(snappy pop jingle)
(suspenseful music)
- [Kidnapper] Eight dollars between the three of ya?
What are you, baristas?
- [Siobhan] Please don't kill us.
- [Girls] Please!
- No, no, I'm not gonna kill you.
Because you're worth so much more alive.
The fuck is this?
- [Rekha] Hm?
- You don't have any names in your contact list.
Special Guy from Candle Store?
- Oh, don't call him.
- But you put him in your phone.
- Well, I didn't wanna be rude.
- Fine, whatever.
Ah, here we go.
Mr. Obersect, is that your father?
- Ah no, that's an Uber driver.
- You know, you don't have to put every single number
that you're offered into your phone.
- Well, I just moved here so I wanna make a network and--
- Uh, fuck it!
Okay, lets see what we have here...
- [Ally] Ummm...
Uh...
- [Kidnapper] What's with all the flames?
- I rate each woman one to four flames.
- [Girls] Ew!
- It's based on connection, not just sex.
- [Girls] You're terrible.
- [Ally] No.
- [Girls] You're the new Grant.
- You're the new Grant.
- Don't you ever.
- Okay, calling your dad.
Let's hope he wants to keep you alive.
- That's not my dad.
- [Girl over Phone] Hey, you.
- Come on.
Why even have a phone?
All of your contact lists are fucked up.
I'm going to have a panic attack looking at these.
You.
(whimper)
Who in this phone will pay to keep you alive?
- My, my mom, my mom, my mom will!
- Which one of these is your mom's number?
- Oh god, ah, er...
I'm not, like, 100% sure.
She like changes her sim card a lot.
(Sucks air threw teeth)
Honestly, I just let her call me, mostly.
- You have got to be kidding me.
- Uh, just like send them all an SMS or something.
- A what?
- An SMS.
- [Kidnapper] An S.O.S.?
We're on land.
(phone ringing)
Oh, finally.
(Suspensful music)
- Hello, I believe you are trying to reach Rekha.
Well, if you ever want to see her ag...
Yeah, I'm in downtown Los Angeles.
Yeah, I'd love to contribute to the campaign.
I mean, I have $8 on me now,
but I could probably write you a check.
Great.
Yes, I have a lot of strong opinions.
Thank you.
Yeah, same to you sir.
Thank you.
- Was that a senator?
- It's important to stay informed and voice your opinions.
- Did he when the next Town Hall was, or--
- Yeah, it's next Thursday.
Can you make it?
- I might be dead.
- Good point.
(police sirens)
Shit.
(helicopter noise)
You have five contacts in here called Do Not Answer.
- Yeah, I don't talk to those people.
- Then why are they in your phone?
- I have to keep track of them.
(whimpers)
(screaming)
- Oh my god!
- I will chop off one finger for every second
that I do not have a ransom number.
- What about In Case of Emergencies?
- Yeah.
(phone ringing)
- I'm your emergency contact?
- Yeah, you're my friend.
Why, what am I in your phone?
- New girl from Work.
- I've been here eight months.
- You were the new girl when I met you.
- You're actually New Girl in my phone too.
- Oh my god.
This is the meanest thing anyone's ever done to me.
- [Police Officer] Go, go, go!
(Grunts)
(phone ringing)
- Guy I'm Working With.
- You don't have any real names in here either.
- Okay, actually, it's different because
the people I work with don't give me their real names.
(Upbeat music)
- Hey, what's up, it's Ally from CollegeHumor.
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