so i know a lot of people who watch my videos are in college or in high school even so you are moved
out or moving out for the first time which is so exciting because you have so much freedom for the
first time in your life and here are just some things that all those years ago i did not know
so i just want to say the most important thing up front now that i have perspective
on that time in my life i moved out in high school by the way um and that is you should
explore as much as you possibly can every facet of yourself like i would say you should go so far
as to your limits such that you one don't like permanently harm your life and two don't die
now even that first like don't permanently harm your life is sort of iffy because quite
frankly you're probably going to do things that permanently harm you somehow like i dislocated
my knee twice you date the wrong people you you become friends with the wrong people whatever it
happens you recover um so as long as you don't die i would suggest trying to explore you know
academically and extra-curricularly things that you never even heard of things that you did not
know you could possibly like um when it comes to relationships date people because you feel
like it not because you have any understanding of compatibility or anything like that or the future
um and then in terms of friendships yes definitely go outside your comfort zone in terms of travel
in terms of adventures in terms of people saying hey do you want to come do the sketchy thing with
me you should always always do it i don't know if people young people get told this enough but
like they really should and i don't know if you'll ever listen to me by saying this but i promise you
with perspective you will come to understand that this is the most important thing that you can do
when you move out for the first time okay that's the tangent do you remember the game
farmville or cookie mama or any of these like resource management games i love them and in a lot
of ways life is sort of like a research management game because you have only so much energy and time
and you are trying to maximize i don't know some sense of fulfillment as well as leaving people and
the earth in a better spot than you found them um anyways all of that is to say in terms of
three categories that i think uh people who are just growing up or everyone is trying to manage
is their friendships their family relationships as well as like other practical things you need to do
to live your life and so we're gonna discuss them right now and all the things i did not understand
when i was moving out for the first time okay so three things to know about friendships the
first is that becoming really good friends with someone takes in my opinion about a year if you
live with them and takes about two years if you don't live with them so depending on your college
situation it's probably like some mix of you live with beside them because they're your roommate or
they're really close by or maybe you live like near them because you go to classes together
all of that is to say it takes a really long time and anybody who fools you into thinking that they
have like best friends in the first month first month of school is totally just kidding themselves
the second thing about friends is that people are most willing to be super super out there friendly
right at the beginning of school year because everyone is new and most people don't know each
other and so you should really take advantage of that by doing things that might be like socially
unacceptable most of the time like just walking up to random people and being like okay do you
want to go on a hike but i promise you early on everyone is super down for that and then the
third thing about friendships which is probably the most important is that at the beginning
it always feels like within the first like three to six months that people have really found their
crew um that is almost always not true because go back to point one it takes a long time to actually
be deep friends with people uh and all that is to say if you're like wow everyone has found their
best friends how come i have not i have not that's just because you can't understand and you can't
hear what's in their head um and i promise you in their head they're wondering the same things it
is very much okay to not find your people quickly i think it takes probably a lifetime or at least
until you're like 25 30 to find your people and so if you don't find your best friends in the
first six months and seemingly everyone else has i promise you that is not the case okay so on the
topic of family homesickness comes in all forms and i've seen all extremes i've seen a lot of
people who get super homesick who never thought they would i when i moved out for the very first
time i was really young went to this boarding high school and i just wanted to get out there and i
actually experienced very very little homesickness and if you fall into that camp what i would say is
something you don't understand when you're young is that as you grow up your family grows up too
meaning your parents grow up to your siblings grow up too and so just try your very best to
take their flaws with a lot of grace and try your very best to spend as much time with them
as you can because they appreciate that so so so much okay and then as it pertains to other like
adulting things that you will eventually need to learn like doing laundry cleaning up for yourself
cooking time management etc i could go into the details of this but my general advice would
be to do things very slowly you don't go from being like living under your parent's roof to
be like a full-on adult in one day most people or hopefully you can have the opportunity to take it
one step at a time so for example when i went to my boarding high school i didn't have to cook for
myself but i learned how to do laundry for myself when i moved out freshman year i learned how to
do a lot of things for myself by freshman summer i learned how to sublet for myself and then i
learned how to cook for myself and only now since i've now worked full time i learned how
to properly do a budget and how to like get a year-long lease and like things like that
it is okay and you should celebrate every small win
also know that you really only learn things or you most often learn things by completely failing
and life is really just about expanding your capacity so the fact that you failed
you should think of it as expanding your capacity not that you yourself are a failure
some feelings i want to validate which are first that you will probably go through or experience
when you move out include this might be the first time academically that you actually really suck
at something or can't do it i have gotten to the point in both high school and in college
where i was doing subjects where i was like i'm actually just not smart enough to like do this
in this time period with the resources that i have right now that is okay it sucks but it's okay you
also might experience for the first time doing an extracurricular where you really
don't get what you want where people are like you are actually not good enough
and that is why you are not going to get this position we're going to give it to someone else
it's fine life goes on um i want to say it is totally okay to be unhappy in fact it's okay
to be unhappy for long periods of time you know this too shall pass hopefully and i promise you
will get through it but totally a valid feeling and a feeling that lots of people have and also
you might have the first first in terms of being super super hurt by a friendship or by
a relationship or god forbid like something actually terrible happens to you i promise
that there are a plethora of resources among your family friends whatever your school has to offer
to support you you are not in this alone anyways um this was sort of like a high level video but i
think it's an important one because uh someone in my family is moving out for the first time
and i just want to communicate all of these things okay that's all for this week see you