YouTubers are becoming more and more popular.
So much so that by the year 2030,
Britain will be 28% YouTubers.
In this series, I, Liam Williams,
a man who requires a 90-minute session of CBT
every time he uses the internet, will be meeting them.
Come on! Woohoo!
Each week, I'll be taking a different challenge
as I try to become more like them
and hopefully win a £10,000 prize.
Oh!
KLAXON SOUNDS
Argh!
I don't like vloggers.
My taste is so niche that the only vlogs I watch are in Japanese.
SHE SPEAKS IN JAPANESE
You'd think I'd be the worst person to host a show about YouTubers,
except that a few months ago I entered a competition
called So You Think You Can Vlog?!
My articulate insights...
..dealing out fresh shit...
..inspired the great British public.
With the most votes is...
Vloggy McVlogface.
Which means I get £10,000
IF I first complete a series of challenges set by James Wirm,
the competition's very disappointed creator.
Vloggy McVlogface.
The thorn in my side.
The bane of my life.
This is where the magic happens.
There's old Pud on his phone.
All-butter flapjacks.
And then the slide. Very fun. Very Google.
Where does it go?
Just the basement.
What's down there?
Nothing.
Just these big water cooler... empty water cooler things.
It's actually more of a rubbish chute than a slide.
COFFEE CUP CLATTERS
Come on.
This week it is fashion and beauty.
And your challenge, Liam, my dear boy.
And I've got an app to do the drumroll for me...
DRUMROLL PLAYS
DRUMROLL CONTINUES
That's too long. Nothing needs that much build-up.
Right, your challenge is to do a promo
for a fashion or beauty brand.
Right, wow.
There is no right or wrong way of doing it.
But I can tell you the wrong way.
If you're sat there, on camera,
and it's this sort of thing...
..then, this is not at all meant as a character assassination...
..I'm working with faeces.
James sent me to have a special makeover session
at the house of his top client, Millipede.
It is makeover time!
Argh! OMG! I am so exci... Ooh.
Are you...?
Are you going to take that?
Are you sure?
I have enlisted the help of
expert beauty and fashion vlogger,
it's Chloe Sass.
What's up?
If you ask me, I think beards are the worst.
So, this is sensitive day cream.
For a long time I was actually using the insensitive night cream,
which I would not recommend,
because that did cause me to have nightmares.
So, you're Chloe?
Sorry?
Yeah. Well, it's great to meet you.
Chloe is a really great vlogger, OK?
She has nearly as many subscribers as me.
How many subscribers do you have, again, now?
700,000!
That actually isn't nearly as many as me.
Like...
Like, is and it isn't loads, if you know...?
Does that sound really rude?
Let us take a selfie, please, babe.
Can you take a selfie of us?
So do I do it...? Hold it...? Is it that way?
Sorry... Can you...? Yeah, can you...?
Sorry, can you take a selfie of us?
Oh, yeah.
BOTH: Beauty haul!
First beauty haul...
Millipede always describes her shopping trips as "hauls",
which makes it sound like she's prepping for a super-fun apocalypse.
Do you eat a lot of cheese, Liam?
Cheese? Um...
Like an average amount, I guess.
Yeah, I can tell.
What, just from my skin?
He needs something to sort of balance out the rattiness.
Also, his skin.
It's too thick.
It's both!
This is really going to help.
What's in it? Cos I've got quite...
I can get eczema and...
quite bad skin reactions.
It's completely natural and organic.
Just leave that on for an hour.
Ah, that's already sort of starting to burn, I think.
It's kind of hurting.
It's quite kind of corrosive. Is it?
That means it's working.
That smarts! Argh! ARGH!
Smarting! Urgh! Argh!
It's gone red!
Because the cream has gone all on me and it's a rash already!
You looked like that when you came here.
What is in that?!
So it's, like, kiwi...
Um... Dibutyl ph...
I can't even say that one!
Dibutyl phthalate. That's a chemical!
So?
A chemical can still be natural.
A chemical's still part of nature. It's still on Earth.
I was still rashy when I went
to meet Millipede's boyfriend, Charlie South,
who was off to sample his brand-new scent for the first time.
I'm off to sample my brand-new scent for the first time, and I am...
Footage of Charlie is a narrator's dream,
because he's always on Periscope
and therefore commenting on everything he ever does anyway.
Just crossing the road right now.
Here we go. Back on the pavement.
Say hi, Liam.
Ah!
This advertising agency connects vloggers
with pharmaceutical companies.
It's easier to promote products on the internet,
because you're not legally required to be honest.
What floor are we?
'Doors closing.'
"Doors closing"!
Are you all right?
Yeah, yeah, I've just got a bit of a rash.
