Hi. It was real-
Dorothy. It's Stan. Didn't you recognize me?
Of course I recognized you.
That's why I slammed the door in your face.
Good morning, Dorothy.
Don't start Rose, okay?
I'm sorry. That good morning crap was way out of line.
Oh, no. It's me.
I was up all night thinking of how Ma's been hoarding
all those checks from Phil and Gloria
while I've had to go without.
Well now, Dorothy, you really can't blame Sophia
for your sex life.
That's not what I'm talking about,
but since you brought it up, yes I can.
If I'd had the money, I could have been living
in a swinging condo instead of with...
I'd better not say anything until I've had my coffee...
a slut and a moron.
Shortstop should've had that one.
Nice going. I can come over and
round you in my wheelchair.
How you feeling, Ma?
No improvement.
I'm sorry.
By the way, you're wearing your knee brace on your neck.
I don't understand. What could they be doing all this time?
You know what they're doing.
I also know Stan. We were married for 38 years,
and if you added up all the times
that we did what he is doing right now,
Blanche still should've been home 15 minutes ago.
Where are you going?
To either get ice cream or commit a felony.
I'll decide it in the car.
Last evening at dinner, when Miss McGlynn saw Blanche
give Kendal Nesbitt her key, she was furious.
She dropped a steak knife into her purse.
Big deal. I took a whole place setting.
Not now, Ma.
Blanche, let's go.
Come on, Blanche. Let's go.
Blanche, wake up. My wife will be home any minute.
Where are my shoes?
Blanche, I didn't steal your date.
Ted told me that the two of you
had absolutely nothing in common.
Well, obviously.
He's dull, boring, and has dubious taste, to say the least.
If that is some schoolgirl attempt to get my goat,
you're wasting your breath.
I'm simply questioning how any man
could possibly choose you over me.
It's not working, Blanche.
I suppose there could be some exceptions:
convicts who haven't seen a woman in 25 years.
It's still not working, you bimbo.
How childish to resort to name calling, you Jezebel.
Floosy.
Tramp.
I? I am a tramp?
Blanche, have you heard the latest ad campaigns?
Join the navy, see the world, sleep with Blanche Devereaux.
You bought a car without telling me?
How can I explain it?
When I sat behind the wheel, people noticed me.
People paid attention. That car was a chick magnet.
That is it, Stanley. That's it. Get out.
Get out. Get out of my house. Get out of my life.
Dorothy, what about the order?
We can get into a lot of trouble here.
We could even wind up in jail.
Good, good. I want you to go to jail,
and I want a big, bald convict named
Bubba to pick you for his girlfriend.
Look at the shameless way she's flirting with him.
Disgusting.
You flirted with him.
I'm from the South. Flirting is part of my heritage.
What do you mean?
Her mother was a slut too.
Listen, you punk. You want to fight with someone,
you're going to have to fight with me,
but I warn you: I did time in Attica.
Attica's a men's prison.
I know. I was there a year before they found out.
Sorry, chief. I didn't mean to ruffle your feathers.
Oh, Dorothy. That was magnificent.
How did you ever pull that off?
I work in a public school system.
It's not that different from this.