Pt 1: “Why do you want to be beautiful?”
“I want to look beautiful because people will listen more to someone
with a beautiful face and wisdom than a person with just wisdom.”
“Power. Knowing that my presence would be enough for people to think I am a person they would like
to know, getting to approach more people with the effort compared to being mediocre-looking.”
“Because pretty privilege is real.”
“Beauty for me equals easy love. And, there’s a form of safety accorded to love. You can
have views that are perhaps controversial, saying or doing something in ignorance and
still have a lot of people defend and love you, so in a way, you’re allowed to be more human.”
“For my future partner. I want to be irresistibly beautiful in his eyes.”
“If I’m satisfied with the way I look, I can take pictures with friends,
go to various places, and do many other things without hesitation.”
“To feel confident the moment I walk into a room.”
“I want people to like me, and I want to like myself.”
“As someone on the autism spectrum, it’s much easier to be let off for
“odd” behavior (odd by neurotypical societal standards) if you are more
attractive. It helps you blend in and makes other people like you more. So,
when I do something other people find strange it’s often played off as quirky and endearing,
as opposed to weird and creepy, since I happen to be reasonably conventionally
attractive. As a whole, if you are attractive, people are nicer and more forgiving to you.”
“People notice you and are drawn to you,
want to hear what you have to say and want to get to know you.”
“Being pretty gives me positive feelings, similar to making my home beautiful. Pure happiness.”
“I want to look at myself in the mirror and have only love for myself,
no insecurities. I want to be able to wear the outfits that I like without being conscious of
whether I look okay or terrible. I want to open the camera and be like “damn I’m
gorgeous” without any filters. I want to be able to love myself when I think of me.”
“So if I make a mistake or don’t perform well, I have something else valuable about me. It’s sad.”
“To feel loved.”
“So that I am seen in this world.”
Those were some of your replies from when I asked you on Instagram.
In the UK, a survey from 2019 surveying teenagers from age
13-19 showed that 31% of teenagers felt ashamed in relation to their body image.
40% said images on social media had caused them to worry about body image.
40% said that things their friends have said have made them worry about their body image.
Just over one-third of adults said they
had ever felt anxious (34%) or depressed (35%) because of their body image.
Just over one in five adults (22%) and 40% of teenagers said images on social
media caused them to worry about their body image.
53% of U.S young adults admit that social media's portrayal
of others' lives has harmed their self-esteem.
88% of young women compare themselves to images they see on social media,
with 50% saying that these images make them feel unattractive.
This part of the video is in paid partnership with BetterHelp.
Now, social media isn’t the only thing causing body image concerns. It’s also
things like our relationships with our family and friends and
how our family and peers feel and speak about bodies and appearance.
Like when I think of when I felt the worst about my appearance, specifically my body,
it was long before social media was popularized. It was when I was in my teen years,
and those feelings were in fact caused by the comments I got from other people.
It took me years of well, growing up and my brain fully developing, but also talking to people I
trusted, journaling and therapy, to get me to a place where I finally felt okay with myself.
BetterHelp is one such platform where you can get connected with a therapist
who is trained to listen and give you helpful, unbiased advice. Over 4 million
people have used BetterHelp to start living a healthier, happier life, and I understand why.
It’s (1) convenient because you can have your therapy sessions as a phone call, as a video
chat, or even via messaging if you prefer that, whatever’s the most comfortable
version of therapy for you. And you can schedule your therapy sessions
at a time that’s convenient for you. And, you know, some people don’t like
face-to-face therapy or they might not find a therapist that they like in their area.
It’s (2) easy to get started. Use my link in the description box or go to betterhelp.com/lana,
just fill out a questionnaire to help assess your specific needs and then in most cases
you’ll get matched with your therapist in most cases within 48 hours or less.
Also (3) and this one is really important: If the therapist you’re first matched with doesn’t feel
like the right fit, which can be common when starting therapy, I know it’s happened to me,
you can easily switch to a new therapist at no additional cost
If you think you might benefit from therapy, consider BetterHelp. Click
the link in the description or visit Betterhelp.com/lana. Clicking that
link helps support this channel, and it also gets you 10% off your first
month of BetterHelp so you can connect with a therapist and see if it helps you.
One thing that came up a lot when I asked you all why you
wanted to be beautiful was “pretty privilege.
Pretty privilege
Attractive individuals are more likely to be hired, promoted and receive higher salaries.
