It’s clear there is a lot of love out there for INFJs,
but there seems to also be a fair amount of hate for them too.
The INFJ is among the rarest personality type in the world. They’re the ‘Extroverted-Introverts’
of the MBTI, and they really can be walking talking contradictions.
So is it their rarity and unpredictability that makes them appear elusive and hard to relate to.
Well let’s explore with 10 reasons Why People Cannot Stand INFJs.
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They seem like know-it-alls
INFJs can appear very confident and self-assured because of their perceptive abilities
and intelligence. Some people tend to really admire this about them, However for others,
it can come off as quite pompous, and as if an INFJs is acting like they have a supreme
and objective knowledge on any given subject.
Whilst it is true, INFJs posses an Introverted Intuition (Ni) that gives them keen insights,
and they can be outspoken in sharing them, INFJs do not know everything, nor do they think they do.
It is often their passion about a topic or interest that can make them get
carried away in a conversation. Most tend to be quite reserved and try not to get too impassioned
about their beliefs in public, but sometimes they can’t help it. Usually they’re aim in
imparting their knowledge and insights, is a genuine belief it will be of help to others.
Their intention is never to appear like a “know it all”. In fact, if you ever told
an INFJ that they are a “know it all” they would probably be appalled at themselves.
They seem very judgemental
INFJs are often more critical than other types, and if you are one yourself,
you most likely just judged that statement. But regardless of how they feel about this trait,
INFJs are just naturally more predisposed to being critical than other types.
As individuals, they are very complex and tend to read too much into certain situations,
which can cause some difficulties in their relationships.
Beyond this, INFJs have an innate sense of what is right and wrong.
Their Introverted Intuition (Ni) / Extroverted Feeling (Fe) combination
means they spend their lives building a model for this. This combination also
tend to make them incredibly empathetic, and very discerning about peoples motives.
Ultimately though, they want the best for others, so they try to act as a
moral compass for everyone’s good. However this often leads some people to see them as
overly judgemental or condescending in their efforts to encourage better them.
They seem to be unforgiving
An INFJ will usually take the moral high ground in all things. They like to be honest and authentic
in their relationships, and they’ll always strive to do good in the world. As a result,
they can be especially disheartened when people do the opposite.
INFJs particularly detest being lied to or misled. Because they are adept at reading people,
they frequently have strong intuitive hunches when someone is lying to them.
This is often the reason why INFJs are more likely to end a relationship abruptly. If
they think they’re being manipulated, or they can no longer trust an individual, they’re not
the type to keep a fake charade of a relationship going. They’d much rather sever ties completely.
This is also usually done without much confrontation,
so a person rarely even knows how big of a boundary they have crossed,
to have caused an INFJ to shut them out with such finality.
While others might view this as the behaviour of a cold, ruthless person, this action is result of an
INFJ being deeply hurt. When an INFJ pushes people away, they do so out of pain rather than anger.
Behind their cold defensive exterior, exists the same warm-hearted person they've always been.
INFJs seem to be terrible communicators
It can be particularly difficult for an INFJ to articulate everything in their heads.
This is why they spend a lot of time thinking about their words.
They tend to be very coherent in their heads, but not so much when translating it verbally.
INFJs are much better communicators when it comes to writing. This is because they can write, edit
and re-edit their thoughts before releasing them to the world. Whereas with communicating verbally,
they’re required to say what you’re thinking on the spot, and that is quite hard to do for an
INFJ, because their answers and insights usually come to them in images, feelings, and impressions.
So its like trying to explain what a Picasso or Van Gogh painting looks
like right when someone asks you. You just can’t. Where do you start?
Especially for complex answers, INFJ’s need to “find” their point. Because their point
comes to them as a finished masterpiece that is clearly seen and visible to them,
but how can they explain that to someone else in a few sentences?
In writing, it gives them the needed centeredness, freedom, and time, to explore the part of their
response that really hits the nail on the head on a discussion they’re engaged in.
It may make them appear rather slow and clumsy in speech, but that's how an INFJ functions.
Quality over quantity.
They seem like they can ‘t take a joke
INFJs aren’t naturally as expressive with their facial expressions and body language
as the average person. They tend to have an intense stare, especially when listening, so most
people tend to assume their deposition is because they are overly intense and serious people.
INFJs will rarely, if ever, interject with jokes to lighten the mood in a conversation.
Their tendency is towards analysing deeply, talking on deep level about emotionally
charged or spiritual subjects. Some people have often even noted a slight anxiousness,
when an INFJ is trying to get their point across, because it's so important to them.
This is because the emotions can often be attached to the concept their discussing with someone.
So whilst its true, INFJs are more intense than the average person, it is only seen as a negative
because most people are too shallow to appreciate the depth of their thoughts and feelings.
They seem to not be able to take criticism
INFJs put a lot of weight on how their loved ones view them.
They can be perfectionists and don’t like feeling as if their actions have let anyone down,
and this ties into most things in their lives.
INFJs are widely thought of as being unable to take criticism.
Whilst it’s true INFJs can be more sensitive to a negative assessment, this does not mean they can’t
take any criticism. INFJs will actually gladly welcome feedback, if it is constructive. They’re
usually their biggest critic, so if someone can help them get better, they’re all for it.
Most INFJs also have a tendency to feel like they need to improve,
so they view constructive criticism as being something that gives them a chance to grow.
However criticism that is unfair, or is being used to break them down,
is what they have a a problem with, and will always have difficulty accepting.
They don’t seem to know what they want
INFJs desire to create a lasting sense of harmony and peace in their environment.
They take it upon themselves to ensure that their loved ones are always protected and taken care of.
This often means they want them to succeed, even if their achievements would cost them dearly.
INFJs are often very self-sacrificing,
and are mostly very willing to put themselves in harm’s way for others,
and if an INFJ cares deeply for someone, they will go above and beyond to make them happy.
As honourable intention-ed as this is,
it can cause some people to assume INFJs don’t really know what they want.
For example; When asked what restaurant they want to go to,
an INFJ will more often than not defer the question to someone else. This is rarely
because they don’t have opinion about where they want to go, but rather their priority is in
ensuring the happiness of the people they’re with, rather than their own want and needs.
Their great dislike of being a burden, also means
they will rarely put themselves above the people they care for.
The INFJ personality type is among the rarest in the world and as a result,
they might not be everyones cup of tea. INFJs tend to also be highly misunderstood and its
often this misunderstandings that creates wild, inaccurate misconceptions about them.
Sometimes it takes getting to know an INFJ better,
to dispel ones negative first impressions, but more often than not, it doesn't.
One of the hardest lessons an INFJ can ever learn is therefore, not everybody is going to like them.
As perplexing as this might be for some since, their smart, deeply loyal, and well,
likable. Their many admirable qualities are unfortunately going to be lost
on the majority of people they encounter.