Hi! My name is Tori, and I am a doctor of physical therapy who specializes in pelvic
dysfunction—which means I treat things that can go wrong around the pelvis, and this includes
sexual dysfunction.
Treating sexual dysfunction lends itself to some really interesting and eye-opening conversations
about not only sex but also sexual health. And it is some of those conversations, as
well as a younger version of myself, that are really motivating me to share this experience.
I have some very specific intentions—four, actually— behind sharing this, but I want
to be perfectly clear that I am NOT intending to talk explicitly about sex for the sake
of talking explicitly about sex. That being said, I recognize that not everyone who is
subscribed to my channel or who watches my videos wants to listen to someone talking
explicitly about sex, so if this video isn’t for you that is so totally okay! I have other
non-sexual pelvic and non-sexual life videos that you can check out, and hopefully I’ll
see you in a different video!
If you are still watching, hi! I am nervous but mostly so excited to be making this video—it’s
content that I wish was more readily available not only to some of the patients that I’ve
treated, but also to a younger version of myself so, young Tori, this is for you.
I was able to orgasm during penetrative sex entirely at the hands of my partner for the
first time in my whole life earlier this week. I’m 27 years old, I’ve been sexually active
for about 11 years, I’ve been masturbating for much longer than that, and I NEVER thought
I would be able to have this experience—and I was also totally okay with never having
this experience. Here’s why.
I can’t orgasm from vaginal penetration alone. I need clitoral stimulation to orgasm,
and I am not alone in that experience at all—in fact, the research is showing us that this
is likely the norm for most humans with vaginas. I have a different video that I made earlier
this year expanding on that research and talking more about the female orgasm in general, I’ll
link it here and in the description below if you want to learn more you can check it
out.
So, more specifically, I need a lot of clitoral pressure in order to orgasm. I’ve only ever
been able to achieve orgasm if I am laying down, on my stomach, firmly pressing my clitoris
onto my pubic bone, and almost strumming it over the bone. Which, obviously, would be
way too intense for some people.
As you can imagine, this has made it difficult for me to orgasm during oral or penetrative
sex—I need a lot of pressure—more pressure than anyone can create with their tongue,
and more pressure than just firm fingers—I need the pressure created by the weight of
my body, which means I need to be on my stomach—which limits positional options during penetrative
intercourse.
In fact, up until I met Keith, my now husband, I had accepted that I wouldn’t be able to
orgasm during sexual experiences unless it was through a mutual masturbation type of
set-up. But! I was wrong. Within a month of open, honest, sexual experimentation with
Keith, we were able to figure out a penetrative position that allowed me to be on my stomach,
create the pressure I need, and have the freedom to move my pelvis the way that I need to to
create that sort of strumming effect that I was talking about earlier. So I was able
to orgasm during penetrative sex, but when I was stimulating myself.
And that was almost 4 years ago now! So coming from the mindset of having had accepted that
I would never be able to orgasm during penetrative sex at all, it was really easy for me to slide
into a new mindset of—“I can orgasm during penetrative sex in this particular position
if I am in control of the movement of my clitoris because what I need to orgasm is so specific.”
Said another way, I had accepted—and was 100% totally okay with—me being the only
person who was going to be able to make myself orgasm.
And Keith and I functioned with me in this mindset for a long time—in what I would
call a very sexually fulfilling relationship. He would ask me to teach him more about the
way that I orgasm, and, in hindsight, I’m not sure why I was so certain that only I
could make myself orgasm, but I didn’t really ever try very hard to teach him because I
was so sure that only I could do it—and I was okay with that—so what was the point?
Recently, like a few weeks ago, he asked me again, and I took the time to place my hand
over his and actually break down this strumming over the pubic bone motion. I was very specific—I
made sure that he could actually feel the head of my clitoris moving under his fingers,
I made sure that he could actually feel how much pressure I need… and I didn’t really
think anything of it. We didn’t try anything new directly after I taught him that, and
then I went home for Thanksgiving and I kind of forgot about it.
And then, when I returned from visiting my family earlier this week, it happened—organically,
we didn’t talk about it beforehand, not that there would be anything wrong with having
a discussion about it before trying—but we got into the position that we’ve been
using for years now for me to orgasm and he went for it, and I knew what he was trying
and decided to fully let him try, as in I deiced to let go of this narrative that I’ve
been telling myself for my entire life—and it worked. At the age of 27, I was able to
orgasm during penetrative sex entirely at the hands of my partner for the first time.
So why make a video about it and share such specific details? Like I said earlier, I have
4 main intentions behind this video.
One. It is so perfectly okay NOT to orgasm during sex. As a person with a vagina, I have
experienced the bizarre attachment some partners have to my orgasm and my orgasm alone being
integral in my and our sexual experience. And, as someone who orgasms in a “nontraditional”
way, if you will, I am here to say that while I love having an orgasm, that’s not the
only thing I enjoy about sex and it’s also not the only reason I have sex. In fact, some
of the most intimate sexual experiences I have had haven’t ended in orgasm for either
party—and shifting the attention from orgasm to bodily and mindful connection is exactly
what’s made those experiences so intimate and wonderful. So, if you have a vagina and
you don’t orgasm during sex, or if your partner has a vagina and they don’t orgasm
during sex—that’s okay. Sex can still be magical, and meaningful, and filled with
pleasure, and not end in orgasm.
Two. There is no right or wrong way to orgasm. The way that you orgasm is not embarrassing—it’s
beautiful. It’s unique. It’s you. And you are deserving of any and all pleasure
that you seek.
Which leads nicely into... Three. Not all people with vaginas orgasm the way we are
depicted to orgasm in Hollywood, porn, magazines, and other forms of popular culture—as demonstrated
by yours truly—so don’t make assumptions and talk to your partner. And finally, four.
I was wrong about myself, and that was a mind-blowing experience for me. I’ve been so sure that
I was the only person capable of creating the specific recipe that I need to orgasm.
And a week or so ago I would’ve stood tall with my ten toes planted firmly on the ground
and told you that if you had asked me. I also wouldn’t have believed you if you encouraged
me to leave some space to be wrong about myself. But I was wrong. And so let this be a gentle
reminder to keep an open mind about yourself and your body and your potential sexual experiences.
*breath* okay—on that note, thank you so, so much for watching. Like I said, sharing
this video makes me nervous, but I’m also excited at the same time. I really do believe
that a younger version of my would’ve benefited from this sort of content, so I hope you enjoyed
it. If you did, please like it, share it, and feel free to comment absolutely anything
below. I try really hard to read and respond to all of my comments, and I’d love to have
some conversations surrounding this topic.
I do want to share that I am still collecting anonymous data about the female orgasm experience.
So, if you have female genitalia and want to anonymously answer a three question survey—two
yes or no questions, one open-ended—that would be amazing and so appreciated. A link
to that survey is in the description below.
Finally, don’t forget to check meowt on instagram and please subscribe to my channel
for more content surrounding not only pelvic things, but also life things.
Thank you again for watching, and listening, and being here. I hope that you have a wonderful
rest of your day, and I’ll see you in the next video. Bye.