stop trying to be perfect I'm Emma from
English and today I've got a video for
you
in which we're going to talk about
perfectionism perfectionism and why it's
holding you back your confidence and
your fluency in English is going to
improve if you can focus on being less
perfect now of course I've got my
English students in mind but what I'm
sharing here in this video today is
relevant to all different parts of life
this video is full of advanced
vocabulary words that are going to help
you to impress and inspire people if you
can learn to use them don't forget to
turn on the subtitles if you need to and
then strap in and enjoy the ride
on the surface perfection seems like a
good idea right it seems like a positive
characteristic your aim is to be perfect
you're meticulous you pay attention to
the details so that you don't make
mistakes you like to do a good job you
really want to impress right but really
perfectionism is about control it's
about being in control being prepared
and looking good right knowing what to
say
not looking stupid of course you know we
all like to be in control it's where we
feel comfortable it's when we feel safe
right here inside our magical little
comfort zone speaking in another
language with other people in an actual
conversation is probably one of the most
out of control experiences that you can
have you haven't mastered the language
yet you can't be confident that you'll
always know the words to say or that
you'll understand the question correctly
it's impossible right it's impossible to
be perfect in this situation and yet
this is what so many of you expect you
expect yourselves to be perfect and if
you're not then you shame yourself for
it you put yourself down and most often
we fear our imperfection so much that we
avoid taking action at all you know days
or weeks or months go past and we don't
do anything we make excuses just a
little bit too busy right now I've got
too many things on oh I don't have
anyone around me that I can speak
English with so I can't practice that's
why I can't improve you procrastinate
we make excuses that we don't want to do
something until we can do it perfectly
or until it's easy and it comes
naturally so much so that sometimes we
never actually get to the point of
taking action in the first place right
we've talked ourselves out of it before
we've even got a chance to try does that
sound familiar does it or maybe you do
manage to work up the courage to start
something to join a conversation but
then after you pick out all of the
things that you did wrong it wasn't good
enough it is a really tough situation
you know if you do something well it's
not good enough but if you don't do
something
well you can't learn from it and make
progress and improve it next time by not
speaking you compromise your opportunity
to meet new people or to build your
experience in conversations and broaden
your comfort zone so all of this is why
I wanted to create this video if you can
focus less on being perfect except that
you're gonna make mistakes and also that
you're going to learn from them then you
can have more real conversation
experience and become more fluent and
more creative when you're speaking in
English so let me share my four
strategies or four steps to help you
worry less about being perfect if you
know someone who struggles to speak
English they need to get more practice
but they don't have the confidence to
join English conversations then please
make sure you share this video with them
you know we all need to be reminded that
being imperfect is okay that our
failures are an essential part of our
success the failures that you experience
today are going to create the success
that you have tomorrow it's important to
keep that in mind
the first thing I want you to do is
relax your standards so your standards
is just another way of saying your
expectations what you expect of yourself
so I want you to relax your standards
think about what would be an acceptable
outcome rather than the ultimate best
possible outcome
what would allow you to leave a
conversation feeling like you'd achieve
something that it wasn't an awful
experience of all of my English language
students one of the most common goals
that they have and they say it all the
time is I want to speak English
perfectly I want to speak like a native
speaker which of course is the ultimate
goal to converse freely and you know
easily in another language but if you're
an intermediate level speaker that
expectation is too high right now
you can't have a perfect conversation
right now telling yourself or even
thinking that you shouldn't be making
mistakes is really unreasonable and it's
stopping you from having conversations
and the experience that you need to
improve and become more fluent when you
speak so are you holding back are you
waiting until you can speak better until
you can make fewer mistakes are you
waiting until your English is perfect or
at least at the level that you think it
should be before you go to language
exchanges or networking events or you
start having conversations that you
really need to improve your fluency you
can still have success without being
perfect now I know it's a little cliche
but I think it's important to remind
ourselves that no one is successful
without failing first right film stars
have faced hundreds of rejections before
they make it big top athletes train and
train until they master their skill
entrepreneurs on
Forbes 100 lists have failed and failed
until they work out how to build a
successful business so I would argue
that you need to put yourself in
situations where you fail in order to
learn lessons and move past them faster
failing or making mistakes is a part of
your success Hey ladies I'm talking at
you for just a minute I know that it's
really hard to find genuine speaking
partners to practice English with
especially online so I've created the
ladies project to help women learning
English to make international friends
and practice speaking English often no
matter where you are in the world if