CHARLIE LAUGHS
'Lower ground floor.'
Someone put a chemical on me, so...
I think it'll be all right. In the end.
You're not involved in branding, by any chance, are you?
Yeah, well, I'm a vlogger. So...
But that's not really my...
Oh, I'm actually representing a revolutionary new skincare brand.
Oh, right.
It can heal 99% of skin conditions.
He's got more than 99...
We're looking for someone to promote it.
Oh, my God, Liam, you should do that. Do that!
Um...
What sort of thing...? Is it, like, an expensive...?
Well, it's £500 for a litre.
Is it like a prescription?
No. It's a no, but thanks so much...
You should ask him. He'll do it. He loves money.
No, your face is fine.
But you'd be perfect.
Um... I will not want...
I'll take that just to be polite,
but I'm going to throw that in the bin,
but thanks for your time.
Professional vloggers do corporate promotions all the time,
but I didn't yet feel comfortable using my face to sell a product.
I would have to pay close attention
to Charlie's expert promotional skills.
Don't know why Millie's being so weird with me.
Is she?
Why? What do you mean?
OK, right, you tell me to tell you about the scent.
Tell me about the scent.
Right, so, this is my new scent. I'm super excited about it.
It's called Smell Of The South.
All my subscribers had to suggest
different fragrances
to go into the scent.
Do you want to read them out?
I'd love to. OK...
Oh! I feel nervous. It's so stupid.
So, the scents that are going into Smell Of The South...
Do you want a drumroll?
Everyone's different.
..are as follows.
The first scent in the aftershave will be...
Nice. Sort of, like...manly smell.
I like that.
The second scent, joining oak in the aftershave, will be...
OK. Like a... Like a...
Oh, like a hog roast?
Doesn't say "hog roast".
It says "hogs".
That's quite manly, as well, isn't it?
A hog is a male pig.
OK, and the final smell to be in your aftershave
will be...CK One aftershave.
OK, nice.
OK, let's give it a smell.
I'd love to smell...
Clear your lungs.
Beautiful smell.
Oh! That's... Gah! Is there something...?
Is there a chemical in the top of the bottle or something?
You have to clear the pipes through, maybe.
Ah, that's worse! It's hogs! CHARLIE COUGHS
They've captured the hogs.
It's burning.
Why don't you put some on if you think it's so nice?
That is nice.
No, cos I'm going out for some dinner...
You go out for dinner, you put aftershave on.
That's the best time.
and there is an open kitchen there, so...
So, sort of, like... That will over-mask the smell of the...
It's just... You just put some on, then.
Argh, no! That's not going to help my rash, is it?
It's hogs!
Shush!
Hey, guys! Here it is.
I've just smelt my new scent and it's amazing!
HE COUGHS
I thought it was terrible that Charlie would lie
about a dodgy beauty product on camera.
It's Rashy McRashface!
But I also felt terrible about my severe rash.
So, once again, I decided to sell out.
It's a bit worse than I thought.
It's disgusting.
Erm, OK, we're just going to just use the foundation.
Foundation?
That's like make-up, isn't it?
It 100% works, we're just having to fast-track the process.
Covering it up?
You should take some home and just work...
..on some different areas.
Let's just get it done. Get it out of the way.
Here's me before.
And just look at me now.
The difference is incredible.
'And it's real.
'So, for just £500 per litre,
'you really can't afford to let skincare problems
'ruin your life any more.'
That was a bit better.
You've nailed it, my son. Congratulations.
Our next challenge is, I will... Here we are.
RAPID DRUMROLL
That's now too short. Our next challenge is music.
Cool.
Nozomi Hottah. Gadget girl.
"Hiya!"
What?!
Guess who is going to be her representative in the UK.
Who?
She's coming to the UK? Can I meet her?
I'm surprised.
I didn't think she'd be your type.
What are you on about, type? I never said...
I didn't say I fancy her, I just said I wanted to meet her.
Just cos she's a very professional, likeable, beautiful vlogger...
Whoa, there it is again.
It's nothing to do with fancying anybody.
I just want to meet Nozomi because...
..I want to learn some tips from a professional blogger -
I thought that's what you want.
I tell you what I'll do for you... I've got you that.
That's a month's supply of Simpladerm.
Use it sparingly, son.
Eke it out.
I was heading still further down YouTube's slippery slope.
In my remaining four challenges, I would be tackling fitness,
technology
and music.
RAPS: # White man can't rap, no
# White man's just crap, Whoa
# White boy can't flow. #
Sorry, that's too fast. Can you go...? Sorry, mate.
Can you...? That's too fa... That's far too fast.
That's like Usain Bolt's producing that one. All right.