? And I don't enjoy being
around? Do I need to shift and change my relationship with my
family members? Because I'm just kind of not willing to deal with
their, you know, their lack of boundaries or their dishonesty.
Right? It's these kinds of questions. And also, what do you
want more of? Well, I like more friends, more friends that I can
trust and believe in? It's these kinds of questions that will
help you. Alright, so number one, where do you want to go
having an idea of a direction of where you want to go? Number two
is where am i right now? what's working and not working? And
what are the steps that I need to take to get myself more of
where I want to be? And then the last one is, number three, is
what do I need to start to do today? To begin to move in that
direction that I want to go in? So if you've been asking
yourself the first two questions, you're already
getting some clues by asking yourself, where do I want to go?
And what's working for me right now on what's not working? My
guess is you Your mind is starting to percolate, you're
starting to get a real sense of Ooh, there are I really need to
change my job, I want to reinvent myself, I don't want to
keep being a corporate lawyer, or I don't want to keep being a
CPA. Great. So when Where do you want to go? What is it that you
want to do? And what are the steps that you need to take to
get there? No, I know, this might seem overly simplistic.
But what's really important about what I'm expressing to you
is, is that by asking yourself these questions, and by
challenging yourself, you're starting to push yourself to be
slightly uncomfortable, why we don't reinvent ourselves more
often, why we don't push ourselves is because we we
become uncomfortably comfortable in our lives. And as I mentioned
earlier, your 30s you really understand yourself, you really
have a better sense of who you are, you can make these choices
for yourself on a different level than what you could have
made when you were 25. Right. And so this is the time of your
life. If you're at this crossroads and you feel like I
need to reinvent myself. I don't want to be a corporate attorney
anymore. This is the moment where you have to say what is
the first step that I need to take in order to go after the
things that I want? What is the first step that is exactly what
you need to be doing if you want to reinvent now if you're stuck
in any way, shape, or form. I have a freebie for you. On my
website. If you go to Tess brigham.com or Tess Brigham
coaching comm I have a quarterlife crisis handbook that
you can that is very helpful no matter what your age is, even if
you're not 25. And that handbook is going to ask you a lot of
these questions and really help you start to formulate what it
is that you need to start thinking about for yourself.
Alright, and if you like this video, please give it a thumbs
up. Please comment below, share with me some of your thoughts.
Tell me where do you want to go? I would love to hear. And
finally, if this video is helpful for someone in your
life, please pass it along and subscribe to my channel. I'm
here every single Thursday. All right, I'll see you next week.
Unknown: Bye bye.