Hello, I'm Matt Edmondson
and welcome to The Apprentice: Meet The Candidates.
Once again, the greatest business minds in Britain have put themselves
forward for the ultimate investment opportunity and there is only one
person that Lord Sugar trusts to conduct those interviews.
Sadly, they're not available
so instead I've grabbed the audition tapes
and created my own alternative interviews.
OK, Carina, let's start with some poetry.
What have you got for me?
Pocket Rocket's what I used to be called in M&S.
Pocket Rocket - you don't really want to mess.
That was almost a Shakespearean sonnet.
Why Pocket Rocket?
When I take my heels off I'm five foot one.
Tell me about it.
I seem as though I have had
everything handed to me on a spoon.
A spoon? Sounds like a bit of a struggle.
People normally at least get it handed to them on a plate.
I mean, how much could you even fit on a spoon?
I really haven't. That isn't the case.
I've managed to get two eggs balanced perfectly on top
of the spoon - this is incredible.
Just keep spouting some generic Apprentice audition nonsense
and I'll focus on this.
As Shakespeare said, "Though she be but little, she is fierce,"
and I really am...
Yeah, great, but look, I've managed to get a pineapple on there, too.
I'm not here to be the queen of a jungle.
I'm here to be the queen of a business empire.
Yeah, sure, but is this not the most amazing thing you've ever seen?
If you don't want a brutal answer, don't ask a stupid question.
OK, Dean. So, if you could begin by saying anything that doesn't start
with the phrase, "At the end of the day," that would be ideal.
At the end of the day if I've got my view
I'm going to make sure it's going to be heard.
Ah, Dean that was almost perfect,
but you just slipped up at the beginning there by saying,
"At the end of the day." Do you want to try again?
At the end of the day I'm confident in what I do,
my skill set and what I have done.
I'm not confident that you can stop starting sentences with the phrase,
"At the end of the day."
So, Marianne, what piece of advice do you live your life by?
Anybody that comes into your house
you have to offer them tea.
You're right. How rude of me. Would you like some tea?
No.
You're not supposed to say yes when somebody offers you tea.
Yeah, right, but do you want a tea?
Yeah.
No.
You're actually supposed to say no
and then let them insist.
OK, let me insist again.
Would you like a cup of tea?
So I'm considering all of the
pros, cons, long-term effects,
short-term effects of the things that I'm thinking about doing,
but I'm doing it very, very quickly,
and I make a decision.
OK. So your answer is...?
This is easy - I can do this tea thing.
Finally!
It's gone cold.
Hi, my name is Souleyman Bah.
Hello, mate. I'd offer you some tea but I've given up.
Why try at all if you're not going to do it properly?
Make sure you analyse everything, do everything to the T,
just like how it's supposed to be done and you will get
a good end out of it.
Oh, sure. Now everyone's a tea expert.
What do you know about success anyway?
I've won a gold medal in Brazil in the junior 100 metres
in 11 seconds,
so I'm currently training for the Tokyo 2020 Paralympics.
OK. Well, I recently won...
..an egg and spoon race.
Yeah, today I'm Batman.
Yeah...
I've got my, erm... What car have I got today?
I've got a Mercedes Coupe today.
OK. I think you'll find that I'm Batman and I actually arrived
in a Nissan Cube.
Anyway, tell me more about you.
I'll shake your hand with my right but I'll hold
a rock in my left cos I don't trust anyone.
Yeah, well, little did you know that Batman always keeps a piece
of paper in his left hand and paper beats rock.
Batman wins.
At the end of the day,
if I'm me my whole time I know that I'm going to succeed in business.
Well, in this environment, Dean, you're not succeeding, are you,
at the one very simple thing I've asked you to do?
So, try again.
At the end of the day I've got a proven track record.
Oh, OK... We're going to try this one more time.
Just try and say any sentence
that doesn't start with the phrase
"At the end of the day."
At the end of the day, in business,
if you chase money you're never going to get money.
OK...
OK, Pamela, what do you think has been missing from your life?
I don't think I've been tested.
OK. Well, I think I can help with that.
Question one - in 1996, what Celine Dion track reached No 6
in the UK chart?
All By Myself.
What does the acronym WYSIWYG stand for?
What you see is what you get.
How quickly can you solve these three anagram conundrums?
I have determination, drive and resilience.
Phew! That was quick.
You're good at this.
Name is Thomas Skinner.
My age is 28 years old
and I sell pillows.
