- They're like two of the things I dislike the most.
- Oh really?
Cherry pie's the best pie, apple pie can suck my (bleep)!
(epic orchestral music)
- What's up?
- What's up friends?
- So today we are going to be tasting and ranking
Trader Joe's frozen dessert.
Originally we were gonna go do every dessert,
but then we got there and we realized
that there are too many.
- We do have frozen ice cream bars,
but any ice cream that comes in a pint or a quart
we counted that out because it would have taken 60 years.
- There are literally 29
(buzzing)
Trader Joe's frozen dessert.
- It's just so many.
- I love Trader Joe's!
- I also love Trader Joe's.
And I remember when it first opened near my house
when I was a kid, one time I stole
a clementine accidentally.
- I feel like if you don't like cooking
Trader Joe's gets you like 2/3 of the way there.
They're like, you gotta do the last third on your own,
but we are gonna give you a little push.
- Right off into the ledge of mouth canyon.
I visited there once with an old flame.
- I feel like you go there with every flame.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, love mouth canyon.
So Jen and I love to eat food together.
- We know that our friend Keith does videos
where he eats everything at McDonald's,
Matt Stonie does videos where he'll order everything
at a fast food restaurant, eat it.
Basically we've been asked to do eating videos,
mukbang type style videos for awhile,
also forgive me if I'm saying mukbang wrong.
And we always sort of said no,
because we had already eaten lunch.
We just love Trader Joe's they have so many (bleep) desserts
I haven't eaten lunch and my dinner was a light
huge thing of fried chicken, so I just wanna eat
some (bleep) desserts.
- Here's the thing, I've thought about this
very methodically.
We are overestimating how much dessert we have
in terms of stomach space.
So we need to be very judicious
and take breaks and take tiny bites.
And we're gonna put them into three categories,
just okay, pretty good, and great.
And then at the end we're gonna rank them
and we must agree on the ranking.
- So it won't be that hard.
- Yeah I mean I feel like
we're gonna have a lot of tie votes.
I think chocolate ice cream is
the worst flavor of ice cream.
- I think you are saying really horrible,
hurtful things to me right now.
- I think chocolate ice cream tastes like Play-Doh.
It doesn't matter.
- What, do you like vanilla ice cream, you (bleep)!
What's your favorite dessert, is it apple pie?
- No, I like tiramisu, I like chocolate based desserts,
I like hazelnut.
- [Jen] You don't like chocolate ice cream?
- No because chocolate ice cream
doesn't taste like chocolate.
- [Jen] Yeah whatever.
- [Kristin] It tastes like paste.
- Okay, keep going.
- It tastes like a boring--
- You know what, I want you to stop.
- Oh this is gonna be a day, should we dig in?
- Yes.
The first dessert we'll be trying today is
Trader Joe's Tiramisu, which is melting a little bit.
- So we've already unboxed these obviously
and Jen has definitely unboxed the living crap
out of this dessert.
It looks like a bear got into it.
Let's do it.
It has good coffee flavor, it's very creamy,
it's not to coffee-ee, and I'm already breaking my rule,
I said I was only gonna have one bite.
- I know this one's good!
- Tiramisu is officially.
- [Both] Really great!
- Did you already get it on the table.
Next is the cheesecake.
- It's specifically the New York
Deli Style Baked Cheesecake.
It's a little lumpy.
- Yeah it kinda tastes extremely average cookie dough.
- Mm hmm, yes.
- New York Deli Style Cheesecake is just okay.
Macaron aux Framboises.
- I don't like raspberries.
- [Jen] I do like raspberry.
- Oh my god.
- Wow, I already feel kinda sick.
- We're three in!
- I'm a savory meats person!
I think the raspberry is honestly the best part of it.
- Yeah agree.
- The cream and actual cakey crust
is kind of indistinguishable from each other.
- It's just okay.
This is the Chocolate Almond Butter Tarte.
- Also my senior quote.
- [Kristin] Jen Ruggirello
- [Both] Chocolate almond butter tarte.
- Class of 2011.
I actually really love almond desserts
and I love chocolate so I have high hopes for this one.
- I don't love almonds.
I think almonds are just kind of there.
- I like that.
- This is really good.
- The chocolate is present, the almonds are present
and it's got a decent texture, it's not too soft.
Chocolate Almond Butter Tarte, pretty good!
- [Kristin] Pretty good!
- The next thing we're gonna try is the Tarte Aux Fruits
which is a mixed berry tarte.
- I think berries have been leaning on their reputation
for being really tasty for a long time
and I think it's time for berries to step down.
The two main ingredients are raspberries, sugar,
and then blueberries.
This looks like something that you would serve
at your thanksgiving dinner.
- Oh whoa.
- I hate this.
- This is genuinely a case of the berries are good,
how much sugar did they add to that tarte?
