Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
‘How can I believe there is a sea creature with the arms of an octopus that walks on land like a man?’
If you’re gonna start asking questions like that it undermines pretty much everything we do here.
'And more, a lot more.'
This is Octaman, a film that does exactly what it says in the title.
‘Sometimes I feel like I’m being watched’
But don’t fooled it has aspirations.
‘Just the other night I saw one of them old flicks on TV about an ape climbing the Empire State building’
'Beauty and the beast.'
That’s aiming pretty high but I admire ambition.
‘I think the possibilities are endless’
The story follows a standard B Movie investigation team of scientists...
‘Air and water are everywhere’
a circus owner who was apparently in the running to host the next series of Top Gear
‘I don’t savvy all this talk about us poisoning the earth’
the one pretty girl.
‘A woman’s place is in the kitchen’
and some Mexican stereotypes.
‘We can bury your amigo in our churchyard senor if you wish’
Right next to where we bury the Maginificent Seven.
They head off into the wilds of what, despite this Cheetah, seems to be south America,
in search of an elusive mutant octopus.
‘It wants to get somewhere’
Back in the water perhaps?
‘It’s dead’
Gee I wonder why?
'Direct from it's natural habitat.'
But they find more than they bargained for...
And this larger mutant is seriously pissed at the team for picking up the little ones.
Frankly Octaman’s weapons are limited, all he can do is whack things with his tentacles.
He’s also scared of torches and is pretty easy to capture.
‘The fire will burn up the oxygen all around him’
You’re out in the open air; there is more oxygen.
‘That’s about the size of it’
The fact that he’s so easy to catch does have an impact on the film’s pacing and things proceed...
‘Slowly, very slowly.’
We get endless scenes of people in near total darkness.
While Octaman glowering from the undergrowth.
‘I do not mean to frighten you’
No danger of that.
But Octaman also fails to follow through on what it sets up; there’s the scientific aspect
‘We must do some studies in it’s natural habitat’
At this point they have him pinned to the ground under a net, which I really doubt is his natural habitat!
Then there’s the link between the little mutants and the big monster.
‘You trying to tell me there’s some kind of communication between that monster & what’s in that can?’
Seems to be, but you never mention it again so I can’t be sure.
‘The way he stares at you. As if he’s got a brain behind his eyes’
And of course the King Kong references; the heroine definitely has a connection with the creature,
and it deliberately kidnaps her,
but why is never clear!
‘We’re right back where we started from’
Bottom line; this isn’t one of those films in which people do things or say things or stuff happens
‘God, it’s worse than I expected’
This is one of those films in the cast and crew blunder around until they’ve got enough footage and then tack on an ending.
Ah, twas beauty killed the beast.
and these guys.
This was FX master Rick Baker's first film, let us know your favourite Rick Baker film in the comments below.
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'Lets get the hell out of here.'