(upbeat music)
- [Blond Man] Hey, do you mind taking like a bunch of photos
in different poses?
- You know, I'd really actually rather
just get this over with.
- Come on, man, I need these.
- Can't you just take a damn selfie?
- No! That's too thirsty, all right?
I need these to be medium thirsty.
- Okay. (camera clicks)
- Make sure you get my ass in the photo.
- No, it's there.
- Then switch it around.
Get that, get the Mythbuster.
- That's good, that's good.
(smooth music)
- (sighs) Victor?
- Yes, Jenny?
- We've been here about 15 minutes now.
Can we take our picture together and post it
so people will stop asking if we're together
and just get the hell out of here?
- Oh my God, I thought you'd never ask!
(camera clicking)
All right,
let's blow this joint. - Yeah!
(smooth music)
- And it turns out my stepdad was (beep) on the garage
the whole time, it was crazy.
Oh my God, what are you staring at?
- Nothing.
(light music)
(scoffs)
(upbeat music)
- So it's just this sexy test tube baby man
with no bellybutton and a six pack
running around doing funny stuff.
Aw, what are you looking at?
- Nothing.
(light music)
- It's your selfie camera, isn't it?
- Yeah.
(laughs)
(smooth music)
- Emergency contact.
Oh, my husband, who cherishes me and cares if I live or die.
(exhales)
(upbeat music)
- Hmm, emergency contact?
Who would wanna know about an emergency with me?
Oh, my mom!
- [Mom] Hello?
- Hi, mommy.
Would it be all right if I put you down
as my emergency contact on some work forms?
- [Mom] Ooh. (laughs)
I'm not really taking on any new responsibilities right now.
Sorry!
- What? (phone clicks)
You just adopted seven cats.
(smooth music)
- Is that Tinder?
Ugh, it must be so hard to pick someone
solely based off their pictures.
I don't envy you at all.
I am so glad I don't have all those options,
and I only sleep with the one dude
that I met like six years ago
when I was a completely different person.
But there's nothing wrong with him, so I just stay.
Even though I gain nothing from the relationship
except for companionship and someone to split the rent with.
(upbeat music)
- Actually it's Bumble, and it's not hard at all.
I just post pictures, answer questions,
and spend hours looking at profiles
looking for one that I like, hoping that we match,
and that I only have a certain amount of time
to message that person,
and then I'm inevitably disappointed
because we either don't meet,
or we do meet and there's no spark
because the whole culture of dating apps
makes you focus on all the things that don't matter
rather than what's right in front of me.
(both sigh)
- [Both] I'm so lonely.
(smooth music)
(phone chimes)
- Oh, Sam just invited us to dinner tomorrow night.
Do you want to go?
- Oh, totally.
Wait, she definitely invited both of us, right?
- Yeah!
She said, "Hey, Rachel,
do you want to go to dinner tomorrow night?"
- Oh! Okay, cool.
- Yeah.
(upbeat music)
(laughing)
- Stop, you're so bad! - Does that so good.
Okay, I have to go to the bathroom.
I'll see you guys in a sec. - Okay.
(mysterious music)
- Hey, just so you know, I am not the third wheel.
I initiated this hangout.
You two might be kissing and whispering or whatever,
but you're the third wheel!
- Okay.
- Yeah!
- Tricycles have three wheels, I think they're pretty tight.
- Are you hitting on me?
(upbeat music)
- Hey, Shannon, it's me.
I miss you.
I've been thinking about you a lot,
and you said I could call at any time,
so here I am, I'm calling ya! (chuckles)
I don't know if I you got my last two messages,
but I'm here, I'm around if you want to call me back.
Okay, bye, bye.
(clears throat) Bye.
Should've said bye three more times.
Dang it.
I should call her.
(smooth music)
Whoa, Shannon, what are you doing here?
- I sensed you were in a new relationship,
so I'm here now and I'm horny.
- Okay, that's very nice,
and it's great to see you, but I need you to please leave.
- Can I at least smell your hoodie before I go?
- Go for it.
- Well, privacy please.
- Knock yourself out.
It is my apartment.
