So you're wondering now how to limit your child's video game time now that
they have video games? Let's get into that today. Vicki, maybe we start today
with an acknowledgement that you don't have to have video games in your home.
-No, you don't have to. -There are some reasons you might choose to. Now, your
kids are going to have some opinions about that because they're typically
fans. And all their friends have them and stuff too.
You are the parent. Shall I repeat that? -That's news,
right? -You are the parent. And because you're the parent, you get to make the
rules. And it's not because you're smarter than they are more righteous
than they are. It's not about that. It's about you're the parent. And because of
that, you're in charge of things. So, you get to decide if this is even going to
be an issue. It is a totally legitimate choice to say, "You know what? We're not
going to have video game systems in our home." That's fine. However, it's such a
prominent part of our culture now that probably your kids are going to
encounter it at some point. And eventually, they'll bring it into their
own life whether you want them to or not. So, let's see if we can use this as
something that could be a tool for us as a parent. The key here is control. -Control.
Now, that is a tricky word. -It is. Because have you noticed some things you
control, other things you don't. When it comes to video games, we have to be ready
to control what we can control. Now, what I'm talking about here is basically
access to the game system for example. Or access to even electricity to run the
game system. Where is that game system housed? There are so many video games
that can be accessed over a phone or a small handheld device. It's getting a
little harder as parents to control all of the access points. So, maybe that's the
place where we start is you figure out what it is that you
control so that we can focus on those areas. -And I think it's important to get
kind of clear about what your rules might be about when they have access. Not
only so you're going to get clear about the control of the access of what part you
control and then maybe the timing. -Which just reminded me of something important,
Vicki. Let's keep this positive. -Right. -You want to get to yes. This is a basic
parenting strategy but let's use it with the video games. You want to get to yes.
So, your kids are asking, "Can I play these video games?" Yes. When or if.. And that's
why it's important to get clear about what the parameters are around that. Are
the video games available before the homework or the schoolwork is done?
-Uh-huh. And you get to choose that. We're not telling you what's right or wrong.
That's your choice. -Right. -Just realize that that's something you're going to
want to address. -A little bit of a hint: This goes back to Grandma's rule, if we
call it that. "Work first. Play after." And that's a good general rule. Because the
kids aren't going to be motivated to do their work after. And they'll promise, "Oh,
I'll do it. I promise. if you'll just let me play this game. I will do my job after
that." And they'll promise you till the cows come home.
The truth of the matter is they're going to work harder before they play than
they will after they play. If you set it up as a contingency. So, you get to yes.
Stay positive. I don't want you as a parent getting into this trap of, "No, you
can't do that or being this mean restrictive parent." In fact, just connect
with this for a minute. You... You are a benevolent, generous,
loving parent. You
are. -And the provider of good things. Which is probably why they have a game
system in the first place. -Connect with that for a minute.
Your kids already have more than they probably deserve. Which proves my point.
You are a benevolent, generous, loving parent. Embrace that, live it and own it.
And then from there, let's get to yes. So, when they want to use a videogame, yes.
When or if. Those are the contingency words. -And I was just going to add something
if you're a child watching this I'm wondering. "What are you telling my
parents about it?" A really great question a way to phrase a question if you're a
child who wants to play the game is you say, "Mom, what would it take for me to be
able to have time on the game system?" And so then that sets you up you realized that
there are often contingencies. There's things that have to happen. -Yeah. -And so...
And it's a great way to get to yes. What will it take for me to be able
to get there? -One of our kids figured this out. And as he used that phrase, it
changed how we responded as a parent. -Quite easy to figure out what has to
happen for them to get to where they want to be because then you get a
win-win situation pretty quickly. -It's not a yes/no question. -No. -What would
it take mom for me to be able to play that game for an hour? Oh, she is going to
love that. -And mom or dad, you want frame it in a
positive way. So, I would encourage you to stay away from things like, "If you don't
get your homework done, you can't play that game." Do you see how negative that is? We can
say exactly the same thing by saying, "When your homework is done, you may have
however much time you've decided on the game." And you have to be ready to enforce
it. Do not expect your kids to enforce your rules. -Yeah. -That's not going to happen.
-So, yeah. You know, I wanted to back up even one step. Be aware... One thing
now you don't always have to do this. And it might be late in the game. But one
thing we decided early when we did get a game system was we were not giving it to
any of the kids as a gift. It was ours. It was the family game system. That let us
keep the control. It's really hard to give it to a child as a gift and then
tell them when they can or cannot use their gift. Now, I'm not saying you can't
because there's still things you can control
perhaps. They only have access to the Internet then they need for that. At
certain times or the TV to which they would hook it up. But just... I
thought that that's another way to kind of keep a little bit of the limits. -Yes.
And let's talk about the context here for just a moment. I have some fairly
strong opinions about this. They're just my opinions. I have raised 4 kids with
her. And I've been a shrink for a couple of decades. It is my opinion that it's
not helpful to have a game system, a television and entertainment system in a
child's bedroom. Can you back me up on this one? -I agree. Yes. -Now. Again, it's your
choice whether you do that or not. But here's why I'm coming down on this.
Access is becoming harder and harder to control. And most of these game systems
are now internet connected. Meaning that they can interact with
people outside of your home and family while they're playing the game. You want
to maintain as much supervision and control over that experience as you can
until your kids reach a level of moral maturity that you can trust them with it.
And Trust is something that they can earn. They can demonstrate that they're
making good choices in order to have more access. But having that game system
in a common area like over in the side of the kitchen or in the living room
area, a family room where there can be more supervision, where multiple people
can observe and see what's going on, that's just a good rule of thumb so that
we don't get kids into trouble in a private space with something that's
connected to people who may or may not have your interests at heart. Maybe as we
wrap this up today, I don't want to come across as one of those old fuddy-duddy
the old-fashioned guys that thinks video games are awful and horrible and evil. I
don't feel that way. In fact, I enjoy a few of them myself. And my kids have
enjoyed them over the years. I think it's an amazing technology that teaches a lot
of skills and gives us opportunities to experience a richer level of life. Having
said that, I think it needs to be handled in moderation. There has to be some
precaution that's applied to it. Obviously, some of the risk factors that
are out there. There's other things in life that are probably more important
than the video games. -And the one thing I would caution especially as a
speech-language pathologist is never allow video games or screen
relationships or interactions become more important or more prevalent than
face-to-face contact. Especially in our young children. They're really...
They need that interaction with people. One-on-one talk. -Actual contact. -And
there's so much in their language development, their social development and
their individual self-esteem development that has to happen. And it comes through
interactions with other people. -Real live living human beings. Thank you again. We
are so honored and pleased that you're here on the channel that you're a
positive conscious parent. -Join us at parentingpowerup.com. Where you can become
a part of a great community where you can have support and also have access to
a lot of tips and even a free training.
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