Hello I'm long distance you can't reach me hey everyone welcome back to my YouTube channel it's
Lucie Fink here and today I'm giving my tips for how to survive a long-distance relationship you
may have seen another video of mine where Michael and I talked about our long-distance story and how
we got through five years in a long-distance relationship throughout college if you haven't
seen that video yet I'll link it for you right up here today's video is going to be a little bit
different Michael's not with me today sadly but we did discuss these tips with one another ahead
of time so what I'm about to share with you is sort of our joint tips thank you so much to Ship
for sponsoring today's video stay tuned a little bit later in the video I'll tell you about why
I love Ship and why they're such a cool dating app but for now let's get into the tips I just
want to start this video out by saying that I feel you for anyone out there who's in a long-distance
relationship and for someone who's going the extra mile to type into youtube how to survive a long
distance relationship or searching for tips I really do feel you and I want to let you know
that there are so many people out there who have done long distance who are now on the other side
of the hurdle and who can really tell you that you can get through it it's not impossible people will
tell you it's impossible people will make you feel crazy for putting yourself through this
but when you know you know and if you're watching this you know okay quick recap in case you missed
my other video Michael and I went to different colleges so I went to Johns Hopkins University in
Baltimore he went to Middlebury college in Vermont we went to the same high school in New York so
we're both from the same area and from New York going to Vermont is going north and going to
Baltimore is going south so we basically were together and then just whoop split up he was a
grade older than me so he went a year before I went and then we were both there together
so all in all we did five years of long distance in college before we both moved to New York City
and ultimately got to be together I'm just about to rattle off some of my tips and things that you
can do to kind of keep that spark alive in the relationship and to get through it and get to the
other side so tip number one is to schedule dates together I'm talking virtual dinners movie nights
anything where you guys can get on a video chat together and actually do an activity
something that would be really fun is cooking the same meal at the same time so maybe setting
up your computer on a zoom or a Skype call I don't know what's cool these days back in the day it was
Skype now I'm pretty sure it's zoom or even just FaceTime get on a video chat platform and then
just cook the same meal when you're ready for dinner set up your table even pour yourself a
glass of wine light a candle and put the camera or computer on the opposite end of the table
and you're basically on a virtual date and you can do the exact same thing with a movie
or a tv show you can start it at the exact same time and watch it together while you're also on
video chat then you can sort of have those conversations that you would normally have
with that person if you were together and you were having dinner or watching a show together
you could have that same commentary but it will definitely make you feel closer to know that
you're together even if it's through a screen something else that you can try I personally
have never done this but I think this would be awesome is to actually do that exact same thing
out of the house so go to a restaurant with your headphones on and have a virtual date while you're
eating dinner alone at a restaurant at least in New York City plenty of people go out for dinner
and they're sitting there by themselves often they have headphones in and they're listening to
a podcast or listening to some music so it would be really similar to just have your headphones
on and be on a phone call or a video chat while you're sitting and eating my next idea is to have
a virtual sleepover Michael and I used to do this one all the time and it's really funny to tell
people about it because it sounds kind of silly but it really did make us feel closer together
when we were far apart so basically what we would do is we would log into a video chat platform
we would set our computers on the back end in the settings to never sleep so that the screen never
went to the screen saver then we would plug it in so it didn't die and we would set our computers up
facing one another while he was in bed and while I was in bed we would have a little chat we would
you know say goodnight and then we'd go to sleep and when we woke up our computers were still on
they had not closed down out of the application so we basically were together all night face to
face often we would set the computer up not on the bed but like on the desk across from the bed and
that way the person could totally see you whoever woke up first got an incredible view of the other
person still asleep and every so often we would wake up at the same time and it was so nice to
just wake up and see the other person and just say good morning as if you were in the same room
together my third tip is to give each other space I know that being apart you're probably thinking
well they have enough space because I'm not there and all I want is to be in their space and I get
it but especially if you're doing long distance throughout school or because of a job that person
really needs to be present where they are and odds are you need to be present wherever you are too
so it's a really good idea to make sure that even though you stay connected you let that
other person be where they are experience all the activities that that place has to offer and that
they're really present and feeling like they're getting an individual personalized experience
one thing I personally love about having been in a long distance relationship is that I felt
like I got the opportunity to grow on my own and to become my own person alongside Michael and we
weren't glued to each other's side the entire time I got to go to college I got to experience
all that Johns Hopkins had to offer I was in an acapella group a sorority I worked for admissions
I had all my classwork I was doing my own thing and Michael was doing his own thing at Middlebury
and we really got to grow up and be our own people while we still knew that the other person
was there for us idea number four is to surprise them by sending them something cute in the mail
Michael used to do this one for me all the time everything from flowers to m m's with our faces
on them one time I got a ginormous gummy bear the size of my face it was always something different
it always made me laugh and it always was just a little delightful surprise that reminded me that
there was someone in the world thinking of me in another place depending on where your partner is
if they have friends nearby that you are connected to also you can often plan surprises with their
friends so Michael was constantly in touch with my friends he was very lucky because he had my
twin sister Ali who was a good friend of his too and she was at school with me but you can reach
