( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) SO HERE WE ARE.
WE'RE BACK AT IT. ( CHEERING )
EVERYBODY HAVE A GOOD WEEK OFF? YEAH!
>> James: YOU'RE WELCOME. ( LAUGHTER )
IF YOU DON'T KNOW, I TESTED POSITIVE FOR COVID --
>> WHOO! >> James: OKAY.
ALL RIGHT. YEAH, I TESTED POSITIVE FOR
COVID TEN, 15 DAYS AGO? >> 12 DAYS AGO.
>> James: 12 DAYS AGO. I HAD TO QUARANTINE LAST WEEK SO
THIS IS OUR FIRST SHOW BACK IN THE STUDIO.
THANKS, WE'RE THRILLED TO BE HERE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I WAS INCREDIBLY LUCKY.
I WAS VERY GRATEFUL. I'M VACCINATED, BOOSTED, AND I
REALLY DO FEEL THAT BECAUSE OF THAT I BARELY HAD ANY SYMPTOMS.
I FELT FINE THE ENTIRE TIME. THANK YOU TO ANYONE WHO SENT A
MESSAGE, THE TEXTS, CALLS, REPLIES-ALL TO EVERY STAFF -WIDE
EMAIL FROM TIM YOUNG. ( LAUGHTER )
I WAS HERE IN THE BUILDING. I TESTED NEGATIVE THE DAY
BEFORE, HERE IN THE BUILDING, TESTED POSITIVE.
I HAD TO LEAVE AND GO HOME. AS I WAS LEAVING, I PUT TWO
MASKS ON, I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE AS QUICK AS I CAN.
AS I WAS WALKING PAST THE OFFICES, I COULD HEAR -- I DON'T
KNOW WHO IT WAS, I COULD HEAR SOMEONE IN THE OFFICE GOING,
WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE IN CABO? ( LAUGHTER )
AND THEY'RE SAYING EVERYBODY'S GOING TO WORK FROM HOME BUT WE
SHOULD TRY COME UP WITH GOOD STUFF FOR THE SHOW IN THE NEXT
FEW WEEKS. WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE?
IS IT NICE? OH, I FOUND A ROOM, LET'S GO!
( LAUGHTER ) REG, DID YOU GET A LOT OF WORK
FROM HOME DONE? >> I DID EVERY SINGLE MAJOR CAR
REVIEWER'S PODCAST. ( LAUGHTER )
>> James: YOU'RE THE NICK BERNSTEIN OF CAR REVIEWS.
>> YES. I HAD AMAZING DRIVES, INCREDIBLE
CARS, MET JAY LENO. >> James: YOU DID THE JAY
LENO'S GARAGE? >> I'M GOING TO.
>> James: YOU MET JAY LENO BEFORE YOU DID HIS SHOW, JUST
HANGING OUT WITH JAY LENO? >> BECAUSE HE HANGS OUT AT THE
MALIBU CAR MEETUP ON SUNDAYS. >> James: IT'S A MEETUP ON
SUNDAY MORNINGS. >> YES.
>> James: PEOPLE ROLL DOWN WITH UNBELIEVABLE CARS.
>> IT'S INSANE. YOU GO THERE AND YOU'RE SEEING A
MILLION DOLLAR 1940s MERCEDES SLS, AND THEN THERE'S A
McCLERN S SENNA SITTING THERE. IT WAS MIND BLOWING.
AND I WAS, LIKE, I GET TO TALK ABOUT ALL THE CAR STUFF AND I
SAID, THAT'S OKAY. I'M NOT CRAZY.
>> James: IT'S OKAY. YOU FOUND YOUR PEOPLE.
LIKE ME WITH BROADWAY MUSICALS. I CAN'T DO IT WITH A LOT OF
PEOPLE IN THIS ROOM, IT'S WASTED ON YOU.
( LAUGHTER ) DID ANYBODY ELSE TAKE ADVANTAGE
OF THE WEEK OFF AND DO SOMETHING INCREDIBLY FUN?
WHAT DID YOU GET UP TO, ANYTHING FUN?
>> I DON'T THINK THERE'S ANYTHING EXCITING.
I'M RECOVERING FROM A BROKEN NOSE.
