hey lindsay how are you hey aubry i'm doing great i'm excited to be on video today
yes right if you guys don't know you can find this episode on youtube as well if you want
to see us as we're chatting it's always nice yes good stuff what are we talking about today
this is really interesting it's a follow-up to a recent episode lindsay and i recorded about
arrogance versus competence and we kind of started talking about you know there are a lot of words
that have a negative connotation the gender sort of plays a part sometimes we were mentioning how
a man might be called outspoken and it's a positive thing but maybe for a woman it's not
oh my gosh we mentioned like this would be a great separate episode what are some of these words
and i kind of wanted to talk more about like some of the words that are a little bit derogatory and
the better option that's often used for men that we should use for both genders oh my gosh that we
should use for bo exactly that is the key right why are we in a way insulting women sometimes by
using words that are not as nice when we're trying to say the same thing right guys yeah you guys are
at the level you are ready for this right you're ready to up level your english and really connect
right that is the key if you use a word that is actually derogatory and you don't realize it
that will immediately break the connection and we are here for connection right operatively
that's such a good point that often you might use one of these words because you've heard someone
else use them without even realizing there's this connotation it might cause offense so now
with today's episode you'll have a better idea of sort of the feelings that some of these words are
evoking and what you could stay and say instead yes good stuff so again where can they go to
go back and listen to that other episode where we got this idea what was that number that was
episode 1794 it was called don't be complacent about adjectives with a negative connotation
that was a really good one so make sure and check it out if you didn't hear it yeah exactly and we
talked about in that episode the concept of being outspoken right and where do we start ben let's
talk about that one a little bit yeah so this i feel like if you call a man outspoken it just it
has a pretty positive connotation it just means he speaks his mind yeah whereas potentially if
you said this about a woman you might be you know saying she's speaking her mind when she shouldn't
there's just this strange gender connotation that shouldn't be there it's part of our culture
other cultures as well i imagine just because we have you know a lot of fraught history
when it comes to gender yeah you know and i'm sure that other cultures are potentially even
more challenging than here in the us for women especially in the business world right so and
this is also a great conversation starter for you guys right with native speakers you could have
this conversation what is it like in the working world for women in modern times right now in 2022
okay right it is an interesting conversation and like you said lindsay you don't want to hurt that
connection by creating awkwardness or or something that's a little derogatory so to be aware of this
because yeah sometimes in english there are different adjectives that mean the same thing
really yes but have a little bit of a different connotation yeah so i can't wait to get into this
today guys we're going to give you actual words specific words and let you know whether you should
use them or whether you shouldn't but first aubrey we want to thank our listeners who have reviewed
the show in apple podcast or spotify i'm going to throw out some names of reviewers you guys
are going to become famous so thank you to bijan saeed hossain mir hadi armeen maryam bigly amiresa
and mohamed pannahi guys thank you so much for your amazing reviews aubrey the reviews are
fantastic as usual i know i love reading the reviews and they are fantastic because it's a
great podcast but yes leave us a review it's so fun yeah guys and make sure you hit follow on
the podcast we do try to read out names of people who have reviewed the show when we can so you may
get your name right out on the show out loud good stuff awesome so let's dive into this right the
the whole idea is that some character traits like we said being outspoken or maybe being ambitious
are often considered by society positive or attractive in men but potentially negative in
women and i do feel like this is evolving some thank goodness it is evolving yeah yes but this
idea definitely still exists and as we go over these words i think you guys are going to start
being like ah you're right i see what you're saying yeah oh even ambitious i hadn't thought
about ambitious and it's not really on the list today but true right that can i think especially
for older generations right i think nowadays if you say that a woman is ambitious and she's you
know right now in 2022 it's usually a good thing do you think it depends on who you're talking
to right i don't know if my grandma would agree because like you said the older generation they
often still feel a woman has a certain place and if she's ambitious with her career is she taking
care of her kids like those ideas are still out there and it's something we need to adjust like
yeah in my opinion we need to change we need to we need to update the weight absolutely all right
let's go through the list here for a list this is a list that was compiled by the european institute
for you gender find it online we're not going over every adjective but a few of these we're
going to highlight and we'll share the adjective that's commonly used for women that's a little bit
derogatory and then the better language that means the same thing and is used more often for men
yes potentially should be used instead for women as well absolutely so the first one can i go ahead
and let our listeners know what it is well they're too actually so the first one guys so bossy or
pushy okay yes and this right it means that you are telling someone what to do but both of those
words if someone called me pushy or bossy both of them feel very derogatory like you clearly think
it's a bad thing that i'm telling you what to do yeah when i think of the word pushy i think of a
sales person like a car sales person right you're on the lot and they're just trying to push you
in you didn't come to buy a car you just want to look and they don't let you look they just
try to rope you into a deal right that's also pretty annoying pretty obvious right exactly and
