how can you connect without interrupting getting distracted or angry avoid giving
advice fixing things and immediately reacting to words just listen sometimes
it's easier said than done in this video you will get 5 strategies on how to
become a better listener some are obvious some are practical and all have
proven to be effective yet rarely does anyone put in the consistent effort to
follow through on these five watch what happens when you do hey it's Riaz Meghji,
founder of the every conversation counts platform and 17-year television
broadcaster for weekly ideas on how you can connect deeper ask better questions
and become a captivating storyteller on every stage subscribe to this channel
and hit the bell so you get notified on the tips and tools that are released
weekly to help you make every conversation count now if there was one
course that I wish was taught in school it would be this how to become a better
listener listening is a skill that gets overlooked and misinterpretation can
lead to misunderstanding and more importantly missed opportunities when it
comes to creating extraordinary connections and relationships so what do
we do about it well after years of working as a television broadcaster
where my job was to ask questions and actively listen to people for a living
here are 5 proven techniques to help you become a better listener number one
combat your distractions guess what you are smarter than you think
various studies on speech rate have proven your brain can think faster than
the average person can speak the average person speaks at about 125 words per
minute yet we have the mental capacity to absorb 400 words per minute that
means we only use 25% of mental capacity for understanding when someone's
speaking and if we don't pay attention we could end up with the other 75%
focusing on distractions maybe smartphones screens daydreaming in
fact in the book the plateau effect the authors share research that the simple
possibility that someone's phone may ring decreases a person's learning
skills by up to 20 percent so keep that in mind the next time you leave your
phone on the table during a meet-up the other challenge the internal
distractions like judgment or even thinking about your next question or
snappy comeback we've all been there but our listening efficiency drops off
significantly once we start focusing on what we can say next if we stop waiting
for our turn to talk and start actively supporting by giving others our full
attention real connection and understanding starts to happen number
two / prepare to improvise / prepare by knowing their interests read their blog
their social media posts maybe some unique experiences they've been on and
yeah compose your questions but understand the best way to engage
someone as a listener is to create the space for unexpected truths to be
revealed how you do that lead with their priorities and one of my favorite
questions what's on your mind because once they share their priorities
you'll be able to ask them questions that you can't Google and going into any
conversation / preparing that will give you confidence but stepping into their
uncertainty by listening and improvising that gives you connection number 3
listen with your eyes people want to be seen heard and appreciated and there is
huge value in paying close attention to their nonverbal cues their facial
expressions are they fidgeting or gesturing maybe they're sweating how's
their posture estimates state 80% of what we communicate comes through these
social cues so read those signs to really connect the meaning to the
messages they are sharing and if we look at the virtual world today this is the
driving factor of emotional fatigue we are all experiencing with virtual meet
ups because it is that much harder to pick up on these social cues through a
screen number 4 ask don't tell an active listener asks the questions that help
someone discover the meaning behind their own personal experiences so when
somebody is opening up what if we didn't try to fix their problem interrupt their
thought or start giving advice but instead led by
listening if you feel the need to challenge their ideas what if you
listened first and let them complete their thought and challenge second so
you create a more collaborative dialogue versus a full-out confrontation there
are so many questions to ask to how people know that you're listening if
you're looking at their performance before giving any advice or feedback
allow them to validate their own experience by sharing their thoughts you
could ask them how do you feel that went get their thoughts and then dig deeper
if you want to move them from conflict to considerations to questions what's
something you feel would never happen then ask what could you do to make it
happen two very different trains of thought right there another goal is to
evoke empathy and encourage others to see things through a different lens you
could ask well how do you think the others would feel about this decision
and if you want to help them discover the takeaways from their own experience
you could ask what would you do differently if you could do it all over
again above all you want to be honest and if
you're listening and you feel like the connection is missing you could call
yourself out and ask what question did I fail to ask here to understand your
reality so many questions we can ask to lean in to show people that we are
listening and ask them what they think feel do or maybe would do differently
number 5 document their details research at the University of Missouri confirms
that generally speaking we are all inefficient listeners according to their
findings and I quote right after listening to a 10-minute oral
presentation the average listener has heard understood and retained 50 percent
of what was said within 48 hours that drops off to a final retention level of
25% so keep a beginner's mind set that everyone you meet has something to teach
you but you can light them up by asking this do you mind if I take notes this
will help you retain the information and it's the biggest compliment you can give
someone because they feel one you're listening and to that their words are
meaningful and use pen and paper when you write those down because you
look distracted going through your phone but once you build up your concentration
and focus you could take those notes after the conversation as soon as you're
done take a moment and document the top three most powerful things someone
shares with you and if you are able to specifically reference their personal
experiences that they shared when you reach out weeks months or even years
later you will blow them away by showcasing how you listen to them and
how you were impacted by their words let me know in the comments section what has
helped you become a better listener in your conversations would love to see as
many tips as possible shared to help this community learn for your free guide
on how to make every conversation count be sure to check out the link you can
find it in the description section below thanks for watching this video for more
ideas on how you can connect and have better conversations and even connected
during your virtual meetups be sure to check out these videos if you like this
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