here we are i am andrew garfield
and i am here with buzzfeed and i am
going to be reading
your first tweets oh god
andrew garfield is a precious bean
protect him
thanks dad i love you too that's sweet
see you was
starting soft can we talk about how
gorgeous andrew garfield is
for a sec like that man is [ __ ]
beautiful
i'd let him eat crackers in bed
that was a journey i mean the first part
is just like incredibly flattering and
um as misguided as it is and then the
crackers in bed thing is
i guess cause crackers are messy thank
you so much it's very very kind
i wouldn't let my selfie crackers in bed
because i
slightly ocd when it comes to
cleanliness in bed oh god i'm gonna move
on
andrew garfield if you see this on your
secret twitter account i'm free this
weekend if you want to get lunch or
drinks or something and just let me know
if you want to do it earlier i can do
dinner during the week but i'm usually
busy before
six i love that that's very
very i like hyper vigilance i like
specificity of plans
i i wouldn't know where to find you but
i am free this weekend
i can't believe andrew garfield invented
being sexy
i find it hard to believe to the point
of knowing that it's not true who was it
that invented being sexy like when
was sexy invented i guess consciously it
would have to be
a human although i'm sure before humans
existed
in the cosmos and on earth there are
there are forms of life though did
anyone else think about the optima
octopus teacher being a little
like oddly sexy not sexy but like
i know i noticed like on online there
were people that were like i loved that
film by the way and i didn't find it
sexy it was someone else that thought
that there was
just read one thing online something
sexy happening between the octopus and
the man oh god why did i agree to this
i can't believe i lived through shave
andrew garfield
long hair andrew garfield mustache
andrew garfield and now blonde andrew
garfield
he really gave it all to us this is
tricky because the ego is
is such a a delicate thing and i i'm a
leo man
and it's very very hard for me not to
flattery is the way
into my heart i'm trying to take these
and and just kind of bow
so that the compliments kind of fly over
my head you know that was the original
um impetus behind the inventing bowing
when after a performance or whatever it
was actually to let the applause
fly over your head so you didn't get
inflated i kind of dig that so this is
like a real test for me to not get
egotistical
even mustache andrew garfield that was a
dark time for everybody
andrew garver is literally the daddy of
all daddies if i'm literally the daddy
of all daddies it means i'm
some form of father god which i'm very
very uncomfortable with and even my ego
can't handle that but
you know what for the next five minutes
i will accept being the daddy of all
daddies whatever that means
andrew garfield is thick and awoke
to the best things to be if i am in fact
thick
my god that's the dream because when i
was a kid i was the op
i was a streak of piss as you might say
so any thickness or anyone
claiming that i have thickness i
appreciate and wokeness too
swag is an acronym for sex with andrew
garfield
i've been trying to tell you all andrew
garfield is like a fine mixture of sexy
and cute
and seductive like [ __ ] bro bro this is
actually becoming too much because i
this is gonna
make me self-reflect in a way that i
don't want to but listen if that's how
you feel bro i'm not going to try and
correct you
if blonde andrew garfield ever kills me
see i knew was he going to get violent
i knew it was going to get violent it
always gets violent if blonder
garfield kills me do not prosecute him
because he caught me slipping that is on
me
god man this is tricky do prosecute me
if i ever kill this person
because um i love justice i wish andrew
garfield would whisper you better lawyer
up [ __ ] in
the cool thing about that movie my love
for jesse eisenberg
and the relationship that we created for
that film meant that
i wanted that line to hurt him more than
if i shouted it i wanted it to be
lodged in his [ __ ] soul if i can't
make money in other ways i will
charge people for me to whisper in their
ear you better lawyer a hassle it's kind
of
a good side gig yes the rumors are true
i am a [ __ ]
for andrew garfield thank you
that's so generous i promise i will only
be respectful 95
of the reason i love spider-man is
because of andrew garfield's butt in
that suit
that's harsh on uh the rest of my
performance
we're back to thickness i'm just happy
to be of service would not be upset if
andrew garfield spit in my mouth
okay i want andrew garfield to smash a
laptop on my tits
whoa it's good i'm not gonna do that
i draw the line nope like this is like
pro tip
and also like boundaries like if anyone
says i want to smash a laptop
on your breasts just say get out of my
house andrew garfield's spandex clad
buttocks
should be legally obliged to appear in
all superhero movies from now on
i wonder what my fee would be to bring
that thickness tom holland with toby
maguire and andrew garfield
my bussy is shaking oh
the bussy [ __ ] shaking is um we know
where that leads and
i'm afraid it may be shaking in vain
thank you for these thirst tweets this
was
really fun and slightly disturbing and
occasionally arousing so thank you
there's a movie and it's called
mainstream
and my friend gia coppola wrote and
directed it and it's with maya hawk who
is wonderful and it's with nat wolfe who
is my boyfriend and i got to do some
really crazy stuff
i hope you guys watch and enjoy much
love thank you
[Music]