it's not fair because what are we actually talking about we're not talking about that we're talking
about something else right exactly the better word that's used more often for men is assertive so if
you're being assertive you're letting someone know what to do you're leading a team this is
so positive yes it's really not different you're bossing someone you're telling someone what to
do but it's crazy how the connotation there's nothing derogatory about the word assertive
right exactly and i would add to that maybe assertive or a strong leader right or things like
that just decisive there are a few other words right exactly all of which are very positive that
are framing someone as a very good leader rather than just someone who's being bossy exactly so
guys be careful you know also i would say you know think about this today how can you challenge maybe
even how can you challenge native speakers if you hear them say oh our female boss is is pushy you
say what do you mean by that you know what about this i think she's actually pretty assertive there
you go right to reframe it and say you know she is quite assertive and then maybe share something
that you admire or you know why you think that's a good thing oh that could be our call to action
for our listeners today to challenge these stereotypes that lie in these words yeah right
interesting i love that okay let's do the next one it's calling someone emotional or hormonal
you couldn't how bad of these but only about a woman like people are not calling men these words
oh my gosh this is bad this is yeah this is really bad so um the hormonal piece points to the idea
that maybe a woman is on her menstrual cycle right and the hormones are flying very insulting
very insulting right there are such better options you could call someone passionate
enthusiastic or empathetic these also are things that sort of evoke emotions and feelings but
in a positive light there's nothing derogatory about calling someone passionate yeah really
interesting and again things are changing um i think now you know emotional or empathetic is
empathetic it's definitely a skill that i think employers look for yes is an ability as a a sense
in a way that we we have to in the next century we're going to need this to do business well
right and well it's interesting because we talk about emotional intelligence but i feel like
that's very separate from outright calling someone emotional yeah because that implies that you can't
control your emotions you cry a lot right and it's such a different thing to talk about okay
your emotional intelligence versus like she's so emotional yeah guys that's that's a great thing to
write down right right here today that's a great bonus for you there's a big difference between
saying someone's emotional and someone has strong emotional intelligence very different or i also
just think right i would think so also just mood swings getting angry all the time not just crying
a lot but like oh back and forth that's what comes to mind when i hear the word right the booty yeah
don't call someone moody definitely i'm adding it i'm adding it to our notes guys don't say it okay
next one this is good okay what is it what is that the word is ditzy i've never heard a man called
ditzy but women for sure right that's actually a great point i've never heard that for a man ever
it's really interesting right and so this definitely implies um lack of intelligence
yeah and being um not serious right so these are not positive things in the workplace if you're
calling someone ditzy that's not someone you'd want to work with it's someone who's not going
to be a great part of the team they don't have the intelligence they don't have the seriousness yes
for sure and so the adjective for a man might be something like silly right exactly right if you're
making a bunch of dad jokes you're not right i call them ditzy but you might call them silly
that's a good point they could be saying the exact same jokes
right but yeah right things are being highlighted so yeah it's okay to call someone silly if you're
having a fun light-hearted conversation they tell lots of jokes you'd be like you're so silly right
you still want that person on your team they still could be intelligent and serious they're
just silly sometimes right but dizzy is definitely speaking to someone's intelligence so avoid that
guys just avoid that next one is good also never heard it referred to a man so frumpy
yes right frumpy kind of means um that you're you're not dressed very smartly maybe you're
wearing very baggy yeah that doesn't look really professional maybe some grab colors
slumping grumpy yeah clothes that don't fit well as you said colors like brown black things that
don't don't uh what's the word like they don't have a punch the clothing doesn't quite work
right exactly so this is interesting because what we're given as the alternative here
is old-fashioned maybe dowdy i think that's used more in england but here's my hot take
i tell my children i'm like just don't comment on someone's physical appearance ever yeah you don't
like what someone's wearing okay you don't need to say anything like to ever use the word frumpy
means you're commenting on what someone looks like which i just don't think is ever necessary
uh you're teaching good lessons i love it because it's not about what we look like right i mean
the amount of value that you can add to your company is not really about how unless you're
in a sales position then or making presentations or conferences obviously there is a level where
it matters but that's a good point right if you have a salesperson who works under you who you
feel like doesn't dress professionally this might be a conversation you would need to have with them
you might want to call them frumpy you could say you know potentially you're not dressing
professionally right i would love it if you could wear a smart suit right i have adjective the
adjective is smart just meaning like more trendy more right fashionable yeah that's good maybe
we'll come back another day to business clothes in the workplace you know how to dress well for
success i love that topic actually that would be interesting yeah okay okay two more yeah this one
is all about your voice to call someone's voice shrill this adjective means very high pitched and
annoying and right you just wouldn't ever usually call a man's voice shrill this is usually used to
refer to a woman who has a very high pitched voice especially if she's complaining about something
