-Now I thought I'd share some of my favorite
#MyWeirdRoommate stories from you guys.
This first one is from @hoseway.
-Oh. [ Laughter ]
-No, H-O-S-E. -Oh.
-Like a garden hose. -Oh.
-He says, "My roommate would lay on the couch
"watching TV shirtless.
"He would have ranch dressing on one side of his chest,
"cheese dip on the other, and a mountain of chips
resting on his stomach."
[ Audience groans ]
-That's the hose way.
-That's the hose way right there, man.
-Yeah, man.
-This one's from @karamisu.
She says, "In college, my roommate came to me
"in a panic and told me her snake got out.
I had no idea she had a snake."
-Oh! -"What do you mean?
There's a snake?"
-At 818.
-This one's from @Jacobchiller.
-Ooh! Scary!
-Uh, @Jacobchiller. He says,
"My roommate would come home drunk holding his shoes
"by the laces, swing them around like nunchucks,
"and attack me while I was trying to sleep,
yelling, 'I'm Michelangelo!'"
[ Laughter ] [ Slurs ] "I'm Michelangelo!"
[ Applause ]
Dude.
-[ Laughs ]
-This next one is from @audrey87024230.
She says, "If the vending machine didn't have
"cheddar sour cream chips, my roommate would lie on her bed
"in sadness and say,
'When the vending machine is empty, I am empty.'"
[ Laughter and applause ]
-I'm with the roommate. -Cheddar sour cream chips.
-I'm with the roommate.
-This one's from @LakeShowFanatic.
He says, "I had a roommate that would pour
"toilet bowl cleaner on his dirty dishes,
"then leave them in the sink.
"He said, 'If it's good enough to clean toilets,
it's good enough to clean plates.'"
-Oh! [ Audience groans ]
-[ Imitates spitting ] -What was on the plate?
Oh, he's doing chaw too. -Yeah.
"Hey, if it's good enough for..."
-[ Imitating spitting ] Ding!
-"Good enough to clean them plates."
-[ Laughs ]
-This one's from @jasonaland.
He says, "My college roommate bought size 22 sneakers,
"put them in the middle of our living room,
"just so when people came over and saw them he could say,
'Oh, my girlfriend's in the shower.'"
[ Laughter and scattered applause ]
-[ Laughs ] God, what's -- Where's the win?
-I don't know, man. -Yeah. So people --
What did he expect the reaction would be?
"Oh, okay." [ Laughter ]
-I guess you'd be like, "Wow. She's really tall."
-"Yeah, oh, she's tall." [ Laughter ]
-That was a good bit. I kind of like it, man.
[ Laughter ]
I give you props. I think it's -- I think it's funny.
-Yeah, you're going to do that one?
-I think that's a funny bit, man.
This last one here is from @diane-kinkade.
She says, "My college roommate tried to kill a spider
"that was on the window pane with a hammer.
She missed the spider." [ Laughter ]
It's like -- -[ Imitating shatter ]
-There you have it. Those are "Tonight Show" Hashtags.
To check out more of our favorites,
go to tonightshow.com/hashtags.