out to your partner's friends and try to plan things for your friend that they just have no
idea about oftentimes being in a long distance relationship that spark can seem to be fizzling
out because you're not physically together so when you can do these little emotional things just to
remind your partner that you're there and you're thinking of them it really makes a huge difference
tip five is try to connect with your partner vocally on the phone at least one time a day and
I don't mean for an hour or even for 30 minutes you can just connect for five minutes to say hi
just to let them hear your voice there were definitely a few days in college when Michael
and I were not able to get on the phone and that's okay I'm pretty sure on those days we just texted
and we explained to the other person why we were too busy to talk but even if you just connect for
two minutes like just to say goodnight on the phone and then you hang up it's a great way to
keep that communication alive which leads me into my next tip communicating anyone who has been in
a long-distance relationship will tell you that the number one thing that will get you through
is good communication and these people are not lying the only way to get through a long-distance
relationship is to be vocal about how you're doing how you're feeling what you need more of
what you need less of when you're with a partner in person it's really easy to get that stuff out
just because your body says some stuff and your face says some stuff and oftentimes your partner
knows what you're thinking without you saying much but when you are physically separated from your
partner you have to vocally tell them exactly how you're feeling and exactly what you want
in order for them to know and this doesn't need to be a formalized you know check-in call once a
month to say what do you need what do you not need although if you want to go that route that's fine
this just means that every time you talk you are not holding things in or hiding things Michael and
I had plenty of conversations in college regarding things that he needed more of or things I needed
more of in the long distance setting Michael for example is one of those people who needs words
of affirmation that's more of his love language than it is mine but I learned in college that it's
absolutely what Michael needs and in fact when I don't tell him enough how I'm feeling about him
or about our relationship he starts to feel like I'm not feeling positively and even when that's
just not the case at all I have to reinforce it so sharing these things and making sure
that you're telling your partner exactly what you need to thrive in the relationship is only going
to help my next tip is to make plans for future activities together obviously every long-distance
relationship is going to be different and maybe you might not be seeing your partner for five
years and I truly hope that's not the case but no matter what the situation is try to make plans for
when you can see your partner next and always have that little date in the future that you're looking
forward to I basically lived through my college experience in countdown mode every semester I saw
Michael at least once sometimes twice and I was always counting down until the next time I saw him
that helped get me through my days it helped keep me excited for something in the future and even if
you can't be excited for these short-term future activities maybe you can start thinking about
long-term future plans where are you going to be in five years from now what kind of life do you
hope to be living together plan these things with your partner and actually have activities in mind
that are going to be coming soon in the future one thing we love doing was planning double
date activities for when Michael came to visit me or when I came to visit him we would go out
with friends of his that were in relationships or even friends of his that were looking for
relationships and now I quickly want to interject to tell you about Ship and I have this cool hat
to put on for the experience actually I like hats backwards we're going backwards oh yeah
so likely if you're watching this video you're in a relationship which means you're not currently on
dating apps you're looking at a girl who's never been on a dating app in her entire life because
I've been in a relationship since I was 16. so I don't know about you but I often have felt a
little bit left out when my single friends are on dating apps and they're swiping I've even grabbed
their phones from them to try to swipe for them because it is fun to play matchmaker and I do
want to be involved in my friends relationships and my friends lives but as someone who's been
in a long-term relationship sometimes that can be difficult so this is where Ship comes in and Ship
is easily the most fun dating app in the world for people in relationships instead of just sitting at
home on your couch and swiping through the app alone feeling defeated and stressed out you can
actually recruit your friends your co-workers your family members to swipe for you and for
people like me who are taken and are not on dating apps for themselves you can get on Ship
and swipe for your friends so now that the world is kind of going back to normal and my
friends are starting to date again I am on Ship swiping for them all the time and my twin sister
is actually newly single as well so I can swipe for her too on your activity feed you can see
who's shipping who and who matched with someone and basically I can sit there for hours I can
swipe left on people who are no goes I can swipe right on people who are maybes or definite yeses
and then I'll get a pop-up if one of my friends matched with someone Ship also just launched a
new feature called shift party which lets you sit on video call with your friends and swipe
live with them perfect for quarantine and the kind of weird times we're in where we're all sitting at
home and we want to feel like we're hanging out with our friends in real life so whether you're
single or you're taken click the link in my description box and get on Ship start swiping
for your friends start letting your friends swipe for you and date someone that your friends already
like and approve of all right my next tip wait I really like this hat I don't want to ruin it
next tip is to try to know where you're going to be when the distance is up I know this one
is difficult because everyone's situation is different and some people go into long distance
relationships indefinitely without knowing when it ends and I'm not saying that's impossible but
personally I found one of the main reasons I was able to make it through was knowing when
the light at the end of the tunnel was coming I went into college knowing that I was going to be
in Baltimore for four years and when college was up I was going to New York it wasn't up in the
air where I was going I didn't say I'll look into what job opportunities come I said I'm going to
New York and I'm only seeking jobs in New York and Michael said the same for himself so we both knew
that in 2014 we were going to be in New York side by side and we didn't live together immediately we
