I'm Rebecca. I'm 18.
I'm living in Cork and I am starting
film and screen media in UCC this year.
I live with an eating disorder.
I've almost kind of a phobia around food.
It means that my diet is very restricted
and it's something that makes me feel
very uncomfortable talking about it.
But I've learned that the only way people are going to listen is
if I start talking about it.
And it basically means that right now,
until I find services that can help me, I'm stuck in this body.
I have very little I can do
until I can figure out ways to improve my situation.
I think when I was younger,
I wasn't really even aware that I might be overweight.
It wasn't until somebody pointed out
in comparison to like a friend of mine in school
that I realized I'm bigger than most people.
I thought I was just tall, and it kind of became
more apparent as I got into my teens.
Going into shops and realizing that I had to get bigger sizes.
I remember one really bad incident of going in
trying to look for a swimming costume in this little sports shop
and nothing fitting me.
And just that feeling of this feels awful.
I'm not
even that big, except when you're overweight in society,
it just feels like you're not allowed to feel pretty,
even though for me, I always liked that, I like feeling
like I look good.
It's just in those little things of girls
wearing stuff that I knew I could never wear.
And just that sense that you're always slightly different
to the rest of them for something
that you have very little control over.
It's a lot.
And it definitely internalizes
into a lot of self hating.
It's looking in the mirror
and not feeling happy with what you see.
It's just being hyper aware of your body
and how it feels to fit in your body, being really aware
and how you fit in society
and a lot of beating yourself up about it.
Why can't I be better?
Why can't I get over this?
Why can't I just drop the weight?
It's this constant wanting
to change yourself and never really accepting that it's OK.
We live in a society that's
so kind of cruel towards people who are overweight.
It's usually in the language.
It becomes a lot more abstract and there's a lot of blaming
like I can just tell that they think I'm being lazy
here, and you can just kind of feel the judgment.
Feels annoying.
It feels frustrating because I'd say in the past
it probably upset me,
but at this stage, I'm just like, Oh God, we still here now?
I mean, just move on.
If you make a conscious effort not to judge people,
then you find that it becomes less important.
But I would also say to never use this as an insult
and to always just be really aware.
It's that kind of classic thing
of put yourself in somebody else's shoes.
Like, how would you feel if somebody calls you
a nasty word about your weight?
Just be sensitive and just I think it's just to be kind,
the same way you would with any other person.
If you're about to make a comment about someone's weight,
or if someone you know is about to make that comment.
Just say, leave it, just leave it.
We don't need to do that.
It's the easiest thing in the world is not to make that comment.
But then also, if somebody comes to you
and expresses that they're worried about their weight, reassure them,
tell them that it doesn't matter what size they are.
It's OK.
They just need to look after themselves.
Instead of just saying you're skinny.
I think the better thing to do is just to reassure them
it doesn't matter what your weight is because on a societal level,
it reinforces that skinny is the good thing.
But then also on a personal level, it means that self-acceptance,
that kind of unconditional support is really what they're craving.
They're not craving to be told that they're skinny,
they're craving to have just that, that connection, that click.
Surround yourself with good people.
Surround yourself with yes people who can reassure you.
If somebody is negative, they're not that worth it.
I'm kind of at a stage
where now I'm a lot more accepting of myself
and a lot more confident than I used to be.
I used to hate talking about my food issues.
I used to feel like everyone was judging me,
I hated it, and it made me feel so anxious.
But I'm definitely at a stage where I'm a lot more comfortable
to talk about it because I realize it's not my fault.
It's not something that keeps me up at night.
Other people should be embarrassed for
judging me by it.
Never be afraid of who you are.
Wear it like armor and it can never be used to hurt you.