>> James: OH, WHAT HAPPENED? I TOOK A SPILL OVER THE
DECEMBER HIATUS AT A FRIEND'S CHRISTMAS PARTY, TOOK A PRETTY
HARD FALL ON A WET STONE PATIO. LUCKILY, I WAS NOT CONCUSSED
BECAUSE MY NOSE TOOK THE ENTIRE BRUNT OF THE FALL.
>> James: DRUNK? I WAS -- I HAD HAD SOME
DRINKS. >> James: TIPSY.
( LAUGHTER ) SO WHAT DO THEY DO?
YOU GO SOMEWHERE AND -- I DIDN'T THINK THERE WAS ANYTHING YOU
COULD DO WITH A BROKEN NOSE. >> MIDDLE EAST, WE HAD TO
LEAVE -- IMMEDIATELY, WE HAD TO LEAVE THE PARTY.
I DIDN'T KNOW THE HOST OF THE PARTY OR ANYBODY ELSE AT THE
PARTY. >> James: OH, WOW.
EXCEPT FOR MY GIRLFRIEND. >> James: THAT'S BRUTAL.
THAT IS AWFUL. >> YEAH.
>> James: WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW ANYONE AND SOMETHING HAPPENS TO
YOU -- I REMEMBER BEING AT LONDON, BEING OUT AT A PLACE,
NOT KNOWING ANYONE AND SOMEONE SAYING, OH, YOU SHOULD COME UP
WITH US TO A THING. I END UP IN A CAB WITH FIVE
PEOPLE I DON'T KNOW, NEVER MET, DRUNK BEYOND BELIEF THINKING, I
DON'T KNOW WHERE I'M GOING OR WHAT I'M DOING, AND WE TALKED UP
THIS THING, AND THEY'RE ALL TALKING AND I WENT TO OPEN A
DOOR, WENT THROUGH THAT DOOR, AND DIDN'T REALIZE THERE WAS A
GLASS DOOR THE OTHER SIDE OF IT, RIGHT.
SO I OPEN AND I WAS TALKING LIKE THIS, I OPENED THE DOOR AND AS
HARD AS YOU CAN IMAGINE, WALKING INTO A DOOR IS HOW I WALKED INTO
A DOOR. I LITERALLY WENT LIKE THIS, AND
I WENT BANG! LIKE THAT!
AND IT MADE SUCH A NOISE THE GLASS WENT WA-WA-WA-WA, LIKE
THAT. AND I WAS SO DIZZY, AND ALL I
COULD THINK OF IS YOU HAVE TO STYLE THIS OUT AS GOOD AS YOU
CAN. AND I IMMEDIATELY SAID THE
WORDS, I'M FINE. I SAID THE WORDS I'M FINE 50
TIMES, AND I ENDED UP -- ( LAUGHTER )
-- CRACKING UP AND NONE OF THESE PEOPLE OF I KNEW WERE LOOKING AT
ME AND I HAD TO LEAVE AS SOON AS WE COULD.
I THOUGHT I'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.
I AM IN AGONY. >> YOU HAD TO MOVE TO AMERICA
BECAUSE OF THAT. THAT WAS IT.
( LAUGHTER ) >> James: I HAD TO GET OUT.
WHEN I'M IN LONDON, I'M, LIKE, WERE THEY THERE?
WELL, IT'S THAT TIME, IT'S TIME FOR, THE NEWS.
THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION HAS
VERIZON AND AT&T AGREED TODAY TO POSTPONE TOMORROW'S PLANNED
ROLLOUT OF THEIR NEW 5G NETWORKS.
MAJOR AIRLINES HAD WARNED OF A QUOTE CATASTROPHIC DISRUPTION TO
TRAVEL, SAYING 5G HAS THE POTENTIAL TO INTERFERE WITH
AVIATION EQUIPMENT. SORRY, AIRLINES.
BUT THIS NEVER WOULD'VE NEEDED TO HAPPEN IF BOINGO HOTSPOTS
WERE MORE RELIABLE. ( LAUGHTER )
BOINGO -- >> James: IT'S AS SIMPLE AS
THAT. >> WOW.
>> James: THEY NEVER SAW IT THROUGH, DID THEY?
IF THEY HAD SEEN IT THROUGH WITH THE BOINGO HOTSPOTS, NONE OF
THIS WOULD HAPPEN. CAN YOU IMAGINE?