I think of the halo effect, meaning that someone who is perceived positively in one aspect is
assumed to possess other positive qualities as well. For instance, highly symmetrical
faces are not only seen as attractive, but also positive indicators of health and personality
traits such as sociability, intelligence, liveliness, self-confidence and mental health.
While being good looking can definitely have its benefits in
society–it can sometimes have the opposite effect,
especially for really pretty women who might be perceived as shallow and not so smart.
It can be more difficult to make authentic connections because relationships may
be initiated for the wrong reasons and this can lead to a sense of isolation.
Now, we can acknowledge that those struggles are not insignificant,
while also acknowledging that the research overwhelmingly shows that being good-looking
comes with a lot of benefits. Evolution
Let’s get into the evolution of beauty just a little bit.
Basically, from the perspective of evolutionary psychology, we want to be desired because being
desired means survival. Women wanted tall, muscular men with symmetrical
faces (and high social status) who could hunt and protect them and their offspring.
Men want fertile women with nice plump skin and healthy hair who can carry their babies.
This one article writes, “In conclusion, we can say that, even though they have
diﬀerent selection strategies, men and women are alike in one aspect:
if all other characteristics are equal, they will prefer a more beautiful partner.”.
Now, of course, we know much more about things like fertility now than we did
millions of years ago and our men no longer need to hunt for our food.
So why does it seem that these preferences remain by and large?
You’d think the human brain would’ve caught up by now. And how does it
explain how beauty standards have changed over time? Or have they?
Some studies show that beauty is not learned and
is not a cultural construct but that it is in fact biological.
One such study is where they found that babies looked longer at more attractive faces than at
less attractive ones. This suggests that beauty could be innate, since babies could
not have learned and internalized the standards of beauty this early in life.
I don’t know. There’s tons of literature on evolutionary psychology and I’ve only
read a tiny portion of it. One such book that I’ve read is “Sex at dawn”
and while it’s been loved by many it’s also been quite criticized. In fact it seems the
field of evolutionary psychology overall has been criticized by some scientists.
So, are beauty standards biological, cultural,
personal or universal, or is it a combination of all of those things?
Looking at how our perception of beauty has changed over time might give some clarity.
How beauty standards change over time
I found this really interesting article called “beauty through history”. It’s quite long,
but I want to share some of it. By the way, all articles and such will be linked below.
“History shows that standards of beauty are constantly changing. Most everyone
agrees that certain women -- Greta Garbo, Grace Kelly, Ingrid Bergman -- are truly
beautiful. But what actually constitutes beauty in any given era is very complex.”
In the 16th century, according to a parisian doctor named Jean Liebault,
the ideal for women was pale skin, because unattractively tanned skin was associated
with country women who had to work outdoors. Cheeks should be soft and pink and dimpled
like children's (that’s….. disturbing to say the least) and best of all was the asset of
having a double chin. Red hair was out, eyes should be big, ears small, and teeth present.
Victorians thought tiny rosebud lips were beauty's quintessential element. Fair skin,
lightly rosy cheeks. Obvious makeup was taboo in Victorian times. “It was believed
that cheeks painted with blush had to look flushed, and lips had to look bitten rather
than painted”. They would also use drops of belladonna in their eyes to dilate their pupils
and make their eyes look bigger. When used in high concentration, it could cause blindness.
By the Edwardian era, cosmetics experienced a surge in popularity. Pale skin remained
popular until the First World War, but blonde hair was no longer the ideal,
so women used henna to dye their hair in copper shades.
In pre-World War I times, full faces and voluptuous bodies were favored traits that
were associated with good health and beauty. Actress Lillian Russell fit the bill perfectly.
From the 1950s, the face that became an icon of American beauty was that of Marilyn Monroe.
The common denominator of beauty through time seems to be signs of health, youth and wealth.
The role of social media
Beauty has always been important and celebrated. The oldest evidence of
the use of cosmetic products was found in Egypt dating from 4000 years B.C.
What’s unique about modern times, and with the rise of social media,
is that it’s in our face, all the time.
Not just beautiful people, but everything they do,
everything they buy, everywhere they are, their relationships–all of it.
And with the popularization of how-to videos and advice videos, it can make
you feel like anything you do or anything you are or anything you have just isn’t enough.
It’s the endless ways we’re told we can improve our loves, improve our looks, improve our
relationships, improve the way we treat our pets or our kids, be more cultured, make more money.
And look - some of this information is truly valuable, but it’s too much. One person alone
can’t possibly process all of the information we’re given, and even less so actualize it.
