- What you're describing, Kayla,
is actually post traumatic growth.
Have you heard of post traumatic growth?
- No.
- So, we've talked about Post Traumatic Stress,
but there's this beautiful concept
called post traumatic growth,
that we can go through a trauma
and, yes, we'll experience symptoms of grief
and depression, maybe even anxiety,
that's all normal.
And resiliency is about bouncing back
to my pre-trauma self,
who I was before I experienced that trauma or that loss.
But then post traumatic growth is about entering
into the flourishing range.
Actually becoming a better version of yourself,
for what you've been through,
and it doesn't mean that you're glad you went
through the trauma or the loss
but it's, "I'm coming through this,
"and I'm changed for the better.
"I'm not staying in that,
sort of, dark stage of grief
"or dark period of grief.
"And I'm not just being resilient,
"I'm actually flourishing."
And so this, some psychological concepts
that are linked with that, and it's gratitude,
what you're describing.
"I'm grateful."
Social support,
which we're talking about grieving in community.
It's having a renewed sense of purpose and meaning in life
that okay, "I want to focus on this because
"the other stuff doesn't matter anymore."
And even belief in a God who cares.
Research has shown that that is linked
with post traumatic growth.
- Wow
- And hope.
So all these things that we've been talking about today
are really linked with that post traumatic growth,
that we can get through stronger.
- It's almost like, when your loved one falls asleep,
that it wakes you up.
- That's exactly right.
- Yeah, it's good. It does.
- It wakes you up.
Because it's not like you weren't living
a beautiful life before,
but your intentionality to make it's sure it's so,
is just more heightened, don't you think?
- Oh yeah, I totally agree with that.
Yeah, that's beautiful.
- And everything that you're saying,
It is, and we've had a series,
I mean, in the last two years,
as recently as in the last 48 hours,
we are, in our family, up to a loss of 8 people
in 2 years.
It's almost like it just won't stop,
but,
the acuteness, sometimes fear,
but more so awareness
that we are not designed for here,
that we are not always going to be here,
so with whatever time we have,
how do we want to spend it.
- Developing.
- And then you just find yourself saying,
"Certain things just aren't worth the energy."
- That's right.
- I don't have time to be angry with you.
I don't have time to waste.
And that, all the things that I wanted to do,
that I meant to do,
including giving a beautiful life
to those that I love, my children,
I'm limited on my time.
- Nothing doesn't matter.
- Right.
- Everything matters, that's right.
- But the little nothings don't matter.
- Right.
- Yeah, the little things grow smaller.
- You just kinda learn to pick what to flush,
and what to flourish.
Because, so many things that mattered before,
shouldn't matter now.
You flush those things that really don't matter,
because you're judging everything
in the light of eternity now,
not in the light of life on the earth,
but my expectation level changes,
for every decision I make is about,
eternal things.
I heard someone say recently that so makes me think
of what we're talking about this week.
We are so
hardwired
in our Christian faith to look for this spectacular,
that we miss the supernatural,
and all of these journeys are supernatural journeys.
God is taking us from glory to glory
but between glory, is hell.
(laughing)
There's all these valleys of hell that we go through.
We don't bounce from glory to glory,
we walk through hell to get to another little glory,
walk through hell to get to another little glory,
but we're flourishing,
because we're moving.
- Yeah.
- I didn't want to move,
I thought,
"Awesome, Gabrielle's going to heaven,
"a week later, I'm fighting horrible symptoms,
"three months later, I'm diagnosed with colon cancer,
"yahoo, I'm out of here."
And that's what I want people
who are watching us to understand,
you don't have to stop living,
that's a choice I made.
I made a choice to stop living,
and then I decided, I'm gonna live.
And I think when grief comes so many times,
it's like it's screaming at you,
"Just stop living,"
"just stop living,"
but that's the lie, we can't,
if you believe that lie,
you're gonna stop living.
- Right.
- And everybody around you is gonna have
to watch you wither up and die.
- But here's the beautiful thing about grief,
if you'll allow it to do so,
it gives you the opportunity
to wear a new set of lenses.
- Yeah.
- It gives you a new pair of glasses--
- Absolutely.
- To see your experiences through and,
I believe that, even in the conversation that we're having,
it's waking somebody up to go,
"Wait I can look at this differently"
- Yeah
- Right.
- I can look at this differently and,
if I haven't been living up until now,
it's not too late for me to start.
And to be living well,
and to be making what I have in my life,
the people that I have in my life by experiences, beautiful.
- It pulls your focus.
- It gets all,
"Get this out of the way and let's focus.
- It brings you down
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