- They're drowning.
This is a category we didn't think
we were gonna have to use, which is Bad.
- Sorry France, your Tarte Aux Fruit was disappointing.
- I don't think France made this,
oh it does say product of France!
Why are you still eating?
We both agreed this was bad.
- I just want lunch.
- A Dozen Sweet Bites.
- We have raspberry cake, I don't like it.
- I don't like it either.
- Chocolate and coffee opera cake.
- Oh that's great, oh you don't like it.
- It's okay.
And a caramel and chocolate cake.
Oh, it's crispy.
- The texture of whatever's on top.
- I think it's the caramel.
- It's like chunky.
I'm really disappointed, I thought these were
gonna be the best ones.
- We love cute things.
- You betrayed me.
- This is just okay.
Get outta here!
- Get outta here.
- Six down.
- 23 to go.
Oh this is gonna take two days.
Next we have.
- [Jen] Berry Crazy!
- [Krisitn] Dark chocolate covered strawberry pieces,
oh that's why they're so tiny.
- The chocolate is good, I love the texture
of the frozen strawberry.
- I do not, it tastes like it's freezer burned a little bit.
This is solidly just okay.
- Cold brew latte dessert bars,
and so as not to waste more than one popsicle
we are simply gonna cut off little pieces.
- Just the tip, nope that's not gonna work.
- I think it's working.
- Nope, here we, here we, give it to me
this is gonna take longer, ope!
- I did it!
- That's not bad at all.
- This might be my favorite thing.
- I'm gonna venture so far as to give this a lick,
I'm sorry, you can't have it back, so if you want anymore.
Well now I may not give it a lick.
Brainfreeze?
- Uh huh.
- Did you eat that cold thing a little bit too fast?
Maybe should you have slowed down?
- Mm hm.
- Alright this is pretty good.
You wanna toss it just in that little, okay.
- Jordan!
Ice cream bon bons, what are they flavored?
- Vanilla!
- That's it?
That's so boring.
- Vanilla has a place okay?
- Yeah, in the trash!
- This is like a Mickey bar at Disneyland, but better.
- That cookie crust is exquisite.
- Pretty good dessert.
- Oh (bleep) our lunch is here, I'm gonna call him.
(chill lounge music)
The next dessert we'll be trying is
the Brownie Coffee Crisp Ice Cream Sandwiches.
- At first I was excited, I think it's too coffee.
- It's very sugary and it's kind of uncomfortable.
- It's just okay.
Okay will you please put the Cheetos down?
I don't want to hear you complain in 45 minutes
about how you're full.
So next we're doing these Chocolate Filled Crepes.
They look like chocolate filled craps.
(laughing)
- [Jen] They just look a little sad.
- [Kristin] They look like little burnt fingers.
- [Jen] They also look too thick
- [Both] to be crepes.
- That is--
- Not good.
- The chocolate is somehow sour
and also too sweet at the same time.
- I think this goes in the very coveted penalty box.
- Not a good showing for France.
- Next.
- Canneles de Bordeaux.
Oh it seems like it might be French again.
- They look like two art nouveau little boobs.
Ooh, it is a rubbery texture we got going on here.
- Love that, oh.
- It's not terrible.
- The texture really threw me off.
- The more I eat it the more I'm like, I think I like this.
- I mean I think it's bad, you like it, which means.
- [Kristin] Just okay.
- I'm sorry I hope we're still friends.
- We're not.
- Well then, enjoy your new best friend.
Mango and Cream Bars.
I'm curious to find out what you think of these
because you don't like fruit very much.
- I do like fruit, I just don't like
fruit based desserts.
- And I think for a popsicles sake, we should suck it.
- I'm mad, they're delicious.
- I've had these before and I eat them regularly.
- I think the tanginess of the mango
is balanced by the cream of the cream.
These are really good.
- Funny thing is about the next
five desserts we have are all mochi.
Matcha GreenTea Mochi ice creams.
I have a feeling it's really going to depend
on the flavor of the ice cream because mochi is mochi.
I like it.
- Not the best mochi I've ever had,
it's a little bit bitter.
- This one might be just okay.
Coffee Mochi with a saucy mochi center,
and I don't really know what that means.
- Does it have an ooey gooey center?
No. - No.
It's weird to have coffee that bitter
in something that's so cold.
Honestly the best part about that is the mochi.
Penalty box bad?
- I think it's a penalty box bad.
- More mochi, but this time it's a flavor
that we know Trader Joe's can do really well.
- Which is mango.
- So this is not necessarily ice cream
this is actual mango inside, and that's pretty delightful.
It's okay if you don't like it.
- I don't, I think the problem is,
mochi part melts really fast
and the frozen fruit is like, frozen!
- I like 'em, you don't, they're just okay.
- Thai tea mini mochi.
