You’ve been crushing on this guy for a long time.
It feels great - to see him, to talk to him, to think about what it would like to be with him.
That feeling is electric and it’s carried you...all the way to this podcast.
Because despite all the time, energy, and daydreaming you’ve invested in this man,
he is not interested in you.
Maybe he doesn’t know you exist. Maybe he sees you as just a friend.
Maybe he’s got a serious girlfriend.
Whatever the situation, you have to get past this guy, right now,
so you can move on with your life. Stick around and I’ll show you how.
I’m Evan Marc Katz, dating coach for smart, strong, successful women and your personal
trainer for love. Welcome to the Love U Podcast. Keep listening to learn how to get over a crush
even when it seems impossible. When we’re done, I’ll let you know how you can apply
to Love U to create a passionate relationship that makes you feel safe, heard, and understood.
Unlike an actual breakup with a man, it’s harder to get over a crush in certain ways
because, for the most part, you’re not having a breakup conversation.
There is no falling action in this script.
You didn’t have a series of fights that illustrated your incompatibility.
You didn’t snipe at each other on text or give each other space to figure things out.
You didn’t even date for the most part.
But, the breakup is one that exists solely in your head.
And the reason to do it is the same as the reason you’d break up with a BF - because
sinking any more time into this relationship is ultimately a waste of time for you.
That’s the thing I really need you to get present to:
That you’re not actually losing a man. You’re losing the fantasy of a man.
There’s a saying in my Love U course, it goes,
“No man is real unless he’s your BF. He’s hope, fantasy, projection and potential.”
Nowhere is that more obvious than when you’re harboring unrequited love for a crush.
You may tell yourself that you have something special
but you know what really determines whether you have something special: HIM.
If HE isn’t your committed boyfriend, that’s because he’s not interested.
If HE hasn’t asked you out, that’s because he’s not interested.
If he doesn’t find you attractive, that’s because he’s not interested.
There’s nothing you can do about this except admit it.
Now you may pick up on signs - he smiles at you,
he even flirts with you. Doesn’t that mean something?
As a former flirt, I have to answer with a resounding NO.
Flirts flirt with everyone. Beautiful women. Not beautiful women. Men.
Children. Dogs. Furniture. It’s a personality trait. It’s not some sort of personal triumph.
Some people are really good at making you feel special and light up a room.
But just because you’re in the room doesn’t mean there’s a spotlight on you.
There’s another Love U saying: men do what they want.
So we can try to use our imaginations, instead of relying on Occam's razor, which says the simplest
explanation is the right one. We can try to come up with an explanation as to why two soulmates,
you two, haven’t uncrossed your stars and gotten together, but it’s already a pretty strained
explanation, isn’t it? Isn’t the simpler version of it that he isn’t that interested?
When men like women, they ask them out. Period. We all got the memo in third grade. The idea
that he’s too shy or he doesn’t want to ruin the friendship or that you’d be perfect if he ever
dumped his bitch of a girlfriend… it’s not gonna happen. Otherwise, it would already be happening.
If this seems like a harsh take, that’s because my
answer to how to get over a crush is the strong hammer of reality.
Crushes are fun (I remember back in the day) but they are also fantasy; as likely to come true as
winning the lottery or being discovered as a pop star at a karaoke bar. But buying lottery tickets
and karaoke have no downside. Keep on buying your lottery tickets and keep on singing karaoke
and hope you are discovered. Having a longtime crush does have a downside.
And that’s perhaps the most important thing. Your crush
creates an opportunity cost. Every time you compare other men with your non-boyfriend, you
lose. Every time you pass up a date because you’re waiting for your white knight, you lose. Every
evening you stay in because your heart is with a man who doesn’t want to be with you, you lose.
Essentially, holding onto a crush is like holding onto a cancer.
It’s slowly killing you and you can’t even see its effects until you’re too late.
So toss your crush back in the sea and deal with reality.
Every second you’re pining for the wrong guy (and he IS the wrong guy) is a second you’re
not looking for the right guy - the one who IS into you and WANTS to be your boyfriend.
Please comment below if you’ve held onto crushes too long
and what you did to get over it. I’ll see you again soon.
“My name is Evan Marc Katz. Thank you for tuning in to the Love U Podcast.
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reviews = more awareness of the Love U podcast = more love in the world. And if you want to have
an easy relationship that makes you feel safe, heard and understood, look for the link below or
go to www.evanmarckatz.com to watch my free video about how to gain confidence, attract quality men
and fix your broken man-picker. When you’re done, you can apply to Love U Live to join
hundreds of other smart, strong, successful women from around the world in a coaching
community where women like you actually get the unconditional love you deserve. See you there.