actually waited two more years before we moved in together but we were in the same city right away
so ideally you have that light at the end of the tunnel and you kind of know that something good
is coming even if it is five six years down the line if you don't have that I'm not saying it's
impossible but it might make things a little bit trickier and a little bit less certain
next tip is to snap some sexy pics not telling you to send nudes but I'm not telling you
not to be careful obviously make sure that your internet browser and phone are secure yada yada
got to go through all the things but being in a long distance relationship if you're with a
trusted partner who I'm assuming the partner is trusted do not enter a long-distance relationship
with someone that you don't trust but if you trust this person you want to keep it saucy you want to
keep it alive you want to keep the relationship fresh dynamic and inter asante if you know what
I'm saying so if you do want to send anything make sure to text them first make sure they're by their
phone make sure their phone isn't just sitting on a table with a group of friends sitting nearby
and then send them something to excite them even if it's not a picture maybe it's just a strongly
worded text if you know what I'm saying but send something that makes them really know how badly
you want to be with them in person and yeah I hope you're catching my drift on to the next tip
read the same book at the same time now this one might seem silly but when I'm reading a book I get
really into it I get invested in the characters it gives me a lot to think about and a lot to
talk about so if you and your partner essentially establish a virtual book club with one another
you can be in each other's heads you can have the same activity at night before you go to bed and
it will just give you an extra layer of something intelligent to talk about and discuss another tip
is to exchange scents with your partner if you have a specific cologne or perfume that you like
to wear or even if your clothing just smells like your natural body smell and your partner really
likes that smell swap it give them a t-shirt give them a bra give them something that they can keep
in their drawer that they can constantly pull out and smell and be reminded of you I am such
a smelling wait I was gonna say I'm such a smelly person I meant to say I'm such a type of person
who smells bring me places one inhalation of something and I'm like in a past memory of where
I was when I last smelled that and Michael he did have a specific scent that he used to wear in high
school but also his natural body smell smells so good to me I know I've said this in a video before
he showers like two times a day but despite the showers he always smells good I've never smelled
body odor on him and I cannot say the same for me but Michael smells so good and all of his
clothes smell like him and I remember when I was in college I think I had a large t-shirt of his
maybe a baseball jersey from the past and I just kept them in my drawer and whenever I
smelled them I really smelled Michael I felt like he was with me and it brought back memories and it
made me feel my love for him all over again so sensory smelling items next tip is to actually
stop texting your partner altogether and start sending voice messages this is something I've
just started doing in my everyday life to friends and family partially because I'm lazy and texting
takes way longer than just saying what you got to say but I actually think in a long distance
relationship to have these little voice memos going back and forth over text every day instead
of actually sending text with emojis it's a little bit more personalized and it helps you hear your
partner's voice way more often part of the reason why getting on a call with your partner is really
nice is because hearing their voice brings you back brings back positive memories makes you
realize how much you miss them and how excited you are to be with them and when you have these
little voice memos that are just being sent back and forth all day it really does bring you back
to that place of being together and just brings you joy and here's my last tip it's just a bonus
idea if you want to do something fun and creative the next time you're with your partner have them
write down little love messages on tiny pieces of paper fold all the pieces of paper up and
throw them into a jar and then every day or every week for the next span of time when you're away
pull one note out of the jar every so often and read it to yourself they can be little jokes they
can be cute mushy quotes it can just be a little message about how they feel about you whatever it
is I can tell you it will put a smile on your face it will make you feel loved it might even
make you laugh and overall it's just going to be a positive fun little creative game that you've
created together what I really want to say to all of you out there is you can do it tell them got it
say it again it's going to happen you have got this you can do it despite what everyone says we
had every single person around us telling us that we wouldn't be able to do it and that it was too
difficult and we might want to just see what else is out there and we said no no way no way there's
no one else out there there's no one else he's the only one for me if you know it's right and it
feels right in your gut stick to your gut listen to your heart listen to your soul don't listen to
what other people say because it's really really hard to explain your feelings to other people and
it's really hard at a young age to tell the people in your life that you know who you're going to
marry everyone thinks you sound crazy but how old were you when you knew you were going to marry me
seven really how old were you um how old was I I don't know
17 yeah I was 16. I'm pretty sure I said to him at 16 that I was going to marry him and I
really tiptoed around my family in saying that because I knew how ridiculous it sounded but I
knew I just did and it happened so you got this one day you'll be sitting together
just like this on the couch and you'll say we did it too and if someone says how'd you do it
you'll say I have this great video on YouTube by Lucie Fink and her husband Michael and you
should click it it's right here I hope you like this video I hope it was helpful for people out
there who are in long distance relationships I seriously feel for you I know what you're going
through and I know you can make it if you have any questions comment below if you're also in a
long distance relationship and you have any more amazing tips for what's getting you through please
drop them down below in the comments after I made my first LDR video I've received so many messages
from people out there who are saying that they felt seen and that it was really really helpful
for them in their relationship so I'm hoping this video does the exact same thing for you as always
let me know down below what other types of videos you want to see on the relationship front please
let me know what would be useful for you and what you're interested in learning more about
and I'm sending you so much love from my New York City apartment see you next time
bye