- I'm curious about this 'cause Thai tea
has a pretty mild flavor.
- I think if you like Thai tea it's pretty good.
- This one somehow tastes kind of burnt.
- Someone left the Thai tea on the kettle
a little bit too long and now we're gettin' Thai crumbs.
It's just okay.
- So our last mochi is Mochi Strawberry!
- It doesn't separate quite as easily as the other mochis.
- Texture's a little weird.
I like it.
- It's really good, I think this is
the best mochi we've had.
- Cookie Ice Cream Sandwiches!
Let's each bite an end.
- Oh my god it's like Lady and the Tramp!
- As soon as I made that idea I was like,
these are too small.
- Ooh, these are really good.
- When you compare it to other
cookie ice cream sandwiches I've had, pretty good.
Trader Joey's Soy Creamy Mini Vanilla Sandwiches.
Oh.
- Not bad.
You hate this?
- I don't love.
- The soy ice cream?
- The soy ice cream.
- This one is pretty good.
- I feel awful.
Fruit Frenzy Bars!
This has three different flavors,
raspberry, lemon, and strawberry,
so I think we should taste each layer.
- If this bar could just be made out of the strawberry
and the raspberry part I'd be like, yes!
- Well if it averages out to good, okay, and good.
- I would say this is pretty good.
- [Both] The Lime Fruit Floes.
- If you want lemonade, but as a popsicle.
- You've found your guy.
- This is it.
- I think this is.
- [Both] Pretty good.
- My hands are very sticky.
- The raspberry and vanilla cream bars.
Now we had close cousin of this earlier,
which was the mango cream bar.
This adds vanilla to the whole equation.
I don't love the vanilla.
- I like this a lot.
Wow, I'm liking a lot of fruit based desserts today.
- Put it in the pretty good pile.
French macarons, they have very vanilla and very chocolate.
And they are considered lusciously French.
The French have not been doing very well this whole video.
They have been really letting us down.
- [Kristin] It's like a little hamburger.
- It does taste a little artificial.
- And macaron has to have kind of a flaky outside
and this is a little soggy.
And it's 'cause they were frozen.
- Yeah, ooh that is some artificial vanilla as well.
- I'm not a fan.
I think these are just okay.
Last five desserts!
Can you eat that 'sserts girl?
- Okay, these are apple blossoms, they're fully baked.
I don't really like apple desserts.
- I don't know what these fi apples are,
but they are delicious, I think these are.
- Pretty great.
Our next item is more macarons!
- Oh.
- We have fig, lemon, apricot, coconut,
pistachio, and salted caramel.
- Oh (bleep) we gotta try all of these?
- This is the salted caramel.
The actual cookie is much crispier
than the previous macarons we had.
I don't even like caramel that much, but that's decent.
This is pistachio.
- That's pretty good.
- That's a great pistachio.
Apricot is a little bit artificial.
- I don't love the apricot.
- [Jen] Fig.
- Ooh that's good.
- Coconut.
I usually don't love artificial coconut.
- Hit me with that nut!
- This one is very very sugary.
- [Kristin] Tastes like lotion.
- Alright these are lemons.
Tastes kind of like a weird lemon bar.
- Everything through coconut is solid.
- Coconut and lemon are just.
- Bath products.
So I would say this is still.
- [Both] Pretty good.
- How many do we have left, is it three?
- [Producer] Three.
- Oh god, give me strength.
The lava cake!
- It's very dry, it's very dense,
it's not my favorite, in fact I think it's just okay.
Mini Mint Ice Cream Mouthfuls.
- I am taking the world's smallest bite of this.
- Not if I take it first.
- Pretty good.
Last dessert!
- The final dessert we are going to be trying
is Mini Hold the Cone Ice Cream Cone!
- Cheers, we did it!
You broke mine!
- [Jen] Ugh, so good.
- Really great.
- We tried every frozen dessert from Trader Joe's.
- Could you imagine if we tried to do the ice cream too?
- No!
Do I look normal?
Of all the desserts we tried today
my top three were tiramisu, vanilla ice cream cones,
and my number one, as always, mango and cream bars.
- My top three are the tiramisu at number three,
the apple blossom at number two, and at number one,
vanilla ice cream cone.
My bottom three are the fruit tarte, coffee mochi.
- And the French crepes.
- Oh the French crepes, so bad.
- I think we have the same bottom three.
- Honorable mention to worst dessert
is definitely to those vanilla and chocolate macarons.
Here's the thing, we taught you all about awesome desserts
and we had fun doing it.
- Mm hm.
- Trying every frozen dessert at Trader Joe's!
- Lady tasted.
- [Both] Lady
- [Jen] Tired of eating desserts.
- [Kristin] We tried them but we're tired.
(laughing)
- [Jen] Cut!
(indie pop music)