BRINGING THE NATION'S INFRASTRUCTURE TO ITS KNEES
BECAUSE YOU NEEDED A FASTER WAY TO SEND A .GIF OF JIM FROM THE OFFICE
PROBABLY DOING THIS --
( LAUGHTER ) APPARENTLY, THERE ARE TECHNICAL
CONCERNS WITH THE WAY 5G AFFECTS FLIGHT INSTRUMENTS.
WHEN THEY HEARD THIS, SPIRIT AIRLINES WERE
LIKE, HANG ON, WAIT A MINUTE, WHAT ARE 'FLIGHT INSTRUMENTS'?
( LAUGHTER ) MOVING ON, THE WINTER OLYMPICS
IN BEIJING ARE SET TO BEGIN IN JUST A FEW WEEKS - AND MULTIPLE
COUNTRIES HAVE ISSUED AN UNUSUAL WARNING TO THEIR ATHLETES.
THEY'RE BEING TOLD TO LEAVE THEIR PHONES AT HOME TO AVOID
BEING SPIED UPON BY THE CHINESE GOVERNMENT.
YEAH. I DON'T CARE IF I'VE SPENT MY
ENTIRE LIFE PREPARING TO COMPETE IN THE OLYMPICS, IF YOU TELL ME
I CAN'T BRING MY PHONE, I'M DROPPING OUT.
I'M DONE E. ( LAUGHTER )
I'M, LIKE,, NO, THANKS FOR DRIVING ME TO THE
SKATING RINK EVERY MORNING AT FIVE A.M., MOM, BUT THIS IS
NON-NEGOTIABLE. MANY COUNTRIES ARE ADVISING
ATHLETES TO KEEP THEIR DEVICES OFF WIFI NETWORKS AND USE BURNER
PHONES, IF POSSIBLE. BASICALLY, IF YOU'RE COMPETING
IN THE OLYMPICS, IT'S COCAINE DEALER RULES.
( LAUGHTER ) THAT'S WHAT IT IS.
PUT IN YOUR CALLS, PUT IT IN THE MICROWAVE AND YOU'RE DONE.
( LAUGHTER ) AND IF YOU'RE NOT AN OLYMPIC
ATHLETE AND WANT TO SEE WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE TO DO YOUR JOB
WITHOUT WIFI, JUST COME DOWN HERE TO TELEVISION CITY.
IT WILL BE ABSOLUTELY -- YOU WILL REALLY GET THE FULL --
( APPLAUSE ) YOU WILL GET THE FULL
EXPERIENCE. GET ON THE WI-FI AND YOU WILL
IMMEDIATELY LOOK UPON BOINGO HOTSPOTS WITH -- WITH A NEW
LEVEL OF RESPECT. ( LAUGHTER )
NICK, WHY IS THE WI-FI SO BAD IN THIS BUILDING?
>> I DON'T HAVE AN ANSWER FOR YOU FOR THAT.
THAT'S NOT MY JURISDICTION, UNFORTUNATELY.
>> James: LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT JURISDICTION.
THERE IS NOTHING HERE UNDER YOUR JURISDICTION.
EVEN THAT CHAIR ISN'T UNDER YOUR JURISDICTION.
>> IT'S GOT MY NAME ON IT. >> James: BECAUSE ALL WE'VE
GOT AS A SHOW IS TO GO TO STEVE WHO BASICALLY GOES,
( ARGUING ) AARGH -- AND HE EVENTUALLY GOES LIKE THIS --
>> TALKING TO THE I.T. GUY HERE IS LIKE TALKING TO MARIAH
CAREY'S MANAGER, I DON'T KNOW, DOESN'T FEEL LIKE WORKING TODAY.
( LAUGHTER ) HAVE YOU FELT ABOUT GETTING TO
THE BOTTOM OF IT? >> I HAVEN'T.
MY WI-FI USUALLY WORKS PRETTY WELL.
I DON'T KNOW WHY MINE IS. >> James: YOUR WI-FI WORKS
PRETTY WELL. SHOW OF HANDS WITHIN THE TEAM.
