- Hey-ya playa.
Is there someone that you like and you want to go out with
but the main problem you're running into
is that they're not allowed to date?
Well that's the question that baby.caspell asked me
when he said "so I have a crush on this girl,
"but she isn't allowed to date.
"Could you make a video explaining what to do
in the time that your crush isn't allowed to date?"
No problem.
I'm gonna cover that.
That's a question I get a lot.
So I really want to give you guys an answer.
♪ This is The Josh Speaks ♪
♪ You're watching The Josh Speak ♪
For those of you that are new, my name is Josh
and every single Monday through Friday I make videos here
sharing tips, ideas, and stories teaching you
how to be your best self.
And one of the main reasons why people generally
aren't allowed to date is because of their age.
If you're in middle school right now or even in high school,
one of the main reasons why people can't date
is because their parents feel that they're not ready
to jump right into it.
Now I've done a video in the past all about approaching
your parents and having that conversation
to get them to let you start dating
but the issue here may be that the person that you
like's parent's won't let them date either.
And if that's the case,
the person that you like is just simply not allowed to date.
What can you do in the meantime?
Well, what I would honestly suggest,
is work on building a friendship.
I like to draw distinction between dating
and being in a relationship.
When you're dating someone, you can just simply be
casually hanging out with them and talking to them
and when you're in a relationship
you're choosing to be committed to that one person.
So generally when parents prohibit you from dating,
they're talking about going out on dates.
And being romantically involved with one other person.
But that doesn't mean that you can't work on
building your social skills and communicating with
that other person to the point where you two
can really be on that super friendly level.
Just because a person is undateable in that moment,
it doesn't mean that you shouldn't pursue them.
Now you might be thinking, well that's waste of my time.
Why am I gonna invest time and energy into someone that
at the end of the day I just can't go out with?
I would say that your time is an investment
but the same way that you wouldn't
have a best friend overnight,
you need to see where you guys find common ground,
where you overlap, and how you guys connect over time
to really solidify that best friend status.
It's the same thing here with people that you like.
You aren't just gonna find someone that you like,
instantly connect with them
and want to start dating immediately.
Finding a good partner goes well beyond
just wanting to date someone in that moment.
Investing time, getting to know them,
and really seeing where you guys connect is key.
So if they're not allowed to start dating yet,
well, you have that time to invest.
Another thing to keep in mind is that you don't have to
limit yourself to only one person here.
If that person's not allowed to date, that's fine.
You can still talk with them.
You can still communicate and on the side
you can still look for other people to go out with.
If you're not in an exclusive relationship,
no one is bound to one partner.
But if you do start to develop romantic feelings
for one person in particular,
and it just so happens they're not allowed to start dating,
well, at that point you can start to figure out with them
when they are allowed to start dating,
what are you guys gonna do?
Think about it like this,
lets say that person's parents say that
they're not allowed to start dating until they're maybe
16 or 17 years old.
And you're no where near that age right now.
Well, if you spent those years developing a connection
with them and their parents see that,
well, their parents may be a little more lenient
and let them start dating at fifteen even.
If the other person's parents see that you two are really
developing that bond with each other,
and it's not just some willy-nilly relationship
that came out of nowhere
then they're gonna be little bit more understanding
in the process.
So like I said, that investment of time
can really help here.
I also made a video in the past about
how to win over a person's parents
so you definitely should check that one out.
But the question does eventually come up,
should we have a secret relationship
that the parents don't know about?
This is a bit of a tricky one to answer.
I don't really want to say yes or no here
so let me break it down.
If by having a secret relationship you mean you use
the title of girlfriend and boyfriend when you're in school
or just when you're around each other,
then I really see no problem with that.
But if your parents have set rules
that they don't want you to start going out on dates
or even being romantic with someone else,
then I think that's when you shouldn't pursue it.
All in all,
there's no easy answers to any of these questions.
And the best thing you can really do
and the person you like can do is to talk to your parents.
To work things out,
to understand where each other are coming from
and maybe from there you guys can decide
on new rules going forward.
What do you think though?
Do you like someone that isn't allowed to start dating?
Leave your comments below and we'll talk about it.
Before you head out,
I want you to know that if you have a question
that you want to ask me and you want to do it
in a little bit more of a private setting
and not out in the open in the comments
you can always shoot me a DM over on Snapchat or Instagram.
I do my best to answer as may messages as I can over there.
Thank you so much for watching,
make sure to check out the videos
I have listed over there on the side.
I talk more about parents and dating
and how to kind of navigate that whole tricky subject
of getting your parents to allow you to start dating.
It's not an easy one guys.
But I think I can help you out.
I'll catch you guys next time.
As always,
love and peace.