(SINGING) Don't ever let this day stop.
Oh, oh, oh.
I never want to go home.
No, oh, oh.
No, oh oh, oh.
No, no.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
I used to want to grow up.
I thought that I could be free.
But now I'm realizing--
Happy Halloween!
Thank you so much!
Have a seat.
Thanks so much.
You look great, all of you.
Before we start, I want to say my eyes are up here.
My boobs are everywhere else.
My costume this year is a tribute to Cardi B's character
in the movie Hustlers.
I can't be Cardi B. I'm Cardi E.
E is for Ellen.
It's also my bra size.
This outfit has a whole lot going on from every angle.
I don't know if you can tell, but--
How do they do that so fast?
It actually was a lot--
Oh, a hair.
Lot to get me dressed like this.
There's wardrobe, there's hair and makeup,
and a special thanks to the people at Goodyear
for inflating me.
Every year, I'm forced to dress up in a costume.
And every year, they try to make it sexier than the year before.
I'll know it's time to stop doing
the show when they send me out in two coasters and a dinner
napkin.
Honestly, it's amazing that I can
be wearing so little and yet sweating so much.
Feels like I'm smothered in a sexy futon or something.
So in the movie Hustlers, Cardi B
plays a stripper named Diamond.
And she was actually a stripper in real life
before she went into music.
And that is a coincidence, because before I
became a comedian, I was also a stripper.
I was stripping paint from houses, but still.
I was a stripper.
I was trying to get into character backstage
and working on my Okur.
Okur.
It was good.
Okur.
Thank you.
Okur.
Thank you.
Thank you!
Okur!
[INAUDIBLE]
Yeah.
Hi!
Did i do it well?
Okur.
Okur!
I like that yours are softer than mine.
Really?
I should be mad at my doctor.
Oh really?
Yeah.
Are they softer?
I don't want to touch them.
But they are softer?
Yeah.
Oh.
Wow!
Yeah.
They feel good!
They're fun.
That's good.
Yeah.
Thanks a whole lot.
So thanks for being here, Cardi B. I'm Cardi E.
[CHEERING]
Did you see my twerking?
Did you see what I did?
Well, let me see it.
OK.
Should I face you?
OK.
How about, uh--
No?
How's it go?
I mean, if you trying to get higher--
How do I do it?
A little bit more--
That'll give you a couple of bucks, right there!
Yeah?
Yeah!
I'll give you $20.
I'll buy a lap dance from you.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Oh!
I need $20.
Yeah, you're supposed to do that right?
Yeah.
All right.
Thank you for helping me get into character.
We should hustle over there, and tWitch
is going to come out and dance.
All right?
Oh, cool.
Right on.
[MUSIC - ALADDIN, "NEVER HAD A FRIEND LIKE ME"] (SINGING) You
got some power in your corner now,
heavy ammunition in your camp.
You got some punch, pizzazz, yahoo, and how!
All you got to do is rub that lamp.
And then I'll say, Mister, man, what's your name?
Whatever.
What will your pleasure be?
Let me take your order.
I'll jot it down.
You ain't never had a friend like me.
Life is your restaurant, and I'm your Maitre D. Come whisper
to me whatever it is you want.
You ain't never had a friend like me.
We pride ourselves on service.
You the boss, the king, the shah.
Say what you wish, it's yours.True dish!
How about a little more baklava?
Have some of column A. Try all of column B. I'm in the mood
to help you, dude.
You ain't never had a friend like me.
Oh!
Wow!
tWitch!
tWitch, I like your costume.
Thank you very much.
I like yours, too.
Do you have a magic carpet to get
to the hospital in case Allison gives birth during the show?
100%.
Absolutely.
We're ready to be whisked away.
Yeah.
Because really, it could be any minute now.
It could be any minute.
Yeah, 100%.
All right.
We're waiting for a phone call for you.
Yeah, wish me luck.
Everybody looks great.
Thanks for dressing up everybody.
Hi, I'm Andy.
Ellen asked me to remind you to subscribe to her channel
so you can see more awesome videos.
Like videos of me getting scared or saying embarrassing things,
like ball peen hammer.
And also some videos of Ellen and other celebrities,
if you're into that sort of thing.
Ah!
[BLEEP]! God! [BLEEP]