If someone punches me, I don't feel it,
I just feel like I want to get them back.
Sometimes you can't help yourself, can you?
I have to fight, otherwise they're going to think
they can take me for a pussy.
I didn't intend to kill anybody.
Oh, my God!
Wow!
What I love about going out is having fun,
letting your hair down, having no worries.
I just like to go out and lose myself.
I'm supposed to be having a drink, I'm supposed to be dancing.
After a few drinks I would say I'm quite loud, rowdy,
I don't care who's around, I just think it's all about me.
Feel like with the alcohol as well, that adrenaline is already flowing.
I sometimes start taking my clothes off when I'm drunk.
When they see me walk into a bar, the staff probably think,
"Oh, for God's sake, here she comes."
My sort of banter has gotten me into trouble once or twice.
If I see that one of my friends is getting started on,
or getting pushed into, I will not have it,
I will just literally just go from zero to 100,
shout in people's faces, throw drinks, start fighting, punching.
Yeah, you have to keep an eye out for your friends, don't you?
I'm kind of like the Grim Reaper,
cos I'm sort of just waiting for somebody to cross.
I've had my extensions pulled out,
I've had a girl bang my head off the table.
Sometimes you can't help yourself, can you?
Sometimes all it takes is for one little thing, for somebody to flip
their lid, then next minute you've got a broken nose, haven't you?
It wasn't even a thought process, it was literally, like,
I just grabbed her, started punching her.
If I think back, I can't think of any night I've been out
and not got into some sort of drama or fight.
For me to get involved, was just... it was just instinct.
I think sometimes people feel like they are going to be a pussy
if they don't fight.
I've got myself into this argument, I have to then fight
because otherwise they're going to think I'm a pussy
and they can take me for a pussy.
It's become so often that it's normal to me now.
If someone punches me, I don't feel it,
I just feel more like I want to get them back.
How's it going? How are you doing, OK?
Yeah, good, thanks.
What's your name? Jacob.
Jacob, nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, mate.
Nice to meet you. I'm just here really just to share my story,
tell you a little bit about my experiences of going out
and getting into fights and kind of where it all led me.
So I used to just get in fights over time,
bump into other groups of lads from other areas, always be scrapping.
And there was this one night, July 2011.
It got to about 12, one o'clock at night and I'd lost all my friends.
I got a phone call off my mate saying,
"It's all kicking off here, it's all kicking off."
Me being the fucking type of person I was back then,
I was, like, "All right, then, I'm going to get straight down there
"and I'm going to get stuck in."
So, I just decided to just run in, punched the guy.
Is that without knowing what was going on?
Without knowing what was going on, yeah. Yeah, OK.
Just ran straight in, punched him and he fell on the floor,
and I was like, "Oh, shit." Just ran off.
It was a month later, the police started raiding everyone
and my mates rang me and said, "Oh, we think it's something to do
"with that night that you punched that guy."
I was, like, "Don't be ridiculous." This is, like, a month on. OK.
Went and handed myself in at the police station,
and the police officers put me into the interview room, arrested me
and said, "We're arresting you on suspicion of murder."
Kidding? No.
That lad had died?
That lad died from the punch. From the punch?
From one punch, he hit his head on the floor... Wow!
They realised that he had a swelling on the brain,
he'd fractured his skull.
Nine days later, he passed away.
Oh, shit.
It went through the court system and it was dropped to manslaughter,
because what ended up happening, it was just one single punch.
I ended up getting, like, 30 months in prison.
The sad thing about it is, that was the first time
that I realised that I had some sort of expectations for my own life.
For your own life, yeah. Because up until that point,
I didn't really care about anyone or anything.
So that's James, he was a trainee paramedic. Wow.
So he was, like, carrying on trying to save people's lives...
Does that haunt you, in a way? Yeah, it does.
I'm on a... I'm trying to...
..the biggest battle I have now is forgiving myself.
So I've come out of prison worse than I went in.
For obvious reasons, I'm angry at my mates, I'm on my own,
I've got my mum ringing me, crying, saying, you know, "Have you
"ever thought about the guy's mum that you killed?"
And stuff like that and I'm, like, "I don't even want to think
"about that," but obviously as a mum she's thinking that.
For me, at the time, I wasn't ready to look at it,
because I was scared of feeling bad, you know what I mean?
I kind of was comfortable feeling like I was the victim,
because my mate snitched on me.
I went to see my probation officer and she said,
"Have you ever heard of restorative justice?"
And I was, like, "No, what's restorative justice?"
And she said, "Well, basically, the mum and the dad of the man
"that you punched want to speak to you."
And I was, like... Wow!
The least I can do is try and answer some of their questions
and then move on with my life.
They told me what it was like to sit by their son's life support machine
for nine days and have to make the decision...
..to turn it off.
I don't want to speak on their behalf,
but justice would be me learning from my lesson rather than me
going in and out of prison for the rest of my life.
And that's me, obviously, a bit later on.
And that's Joan and David, James's mum and dad. Wow!
Smiling as well.
People that have judged me the least are the ones
who have been affected the most, which doesn't make sense.
I know, but, tell you what, that is one of the beautiful things
about the world, there still is some really good people out there.
I think you're very brave to come and tell people and you want
people to change their ways, possibly from hearing your story.
What you were saying as well, is that we're all out here getting
wavy or drunk, or whatever you want to call it,
letting out all the stress.
But sometimes we need to think about...
How to address our problems? In a more healthy way. Yeah, yeah.
Rather than just being, like, "All right, let's smash each other up."
Next time you're out and someone's starting something,
ask why that argument has started.
Best thing I ever did was just start talking about my problems,
because then the problems become real.
Definitely makes me more cautious about going out,
and more considerate, a little bit more than I already am.
After this, I'm definitely, like, going to rethink
everything that I'm doing.
Do I need to start this argument? Do I need to get in their face?
I will be rethinking, like, little scenarios, so thank you so much.
It's nice to meet you. It's a pleasure to meet you too.
And thanks for being so open and real with me as well.
Yeah, always. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks a lot. Seriously, thank you.