I had a fully loaded pistol in my mouth
ready to pull the trigger and you may
we'll ask why is a Olympic champion
Stanley Cup champion seven-time all-star
got a gun in his mouth ready to pull the
trigger well my experience as a very
young child was one of constantly living
in fear my dad was an alcoholic my mom
was a prescription pill addict and my
complete and entire existence in life
was complete and utter chaos when I was
six years old I moved to a community in
Russell Manitoba and thing that I love
to do the most was I love to play hockey
and then when I was 14 years old over
two and a half year period of my life I
was raped a hundred and fifty times by
my coach and so I never slept for 27
years
never slumped because I was molested in
a darkroom where I couldn't see anything
and so every time I shut my eyes at
night I was in that dark room waiting
for this man to force himself upon me
what I was left to deal with was the
aftermath of all of these traumatic
experiences so I became addicted to
drugs and alcohol and sex and gambling
and food and workaholism to overcome the
pain and suffering but I faced
consequence because of my drug addiction
and my alcoholism they kicked my ass out
of NHL and so the reason why I had this
gun in my mouth was I was completely and
utterly exhausted from living in
emotional pain and suffering for most of
my life and so shortly after the gun
incident and obviously I didn't pull the
trigger I started on a path of healing
and recovery I've strung over 3,000 500
500 and some days of sobriety I'm
healing and putting one foot in front of
the other I'm not depressed I'm not
anxious I don't have panic attacks
anymore why in 2009 I wrote this book
called playing with fire with no
expectations other than the fact that I
just want to put a bunch of stuff on
paper take one last look at it put his
rightful place in the past so I go to
Toronto for the first book signing and I
show up at the biggest bookstore in
Canada and 400 people show up to well I
started signing books by the corner of
my eye see this guy in line he's got my
book like this clutch two's chest his
face is buried in the floor and he's
walking really slow gets to the frontal
line sets the book on the table looks me
in the eye and says me too me too
now I know why I wrote this book because
I go to the next city and ten quickly
became a hundred hundred became a
thousand a thousand became ten thousand
ten thousand became a hundred thousand
hundred thousand became a quarter of a
million quarter of a million became five
hundred thousand over five hundred
thousand people either directly or
indirectly have said those two words to
me me too me too
and so for six years I've traveled back
and forth and back and forth and back
and forth and back and forth and
everywhere else in between talking about
trauma trauma is the string which binds
us all together there's a whole bunch of
people out there that are hurting that
need a safe place to tell their story
and that's what this is about is about
sharing your story without shame without
fear and be okay and be safe my reality
is the same reality that one in three
girls and one in five boys have
experienced in their lifetime look in
the room how many people are in the room
one in three in 2009 I was [ __ ] in
my pants going what have I just done and
you know what y'all did for me you know
what he said you didn't shame me you
know you said man you have courage man
you have strength and guess what that's
all I needed to hear so we have an
opportunity we need people that talk
about compassion talk about love talk
about connection and are willing to have
the tough tough tough conversations you
want to be a part of it