- Being in a world where I felt so othered,
I didn't know gay people, I knew no one,
that I just felt like something was really wrong with me.
- If you're lucky, you have a community
or a group of friends that helps you
through transitions in life.
And for me that started in Boulder, Colorado.
On my very first day of college,
I made a new friend, her name was Tori and she said that
we were probably gonna be friends for a while
based on five minutes of conversation.
Tori then told me that we would be going to
the LGBTQ community gathering.
And I said, oh, well, if there's gonna be snacks,
I'm there for the snacks.
I went to this gathering and that's where I met Priscilla.
Priscilla was the Dean of Students
and the LGBTQ Advocate.
And whenever I had a question about the community
I could go to her.
And I didn't think those were things were important for me
but then, they started to be.
They started to be when I realized
I was in love with my old friend from home
and needed to talk to someone about it.
And with her support, I was able to kind of realize
that there was nothing odd about my feelings for my friend
or my connection to this community
and that it was really my story of self love
that was the most important.
Priscilla then left Colorado for an adventure
and over the years, suddenly there were ways for me
to take all of the qualities I love about her
and really find my own voice.
So when a classmate of mine was attacked on the street
for coming out in public,
we organized a rally to speak out for her.
I wouldn't of considered myself
someone who could speak in public about my own journey
or what it meant for me to be gay
but suddenly I found myself on stage,
speaking to hundreds of people
about how it was important to tell our own stories
and how I was proud to be a lesbian.
I had sort of a freak out afterwards
because I realized that was my very first time
coming out publicly in a crowd of strangers.
And I wrote Priscilla letters about it.
A couple years later, we found out that Priscilla was
courageously battling cancer,
when she was near the end of her life,
I was able to tell her how much I loved her
and how grateful I was for all the of the ways
that she taught me to be there for myself
but also be there for my community.
This one person opened a door for me
and I get to open the door for other people
by showing up authentically and being my best self.
- So I'm originally from a pretty small town,
it's a small town in Texas,
I have a pastor father and so I'm kind of
a stereotype of a person, actually a little bit.
I was a pastor myself for a little bit,
I had a year where I spent as a middle school minister.
But I used to go to church,
it was a very conservative church,
I was really close to my family, too,
I really, really was.
I know something was off with me
and I wasn't sure what it was
and I didn't know any gay people,
it wasn't really something that I understood
was a thing that you could be even.
And I just, I wouldn't admit it to myself
and I started to, I think, understand it internally
and sort of hate me, also, hate that part of myself.
I just thought if I ignored it,
hopefully it would it go away eventually
and it doesn't, it turns out at all.
I was living abroad in Germany
and I took a weekend trip up to Paris
and it was one of the best days of my life.
I was with friends, we took this elevator up
into the Eiffel Tower, we went to the Louvre,
we stopped by this cafe.
And the cafe, we almost ate there, it was a little pricey,
so we just decided, let's skip that.
We go to the Eiffel Tower again, we're hanging out,
all of a sudden the city just goes quite,
we start hearing these sirens, it's dark,
so we get calls and apparently
there are bombs going off in the city.
There's shootings happening and on the news
we see that cafe that we almost stopped at on fire,
just going, it's just gone.
If we had gone, we'd be there, it was,
the Paris attacks, the terrorist attacks.
And it's just, it was a real wake up call for me
because there was, as someone who hated myself,
but was allowed to live for no real reason
other than just a special was too expensive
so we moved on, you know, it was just this moment
where it was a tragedy.
And there's all these people who were living their lives,
they were fine, right, they were fine
and they're gone, there was just no reason for it.
I realized, internally, that I was living
half my life at that point.
I wasn't living my full life, I wasn't being me.
So it was the first night I admitted
out loud to myself that I was gay.
I end up going on another weekend trip to Ireland.
In Ireland I went to a gay bar for the first time
and it was actually a really negative experience,
the first person I talked to
ended up being pretty aggressive, it was an assault,
my first experience with anyone.
It was a kiss that lead to some real bad stuff
and I went back in the closet for another two years,
didn't say a word to anybody.
Ultimately, I was in class, we were writing this poem,
I just started bawling.
And I left class, and I called my dad,
he was the first person I told
and I just said I am gay, I'm exploring this,
and I hope that's okay.
And he responded with love, I was talking to him
about a guy that I was talking to
and he stopped me and just said thank you
for being vulnerable about something in your life
you didn't feel like you could trust me with before.
I hope you know how much that means to me.
I'm not gonna say my parents were perfect
but they've always responded with love,
I'm so thankful for them
and I'm thankful for this new life I'm living,
I have a lot of hope.
Cool.
- I got emotional the moments I could hear you say
how vulnerable it was to share who you are
and when you talked about the assault,
just feeling terrible that that had happened to you.
And also the vulnerability of knowing
that there are always choice moments
and that you could recognize that
the tragedy in Paris was also a wake up call
to live fully in all of the ways.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, just, I want so much for anyone
who's been violated in any way to know
that that's not your fault
and that you deserve so much better and so much joy
and I hope that that continues to open for you.
Just a wish for goodness for you.
- I know a lot of other people that have also had,
have been assaulted, you know.
And it's not something that we talk about so much
but it's pretty common, it's really scary common
and I just think to be afraid to talk about it
is to give it more power than it should of had
in the first place.
- Mm-hmm.
- I don't know, it's something that I wish
I would of understood the boundaries
that I could place earlier on
and the way to interact but I didn't.
So it is what it is, but it's something I've moved on from
and learned from in a lot of ways.
- You need to have people around
who are accepting unconditionally.
- Mm-hmm.
- You need culture in the media, in literature
that represents that there's nothing wrong
and actually it's everything beautiful
about being fully yourself.
- Yeah, I agree, 100%.
I think it's a scary world to live in,
it's terrifying actually how many LGBT,
just the level of LGBT suicides are very frightening.
But I do think there are answers to it,
I think a little bit of what you were talking about
with just having an intergenerational space.
- Yeah.
- I don't always feel that gay bars,
like those places are the best places
to know other gay people.
I really think that something we should address is,
and there's volunteering you can do.
- Yes.
- But I think there needs to be more spaces
that are removed from alcohol
that allow teens to get to know older gay folk,
can see the future isn't as bleak as it feels like it is.
- Yeah.
- And I can say I was someone who felt
the future was very, very bleak.
Not because of my family, they were loving
but it was my own personal shame.
It was just being in a world where I felt so othered,
I didn't know gay people, I knew no one
that I just felt like I was,
something was really wrong with me,
something I needed to shut down and ignore
and get rid of even.
- Mm-hmm.
- So, I think the way to navigate it is to provide
clear examples of the future that are positive.
- Mm-hmm, I agree completely.
- Can we hug?
- Can I give you a hug?
- Yeah, that's what I prefer.
What a relationship to have, that's incredible.
- I'm grateful, yeah,
I think, I mean, I know it sounds crazy
she would of loved you.
- Ah.
- I can feel just the whole energy that you share
when you were telling your story,
I was getting emotional for you
but I had this feeling of Priscilla would of love you,
she would be so proud of you.
- I have a feeling I would of like her, too.