The overall goal
of emotion regulation is to reduce emotional suffering.
It's not to get rid of emotions.
Some people will always be more emotional than others.
In a previous video, I talked about the biology of emotions.
In this video, I'm talking about 10 common myths
about emotions that can fill your head
and make it hard for you to regulate your emotions.
I'm Dr. Tracey Marks, a psychiatrist,
and I make mental health education videos.
Myth number one, emotions are irrational.
This thought makes you dismiss emotions
as feelings that you can't trust
in favor of using logic.
But in reality,
emotions serve as valuable resources of information.
They guide us in making decisions
and help us navigate social interactions.
These are not extraneous and irrelevant
but instead serve a physiological purpose.
Myth number two is positive emotions
are better than negative emotions.
Society often places a higher value on positive emotions
such as happiness or joy,
and there's a lot of positive reinforcement
from being upbeat and pleasant.
On the other hand, negative emotions
like sadness or anger are seen as undesirable.
Some people have trouble accepting
and expressing these kinds of emotions
because they were raised to think
that it's wrong to be angry.
But in truth, all emotions serve a purpose
and provide valuable insights into our inner experiences.
Negative emotions can motivate change, signal unmet needs,
and foster personal growth.
Myth number three.
Emotions are controllable at will.
While we can influence our emotions to some extent,
we don't have complete control over them.
Emotions arise from a complex interplay
between internal and external factors,
including biology, past experiences, and social context.
Rather than try to control your emotions,
we can focus on understanding and managing them effectively.
In fact, regulating emotion is really
for emotions that are not serving your best interests
or helping you achieve something.
What do I mean by this?
Let's say anger is an indicator
that someone has crossed a boundary with you
or you're in a situation where you're being exploited.
In these cases, anger can motivate you to make corrections
to the situation before the anger becomes deeper hurts
like resentment or regrets.
So our emotions can be constructive or destructive
and it's the destructive ones
that we want to change.
Not suppress, but modify to prevent them
from becoming destructive.
Myth number four, expressing emotions is weakness.
Expressing emotions is a sign
of emotional intelligence and strength
it allows you to be emotionally available in relationships
instead of being closed off and hard to read.
Being able to recognize
and express your feelings is like strengthening a muscle.
It takes practice.
Myth number five, emotional people are unstable.
While intense emotions can sometimes
trigger impulsive behaviors
it's not a given that all emotions will.
Emotions can fluctuate naturally based
on circumstances and personal experiences
and experiencing intense emotions doesn't necessarily
indicate instability or mental illness.
What matters is how we manage and cope with these emotions.
Myth six, negative emotions result from a bad attitude.
Emotions, including negative ones,
are a response to something.
They're influenced by past experiences,
biology, and our current situation.
Sometimes negative emotions arise
from faulty thinking patterns.
For example, if you always expect the worst
you can condition yourself to feel fearful and anxious
most of the time.
Challenging negative assumptions
and considering alternatives can help you escape
these thinking traps.
So rather than blaming your emotions on a bad attitude
accept that negative and positive emotions exist
and both are valid representations
of your internal world.
Where it matters that it's negative
or positive is how the emotion makes you feel
and how you cope with it.
Myth number seven, only some people are emotional.
Emotions are a universal human experience.
Although individuals may vary in their emotional sensitivity
or expressiveness, everyone has the capacity
to experience a wide range of emotions.
Denying or suppressing emotions can have detrimental effects
on emotional and mental wellbeing.
Myth number eight, emotions should be solved or fixed.
Emotions are not problems to be solved or fixed,
but rather signals and responses
to our internal and external experiences.
Instead of seeking to eliminate or change emotions,
it's more beneficial to explore their underlying causes,
learn from them, and develop healthy coping strategies.
Myth number nine, emotional health means always being happy.
Emotional health does not equate
to a perpetual state of happiness.
It involves acknowledging and accepting the full spectrum
of emotions, including the challenging ones.
Emotional wellbeing comes
from cultivating self-awareness, resilience,
and the ability to navigate
and regulate your emotions effectively.
Myth number 10, emotions are permanent states.
Emotions are dynamic and ever-changing.
They're not permanent states that define who you are.
Recognizing that emotions are transient allows you
to ride the ups and downs of the wave
with greater ease and cultivate emotional flexibility.
These are just some of the thinking distortions
that you can have about your emotion,
how you express them, and how you cope with them.
In the next video, we'll take a look
at how to accurately identify your emotions.
In the meantime, if you haven't seen it,
take a look at this video on the science behind emotions.
Thanks for watching.
See you next time.