Well, what stroke of luck, Thomas Skinner, cos I'm actually building
an archway in my house at the moment
and I need a load of pillars to help hold it up.
How many have you got?
We've done 6,000 pillows in the last couple of months.
which ain't too sad.
Whoa! That is a lot of pillars.
What have you been building, a coliseum?
How sturdy are they?
They're 100% memory foam.
Hm... That doesn't seem very structurally sound.
Look, mate, I don't think you're right there.
Can we just double check, you definitely sell pillars?
I sell myself.
OK, I'm a bit confused.
Just to check, do you sell anything else with these pillows?
I sell pillows and mattresses, yeah, that's me.
Can I get one of those?
HE SCREAMS
Lubna, tell me about you.
I'm a very direct and honest person.
Me, too. In fact, I was saying exactly the same thing
on my Instagram earlier.
I'm not a follower.
I don't like other people wasting my time.
Are you telling me you want to see top-quality online content?
It depends on the situation and the person.
Well, the situation is a man aiming to break the world record
for the fastest consumed pint of milk, and the man is me.
There will be hiccups.
We'll see about that.
Lord Sugar like a multi-tasker.
Show me - how would you brush your teeth
and waft away a wasp at exactly the same time?
Well, here we are again,
and I'll be honest, I'm slightly concerned that I've lost my edge
when it comes to interviewing Apprentice candidates.
Ah! Tomorrow you'll be fine.
I very much appreciate that. Any advice?
Be kind.
That is going to be a challenge. Anything else?
Fight for whatever you want to live for.
This is empowering stuff.
And just be awesome, love yourself with everything.
Everything that you have.
Yeah, I currently only have this banana.
Dean, I'm begging you. Just one sentence, one sentence
that doesn't start with the phrase, "At the end of the day." One!
At the end of the day I'm a person...
I'm who I am and I think, from a young age,
I've always been a very purebred entrepreneur.
Please, Dean, please! Just one sentence, Dean!
Just one sentence!
Well, I am really
the epitome of,
I like to think, of luxury.
Finally, someone on my level.
Tell me more about you.
I would say that I am the David Dickinson...
The David Dickinson of business.
That's funny because I would say you're the Michael Macintyre
of this room. Can I offer you a chocolate?
I will eat anything that comes in my way in order to get what I want
and I'm not afraid to make a few noises if I'm not happy.
OK. Maybe later.
OK. Iasha, a few quickfire questions.
What do you wish you could change about yourself?
I think it's quite a weird thing to say,
but I wish I could be less driven.
Maybe it's time to stop taking taxis.
What advice would you give to someone facing a shark attack?
If they see weakness in you they're going to try and bring you down.
Wise words. Finally, in your opinion,
what are the best two ways to heat up food?
Microwaves or hair dryers.
Finally, somebody who understands fine cuisine.
My name's Lewis, I'm 28, and I currently work
as a digital marketing manager.
OK, Lewis, well, you should know that we only have one rule
in this room...
So, why are you right for this process?
Lewis is a guy who just doesn't want to grow up
but he wants to be successful.
He's passionate and driven. He's going to get where he's going
but he's not going to do it the same way as everyone else.
At the end of the day, you've just got to keep fighting
and that's what I'm going to keep doing until I win this process.
Dean, please, just one sentence!
At the end of the day it's only going to come and...
What's the expression?
Scarlett, I'm ideally looking for a candidate
who rhymes all of their sentences. Are you up to the job?
I'm kind of in it to win it.
Good start. Do you think you've got the right energy for this process?
Where your emotions go your energy will flow.
You are good at this.
It says here that you've got two kids - is that right?
They're called the trio, sometimes the three-o.
When it comes to rhyme
you are sublime.
It's rubbing off.
I would say I am...
..too competitive at times.
Me, too. What have you competed in?
I run.
Played football.
Played cricket.
I'll tell you what, if you're so competitive,
I challenge you to a dance-off.
Oh, yeah, I see you're also all about those shoulders.
One, two...
Ah, the old tying a bow on a birthday present.
Listen, this is too close. We need to settle this some other way.
Challenge me to something.
How quickly can you eat?
By the way, what is this?
Alcohol-infused ice cream.
Delicious.
Absolutely delicious.
So, there you have it. Another bunch of business brains
ready to turn up with their tiny suitcases and walk inconsiderately
across the bridges of London.
Make sure you catch them in action
when The Apprentice returns.
I can't wait.