WE ALL WORK HERE EVERY DAY. WHO ELSE HERE'S WI-FI WOULD YOU
CONSIDER WORKS PRETTY WELL? YOURS DOESN'T WORK WELL, REG.
DO YOU HAVE YOUR OWN ROUTER IN THERE, I IMAGINE?
>> NO, I ALWAYS THINK IT'S NOT GOING TO, BUT THEN I'M WATCHING
MY APPLE TV ON OTHER SHOWS, ABC AND OTHER NETWORKS, AND I'M --
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
WORKS GREAT. >> James: YOU'RE RIGHT, THE TV
SCREEN DOES WORK WELL. THAT DOES WORK WELL.
>> THAT'S ACTUALLY WHAT I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH BECAUSE THERE'S --
OFTENTIMES WHEN I AM WATCHING OTHER NETWORKS, I JUST GET THOSE
LITTLE DIRECT TV BOUNCING BALL, WHICH IS REALLY STRANGE
CONSIDERING -- >> James: THAT'S A GREAT
STORY. ( LAUGHTER )
I HAD TO CUT YOU OFF BECAUSE ADAM DEVINE'S GOT A VERY SIMILAR
STORY. ( LAUGHTER )
AND THIS IS INTERESTING. ACCORDING TO A NEW STUDY, FACE
MASKS, MAKE YOU MORE ATTRACTIVE. RESEARCHERS DISCOVERED THAT
PEOPLE FOUND FACES SIGNIFICANTLY MORE ATTRACTIVE WHEN COVERED BY
MASKS THAN WHEN NOT COVERED AT ALL.
WHICH DOES EXPLAIN THE RISE OF NICK BERNSTEIN DURING THE
PANDEMIC. BUT LOOKING NOW AT THE TEAM
WHOSE FACES I KNOW, I DISAGREE WITH THIS.
I DISAGREE WITH THIS. I'M CONSTANTLY ANNOYED THAT I
CAN'T SEE, YOU KNOW -- >> OH, RIGHT.
>> James: -- ALL OF JARED'S FACE.
JARED IS NOT BETTER LOOKING WITH A FACTION ON.
LOOK AT THAT. WOOF.
( APPLAUSE ) >> YEAH, IT'S THOSE GREEN EYES.
WHEN YOU MEET SOMEONE, I THINK IN YOUR IMAGINATION, I
THINK YOU IMAGINE THEM TO BE INCREDIBLY GOOD LOOKING.
I'M JUST SAYING YOU'RE OPTIMISTIC WITH YOUR
IMAGINATION, SO WHEN YOU HAVEN'T MET SOMEONE, YOU IMAGINE THEM TO
BE ATTRACTIVE. >> James: I NEVER THOUGHT I
WOULD SAY THIS, CAN YOU TELL ME MORE ABOUT THAT BOUNCING BALL?
( LAUGHTER ) >> James: THERE'S A NEW
YouTube RECORD TO TELL YOU ABOUT
THE FIRST VIDEO TO REACH TEN BILLION VIEWS IS, ANY GUESSES?
>> PROBABLY SOMETHING LIKE BABY SHARK, RIGHT?
>> James: IT'S EXACTLY BABY SHARK!
( APPLAUSE ) THAT'S WHY HE GETS THE GOOD
WI-FI BECAUSE HIS FINGER IS RIGHT THERE.
YEAH, BABY! TEN BILLION VIEWS TO WHICH
PARENTS EVERYWHERE SAID, YES, WE KNOW.
REMEMBER WHEN PEOPLE THOUGHT THE INTERNET WOULD BE FAMOUS FOR
USHERING IN A NEW AGE OF INFORMATION AND ENLIGHTENMENT?
>> Reggie: YES. >> James: INSTEAD, THE
INTERNET FAMOUSLY DESTROYED THE CONCEPT OF
FACT-BASED TRUTH AND GAVE US THE MOST ANNOYING SONG OF ALL TIME.
BABY SHARK IS ONE OF THE BIGGEST VIRAL SENSATIONS IN THE WORLD.
SO OF COURSE HE'S TAKING THE NEXT LOGICAL STEP, GOING
HEAD-TO-HEAD WITH LOGAN PAUL IN A BOXING MATCH.
( APPLAUSE ) AND THAT'S THE NEWS.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ADAM DEVINE AND NEVE CAMPBELL.