Do you want to know how to deal with disappointment as a parent?
I'm Nicholeen Peck and I teach parenting, good communication and family relationship
development all over the world through the lens of self-government and in this
video we're going to be talking about disappointment and how to deal with it.
In this video I'm going to talk about disappointments and a story from my personal life
and then share with you some key things that you can do to deal with disappointment in your
parenting. Being a parent is the hardest thing that you ever do and we invest so much into it. I mean
our whole heart and soul. From the moment those babies come, we stay up with them in the night
when they're sick or when they're hungry or just any other random time that happens to happen and
we are there for everything. We are getting the clothes cleaned and we are making the food, all
the things that they need to be on a successful journey in their young little lives but there are
so many things that can happen on that parenting journey that can be disappointing. Sometimes
we can see that our child has a problem with lying that could disappoint us, we might see our child
be mean to other people, that's disappointing. We don't want our child to be the bully on
the playground and the one that's going to be you know mean to other people and sometimes
our child completely falls away from all the things that we've taught them. We've invested
all that time, all that heart, all that energy our entire lives, the best years of our lives
and then it seems to be completely disregarded. I know that's hard, really really hard.
For years, I did treatment foster care for troubled teens and they would come to my home, they were all
between the ages of 12 and 18 and they would come for therapy to my home. I worked so hard with them,
I put my own biological children sometimes on the back burner while I was dealing with an
out of control teenager. I sacrificed everything, I prayed for them, I sweat, I worked, I did everything
I could to try to help them because truly even though they weren't mine, I cared so much
and the majority of those teens that left my home went on to do greater things. I had given my all
to them and I was so excited for what they turned into but there was one who despite my best efforts
when she left our home just kind of fell off the track. She knew, she knew the right way to do things.
She knew what would be self-destructive behavior because she'd done it before she'd seen her
parents do it and she knew that it wasn't going to lead her in a good direction we talked about it.
We'd planned for what skills she could use instead of using these destructive tendencies
that she'd been raised with yet she got off on her own outside of our home and things fell apart.
It broke my heart to see it happen. I tried to reach out to her, she wouldn't respond.
She didn't respond because she didn't want to talk about it. Probably it hurt and then I remembered
something. I remembered that as I was teaching these youth in my home I told myself I can't
control everything that they do. I can only give them the principles and the skills that they need,
I can love them, I can bond with them, I can hopefully show them something different
and then I can trust. I can trust in something called an honesty point
and that honesty point would serve no matter what. I want to talk about that honesty point
and some other things that you can do at this time that might feel difficult when you're disappointed
by your child but before I do, click that subscribe button now. This channel is dedicated to healing,
healing hearts, healing your homes, healing relationships. Self-government truly is the recipe
that our world needs for freedom in families and everywhere else. Click on the subscribe
button now and don't forget that notification bell too. So what is the tipping point that
I talk about? I recognized early on, this was before I was even done doing foster care that
God gives these moments to people and maybe you don't believe in God, maybe you just say these
moments happen but I believe it's God, that God gives these moments to people in their lives
that are tipping points where they get to see their own lives, that their lives are not happy.
Things are not going well and then they go wait a second, do I know anybody- have I ever known anybody
who's happy, whose life is going well and if the answer is yes, what are they doing I knew that
I could be used for one of God's tipping points. If I did my job well and that I would always be ready
to be a support for any of those foster children that had come to our home. So it happened, years and
years go by and then I get this contact from this foster daughter and she said oh, Nicholeen a lot
of things have happened. I ended up on the streets, I ended up abused, I ended up having all these
horrible things happen and then as I was looking at my life, I found myself asking have I ever known
anybody who was happy and suddenly you came to mind and so I had to call. She had a tipping point
when you're disappointed in your child, when you're discouraged in your child, let's never
forget that there's tipping points. They happen all the time, there's many of them. Not just one. Every
time they get a chance to meet a good person that provides an opportunity for a future tipping point
for them, a catalyst for change, a memory that they have of something different, you could be that
memory. Now maybe you feel like you've burnt some bridges there and you're not sure if you're there,
that memory well then as a mother I would pray for them to meet good people. Now I know
you might be disappointed just because they're still in your home and they're doing things
and you're waiting for a tipping point right now in your home, there are things that you
can do in your home. You can teach them how to communicate with you in a way that's actually
useful, that gives them a chance to be understood. They might feel like they're not understood, they
might be doing things to try to get your attention, that happens all the time. Maybe they feel like
they're only getting negative attention and so that's all they know how to get now. Maybe praising
the good can make a big difference or having deliberate conversations about their goals and
plans for life could make a big difference, that's called having a mentor meeting in the teaching
self-government course lingo. Maybe they just need to learn how to say okay and be okay when you tell
them to do something and not to do something and that that's totally safe and that they can
get their way a lot more because of that. Maybe they won't come around on everything all at once.
I know there's a lot of people who are falling away from the values and morals of their parents,
much to the heartache of their family members but it's never over. So don't ever think that it's
over. You need to continually buoy yourself up, you need to continually give yourself hopeful thoughts,
not depressing thoughts. So if there's a depressing thought that comes into your head time and time
again, something like I've failed then instead you should say to yourself a thought like I've taught
them. I've taught them a lot. I hope they will come to remember it. I've done what I could with
the information that I had. Sure, maybe you weren't perfect but people don't know what they don't know
and if you know more now, start now. Even if they're not in your home, learn self-government
for you. There are so many people that take my TSG parenting course on teachingselfgovernment.com
and when they take this course, they don't even have children. Now most people that take it have
children at home but some people, their children are all grown. Some of them are grandparents and
they finally say to themselves why didn't I know this before? Well it's not too late for
me, I'm going to learn it now and when their adult children see them learn self-control
and self-government, it inspires them. So learn what you need to learn even if it seems like
you should have had the information sooner. Keep a big picture. Don't over emotionally invest in bad
ways, be productive with your emotions. Focus on love, focus on caring, focus on calmness
and if they're still living at your house, teach them the skills they need and focus on consistency
and if you need help with some of those skills then definitely get it.
If you have enjoyed this video, I'm pretty sure you're gonna love the next video I have which
will help you dramatically in not over emotionally investing. This video is called
the expectation trap versus the cycle for success. Click on the link to that video now. It's
a full-length class so prepare. Prepare to watch this full-length class to get everything out of it.
I promise you the information you'll find there will be transformational for your relationship
with your child no matter how old they are. Click on the link now. I'll see you there.