you're living in an english-speaking
country but you're not getting the
practice that you need are you expected
if you need to increase your speaking
confidence for your job or because you
want to travel more independently or
just to immerse yourself in a safe and
supportive english-speaking community
then definitely check it out the ladies
project will help you to develop your
speaking confidence and fluency through
real conversation practice you're gonna
make friends in different countries
learn about different cultures and
lifestyles and build your confidence and
your fluency in no time at all and the
best part is the experience is totally
flexible if you haven't got a lot of
time but you want to keep moving forward
with your English practice or you simply
want to maintain the conversation skills
that you have the ladies project is the
perfect place for you to do it
enrollments are opening very soon so if
you want to find out more follow the
link in the description or just up here
and make sure you're on our mailing list
so that you can find out when we're
accepting new members places are limited
but there's one waiting for you okay my
next tip is to focus on mini goals
instead of expecting everything to go
perfectly a hundred percent of the time
focus on just one aspect of your
conversation at first it might be if I
can introduce myself to everyone and
this
mile back at me I've succeeded check
that off the list you nailed it right
next time it might be politely interrupt
someone and ask them to repeat their
question again
if you do that whoa that's that's
awesome that's a really useful
functional thing that you can learn and
practice to do in conversations you
could simply aim to make the other
person smile or laugh at a joke and
allow yourself to feel really pleased
when you achieve just that one thing the
rest of it you can deal with all of the
other mistakes and other things that
happen next time right practice acting
without thinking okay now this one's
pretty tricky because it takes guts how
many times have you been part of a
conversation and you've hesitated just a
little bit too long to share your
thoughts and then suddenly the
conversations moved on and you've missed
your chance so what if you were to start
speaking before you knew where you were
going and you just wind it I'm sure that
lots of you have been in online classes
or conversations and listening really
intently thinking about the topic but
never saying anything unless someone
directs a question to you in which case
you probably freeze and I know what
you're thinking
Ella are you crazy speaking before I
know what I'm gonna say is like
conversation suicide what are you
telling me to do to that I would say
just make sure you've got a couple of
expressions ready to help you for when
you get stuck and I'm saying when you
get stuck because you will and that's
fine sorry I've lost my train of thought
or I've completely forgotten what I was
gonna say sorry scary I know but what's
the worst thing that could happen I was
talking to one of my students the other
day Miko Miko you're probably watching
hello
but she told me that she had a
parent-teacher night at her son school
and when she got there she realized that
everyone else was a native English
speaker all the other parents the
teachers and at that moment she wanted
to leave back out the door but she
forced her feet to take her into the
room before she could think about all of
the things that could go wrong
she was already inside she acted before
her mind convinced her not to and you
know what she said she said it really
wasn't as bad as I was expecting often
in our head we prepare for the worst
possible outcome so naturally our body
wants to protect us and we end up
avoiding the situation we put it off
but by acting before we think this is a
little trick that we can use to overcome
fear and actually take action before our
minds have had a chance to convince us
that it's a bad idea this is a little
trick I want you to try it out take your
fear into the everyday this is so
important expose yourself to your fears
as often as you can and they're going to
become as dull and mundane as hanging
the washing on the line now it's
definitely gonna take you a few intense
sweaty conversations to get you to the
point where a conversation is as simple
and easy as riding the bus but exposing
yourself to impromptu discussions will
be a very important part of your
practice and it will help you to reduce
your fear around speaking so I hope that
my main message is clear here be brave
enough to take action even when you're
worried or you're afraid even the
tiniest little action will make it that
tiniest littlest bit easier next time
when you try again you are not perfect
and the world is totally cool with that
it's only you who tells yourself that
you need to be perfect in conversation
and it's only you who is stopping
yourself from making that progress so
that's what I think but what do you
think are you a perfectionist do you
think that your expectations for
yourself are a little too high are you
going to take any of this advice and use
it in some way I really really hope so
because I love seeing the unexpected
success of my students when you know
they think before they act and they
realize that actually it wasn't as bad
as they anticipated and they were able
to learn from real experience and also
because I hate seeing my students miss
out on opportunities to experience
conversations and speak with others
because they demand perfection or they
tell themselves that they're not good
enough and they're not ready you are
ready and with the right attitude you
can start today for more lessons like
this one make sure you hit that
subscribe button down there you don't
need to keep watching grammar lessons
today you need to find a way to practice
so if you're living in an
english-speaking country then check out
this lesson here for some tips on how to
get started and if you are not then head
to this one right here and I'll see you
in there