say her voice is shrill yeah no it really isn't kind and so you might say about a man high pitched
or just a grading voice that word i don't know aubry what does that mean grading oh it kind
of means annoying a sound that is annoying like okay your voice is grating it means oh
it's really bothering my ears for some so if it is high pitched and it's hurting your ears this
still would be a better option to call it grating rather than shrill because shrill is first of all
reserved just for women so there's that offense there and it's derogatory whereas
anyone's voice can be grading yes i love it so guys if you hear someone say that call them
out so good do we have one more aubrey yes so this last one is hysterical to call someone hysterical
is used much more for women than for men this is a little more old-fashioned i don't hear it as much
anymore yeah that the much better alternative is irrational if you don't like someone's ideas
in an argument sometimes you'll hear someone call the others and say you're hysterical yeah that'd
be much better to say i feel like you're being irrational right right and i also think just
more to that end men just aren't i don't know if they're questioned as much by their co-workers
right that idea oh maybe that's a good idea you know maybe he knows something we don't know
whereas if a woman's i'm not saying always guys not in every situation you know this happens or
if a woman brings up that same idea she might be called irrational or you're being crazy or off the
wall or ridiculous right so be careful this is a good opportunity to start a conversation and
challenge people yes and okay i'm excited for this because our role play is doing just that
we're going to show you guys how to do this if one co-worker is venting about someone and using
some of this language that's a little derogatory how can you reframe it use different language and
sort of show them what they could say instead and maybe spin it right this will be good i love it
okay so let's get into it then aubry i'm excited we're going to show our listeners how to truly
connect right so everyone can feel accepted at work yes exactly so i'm venting about a colleague
using some derogatory language and lindsay you're going to reframe it ready okay here we go mary has
been really bossy this week well she's definitely assertive i feel like she's also been emotional
during meetings well she is passionate for sure i love that she inspires us to care though
better than being apathetic well she's really ditzy too though always cracking jokes and not
being serious when she should it's true she can be pretty silly i think it keeps things light at work
though i appreciate it i guess you're right when you put it that way she's actually pretty great i
love this role play i called you out but i also did i liked that i didn't i didn't necessarily
stop and say aubry you're being you know you're being sexist right you're being you know gender
biased right and i did yeah i just can't see the conversation going this way right where instead of
feeling like a little embarrassed and shut down that i've maybe accidentally used sexist language
instead i'm realizing i'm learning from you i'm learning this better language and i'm realizing
i'm right wrong about this person that's a good point people can get very defensive and
it can also be toxic if you're just going around pointing fingers right you're
sexist and now that's not the way to keep that conversation going that person's gonna walk away
instead what i did was i just i used different words right and i kept the conversation going and
i pointed out certain things you weren't noticing yes exactly right and i i wouldn't find this
if i really were this person saying negative things about mary yeah i think the way you
handled it was not awkward right you were able to reframe it with this better language
and point out something positive and i i think i would feel a little bit chastised but in such
a good positive way that i think it would end really well we'd still be on very good terms with
no awkwardness yeah for sure and guys if you're in a position of management or if you're a boss it's
your responsibility to set the tone of what is it what is the environment like at work is it toxic
right on your team is it respectful is it fun so you have to be saying these things and reframing
things this way okay yes definitely let's quickly go through the role play i first called her bossy
and then you used that better language to reframe it and say well she definitely is assertive
right yes okay and then you said i feel like she's also been emotional during meetings right and then
i said well she is passionate for sure so i really just changed that word yes and then you brought up
you know something good about being passionate i love that she inspires us to care though a lot
better than being apathetic i love that right instead of just sharing the other vocab you're
actually sharing like maybe she is emotional but here's why i think that can be a good thing
exactly so really reframing and telling you to pay attention to something else right in a sense
and then you said she's really ditzy too or you're really really really digging in gotta use them all
always cracking jokes and not being serious when she should and what did i say yeah and
you reframed it saying yeah she can be pretty silly and then again something positive about
that i think it keeps it light at work though i appreciate it yeah i love it i love it and
then at the end you were convinced yeah i guess she is pretty great right i love that so good
oh this is so good aubrey such a good content episode for our listeners around connection
at work what's the takeaway yeah guys just to be aware that there are a lot of adjectives that have
this derogatory meaning that you want to avoid and instead there are better alternatives and you
should know which ones to use so that you don't break that connection like lindsay said right
unfortunately in society these alternatives aren't always used so practice this reframe it and help
your co-workers to be better and be better exactly at the very least be careful what words you're
using but at the next level or again if you're a manager a boss setting a tone being a leader
you need to call people out you need to set that tone and let people know what's okay and
what's not at work so good exactly good stuff awesome this was a really fun episode all right
good stuff today aubry i will see you very soon on the next episode take care see you later bye