Social media can mamke you feel like you could always work out more,
take better care of your skin, travel more, work harder, buy nicer clothes,
hang out more with friends, learn more skills. I know for me,
it can make me identify infinite “areas of improvement” that I don’t normally consider.
And the reason I don’t consider them is because I don’t actually need them,
because actually (although I have things I strive for and I believe that’s healthy) I
have enough. But social media communicates to me that I don’t have enough, and that I never will.
Because tomorrow, there will be a new trend, a new must-buy magical cream, a new type of pretty.
The different types of “pretty”
Have you heard of this thing called “TikTok pretty”?
I have to read the urban dictionary definition to you:
If someone is considered to be "TikTok Pretty" or "Insta Model Pretty" it
basically means that they have surpassed the regular societal beauty standards and
are just indescribable pretty. People who are TikTok pretty have a clean look to them,
and just seem so perfect. If you get called TikTok pretty, this means you are an 11/10.
People who are TikTok pretty are the type to be able to just stand in front of a
camera and DO LITERALLY NOTHING but stare at the camera and get thousands of likes.
There’s also “popular pretty”. There’s four types of pretty. Oh no wait there
are seven types of pretty. But really, don’t they all mostly look the same?
Body positivity movement… is it helping?
Now, there have been attempts to create movements, like the body positivity movement,
where more people feel included and accepted. Where more people get to feel beautiful.
I’m barely going to dip my toe into this subject, simply because I haven’t been
following it closely or actively sought out accounts that create content around this topic.
I know that it’s been quite conflicting though–some people have found community,
and have learned to love themselves by partaking
in this movement. Others have found that it’s done more harm than good.
Again, while my personal experience is very limited, I will say this: Personally, when
I come across a post trying to encourage me to love some part of my self, I often find that it’s
a part of myself that didn’t even really bother me in the first place, one I didn’t even notice.
For example, I had no idea what hip dips were and never even cared about
them until some body positivity person said we should love our
hip dips. They didn’t bother me until I was told to accept them.
I personally feel that if I need to be encouraged to love something about myself,
it must mean it’s less-than-ideal, otherwise it wouldn’t even have been mentioned in the
first place. And that, in turn, can create an insecurity that didn’t exist in the first place.
Like no one would tell Jacob Elordi to learn to love his
height or Madison Beer to learn to love her nose.
I’d love to hear from those who have been more actively involved
and influenced by the body-positivity movement in the comment section.
Ultimately, we must be aware that much of what we see online are businesses. While I don’t
believe it’s inherently wrong to capitalize off of the things you create, like selling
products or courses–as consumers, we just need to be critical and have realistic expectations.
For example, a lot of people might benefit from the same fitness routine, the same types of
fillers, the same creams and hair products. Like I personally LOVE seeing other people share their
routines and recommend products and whatnot. I think it can be super fun and inspiring.
While simultaneously, I do keep in mind that buying that thing from that person,
isn’t going to give me their skin, or their body, or their success or their lifestyle. I acknowledge
that we have different genetics, different hormone levels, different lifestyles. I acknowledge that
we have different obligations and responsibilities in life. All of these things play a big role.
I like when Adriana Lima said in an interview, when asked about her beauty
secrets she said "Beauty secret? Thank you mom and dad for the amazing DNA, thank you".
Now her routines and rituals and potential
enhancements aside (I don’t know what and if she’s had any, I have no idea) - the
realest answer is the one she gave. Short and sweet - it’s the genetics.
Yes, you can work out, you can improve your skin care routine, you can tweak your lifestyle,
and you can look, feel and be absolutely stunning. But remember that it will be
YOU-stunning! Just like I can only be LANA-stunning. Not stunning like someone
else. And I don’t want to be stunning like someone else. I want to be stunning like me.
I, just like most people, or dare I say everyone, want to look my best and feel my best. I want to
feel beautiful. I want to have clear skin, a subtle tan, a good hair day, a good brow day…
I will say though, what’s really interesting is how other things,
outside of my physical looks alone, can affect how beautiful I feel.
It’s okay if this sounds cheesy, but I feel beautiful when I’m happily in love. When I
feel loved. When I’m drinking some tea, reading a book or listening to classical music; it makes
me feel elegant and soft and feminine. When I smell good… When I laugh with people I love.
When I feel like I have a purpose; when I’ve done something that mattered to someone else.
When I’m happy. That never fails to make me feel beautiful.