- (inhales) God, that's good!
Yummy!
(upbeat music)
- I am so glad we could take the time
to make this call, guys.
I love my girls so much!
- Yes, yes!
- My girls, hey!
♪ Right here, right now ♪
♪ My girls, my girls ♪
(smooth music)
- Yeah, I'm sorry, babe.
I meant to check in, but I just...
I have my call with the girl.
No, you're right, you are totally right to worry.
I will try and be better.
Yes.
I know, I know, your love language is surveillance.
I love you.
I love you more!
- Shea, you can mute yourself.
- Oh, he would not like that.
No, no baby, nothing.
Don't worry about it.
(smooth music)
- Hey, Sarah.
- Hmm?
- Do you wanna watch this 14 hours documentary
on olive oil ice cream making?
- Sure, honey, I love documentaries.
- Great!
(television chattering)
- They are so fun and definitely don't bore me to death.
(playing guitar)
(upbeat music)
Netflix has too many options, I don't know what to watch.
Oh, I guess I'll watch this then.
Oh, oh!
This is my favorite part!
(soft music)
(upbeat music)
(smooth music) (rain pattering)
- I think it's raining outside.
- Dude, you know what that means.
- [Both] Party!
(party music)
(smooth music)
- Oh God, Tom and Evan invited us to an It's Raining Party.
- Don't worry, I already told them I'm sick
so we don't have to go.
- Why would you tell him that without me?
- What if he asks me the symptoms,
like what are your symptoms?
We have to get our story straight!
- Something happened last night when the green orb came.
- Okay, I'll type that up.
- Thank you.
Thank you for being the most
supportive girlfriend I've ever had.
- So you're actually sick?
- Yeah, I'm feeling sad in my gastrointestinal chords,
and I think that must've happened last night
when the green orb
approached our house. - So do I call a doctor,
- an exorcist or an IT guy?
- Oh, I think an alien for sure just (beep) me.
(laughing)
- My girlfriend is right here.
- No, she actually went to the bathroom.
- Okay, is that an excuse for me to hit on you?
- Maybe.
- Okay.
Well what are you doing- - I broke
- all of the toilets, we have to go.
- He was hitting on me when you were gone.
- I was (scoffs)
doing that a little bit.
(laughing)
- And it turns out he was actually
one of the horcruxes the whole time.
And it turns out A actually was just
the twin sister, Courtney,
and Allie was dead the whole time.
Turns out they actually died during the crash,
and the entire event on the island was just purgatory.
- Gives me cuddles night,
and cooks me pasta with broccoli, mozzarella,
mm, he's big spoon.
(laughing)
- [Cast Member] Right at the camera.
(all laughing)
- Woo!
Wow, I feel like I'm skydiving!
(inhales)
Texted the text.
- Huh?
Oh, good, yes.
- Why don't you look at me like that anymore?
- I don't love you.
- Not even when I wear my feather outfit?
- It's not the same.
I'm not thinking of you,
I'm thinking of whatever the (beep) this is!
(laughs)
- Yeah! Musk!
- Yes, I am wearing the new fragrance by Elon Musk
called Musk.
It's really good.
- It smells like space, huh?
- It smells exactly like space, which is nothing.
I think he sold me water.
(laughing)
- [Man With Hat] Also, why don't you invest
in a non-inflatable bed? - Look at this.
- Look at that kick.
- What woman's gonna come back here with you
when you got an inflatable bed?
- The Michelin woman.
(laughing)
- Her name is Michelle.
Michelle Lin.
- 'Tis I, your psycho ex-girlfriend.
- Uh oh.
- And we have more content for you,
because we will never leave you
because we are your psycho ex-girlfriend.
- Uh oh.
- So we have this other video over there.
And that one has commitment issues.
- Uh oh!
- But the merch down there, - Yep.
super emotionally available.
- Yummy.
- And if you subscribe down there,
- Huh?
- That's a long-term relationship, baby.
- Whoa! - Get it.
- You don't have to be single
when you're subscribed to Smosh.
- Nope. (smooches)
All of us collectively
are your significant other. - Other.