Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic.
I remember it so you don't have to. Let's be honest,
If you took Pixar out the equation Disney would still be putting out some damn good CGI films.
From Tangled to Wreck-it Ralph to Frozen to Moana, Disney has been making smash after smash winning over both audiences and critics
Some of them are even among the highest-grossing movies of all time. It's amazing the quality of films. They're pushing out
God, did it not start that way.
Being Disney's second computer animated film without Pixar, Chicken Little is among one of the most awkward, uncomfortable
mean-spirited movies they've ever made and don't get me wrong
I love mean-spirited Disney. Whether it be their villains, creepy imagery or, whatever Christ this is.
But that's not what Chicken Little is
It's supposed to be bright, colorful, and upbeat but instead it's eerie, disturbing and as upbeat as an animated series
on The Good Son. How does such a thriving CG empire hatch from such an ugly rotten egg?
Well, we're here to take an unfortunate look.
Let's see why our IQs are falling with Chicken Little.
So, the movie is so unclear with its tone that it actually has three false starts. Once upon a time...
How many times have ya heard that to begin a story?
No, I don't think so. It sounds familiar. Doesn't it? Oh, no. No, not the book.
How many have seen opening the book before? You know naming cliches surprisingly doesn't make you above them.
You have to actually do something with them.
It's like if I start off a movie with this: The movie starts in a store-- no a house--- no a bar
Sorry, sometimes I type my post-it notes into the script.
So, they decide to go with, I guess, no intro as we just cut to Chicken Little telling everybody to run for cover
leading to some already confusing jokes.
I guess what's supposed to be funny is rabbits have a lot of kids how they all fit into one stroller is at least an
abstractly forced joke. How's this for world building? A universe comprised entirely of animals is watching Indiana Jones.
This universe is as coherent as a VR chat room. Nothing is established. But hey a giant water tower knocks out cars honking Old MacDonald
Get it? I don't. As if all of this wasn't aggressively nonsensical enough, keep in mind
we're not even two minutes in. Nothing is properly established except Zootopia's direct-to-dvd sequel clearly needed 10 more rewrites.
Don't tell me the main character's name. I was happy in this anarchy of confusion.
This is 12 year old Chicken Little voiced by 30-year old Zach Braff.
I know it's a piece of the sky somewhere. That matches as well as Dr. Claw voicing Ariel.
Says the sky is falling but everyone thinks he confused it for an acorn. It doesn't help either. They start saying gibberish for
never any established reason.
I wonder what that is backwards, I still stand by Garden State fool
so the town makes a movie about him as towns do
That's just one year later and littles father voiced by Gary Marshall
Constantly reminds him of his failure would be better for you just to lay low don't call attention to yourself, right? Yes
It's it's like a game a game of hide-and-seek except the goal is never to be found
Ever the important thing is you feel no love from me like my audiences reaction to the other sister
Are we don't make eye contact? Okay, he rung a bell not decapitated a student book burnings have more tolerance than this
After discovering even traffic won't stop for him
He makes it to class where Patrick Stewart plays his greatest role since a pile of shit as the teacher who reads off the students
Names, it just happened to be descriptive phrases Foxy Loxy present pretty and punctual runt of the litter
fish-out-of-water
Abby Mallard
Ugly Duckling. AAAah
Hello, hello, this is the 1950s we'd like our cartoon sound effect at something ugly back. I'm sorry. I have no control over that
Oh, well, who does they suppose the people who made this movie but they made it in 2005, right?
Yeah, when they have moved on to newer material by then, well, what would think for Disney Oh God Disney used that joke
They must be in Arad. Well, they will be for a while, but believe it or not. They do pull out
why am I still going with this joke has
Anyone noticed by the way, the animation moves like a choppy cut scene from a PlayStation 2 game
Everyone is either spastic or has more Mali in them than the movie ghost
Split into two teams
popular versus unpopular move over George Orwell
Someone else has beaten you for best commentary. Coach .Yeah, un popular? shouldn't we review safety guidelines
Sure, hit the pig kids
Why do I feel like this world is one step away from man in the high castle
Just do what Fish is doing
Waste copyright money on a song for a joke that blows?
Chicken Little tells Ugly Duckling played by Joan Cuzac that he wants to do something great to get everyone's mind off the goof up
They made a year ago and make his dad proud again
But she doesn't think it's a good idea the nut needs to be cracked open. bam smashed bits of emotion flying everywhere anger frustration
Denial fear you see what I'm saying?
Character over explains something that nobody understands. Classic outdated comedy. Now comes the part where we throw our heads back and laugh. Ready?
No
There's a whole section about it in this month's modern mallard
She says he needs closure with his father but fish-out-of-water uses the cards that fall out of her magazine to build a skyscraper
I
Thank this movie for allowing me to reference loaded weapon one by asking the question you stole from loaded weapon one
Little tells the bullies to stop picking on them, but he's flung against the window adding to the good cheer
This film has to offer. I guess this is done while the teacher is gone
But really wouldn't it be encouraged while the teacher was there? This world is pretty sick
He sets off the fire alarm though, of course getting blamed leading to his father called to the principal's office
Now look buck. You were buck Ace. Cluck our school baseball star your kid
He's nothing like you at all
that
In no way connects to anything, but it's good to know the principal's as big a dick in this world as anyone else
Little decides to sign up for the baseball team to try and make his dad proud when he's constantly benched
until his big break up next
Chicken Little
You're gonna fail and we don't love you
Surprisingly though he makes a hit immediately winning over the town's bottomless pit of shallow attention even his asshole dad
Congratulate his athletic achievement with passive-aggressive praise
I guess that puts the whole sky is falling incident behind us once and for all
My love for you was like a grocery store staff constantly shifting depending on convenience
But things change when apparently a piece of the sky falls, but he keeps it a secret so people don't mock him again
So he calls ugly duckling and runt of the litter who are singing beautifully dated. Karaoke if you wanna be my
Foot size joke in frozen gets a PG but singing about the qualifications of being someone's lover every toddler should see that
Or how about this nugget of family okayness?
Remember when that icy blue stuff fell from the sky and it just turned out to be frozen pee from a jet airplane
It's frozen pee. I love my kids films to have towns getting pissed on. I really need more of that in Winnie the Pooh
He shows them the device but it accidentally sucks up fish out of water and they go to save him
What was that about oh
It's amazing how none of this is like the original source material at all. I hope this doesn't become a thing
The kids go into the alien ship where they find fish out of water as well as apparently an evil plan to destroy the earth
Either that or they're just marking off places. They've already been I cross off a day on my calendar. I didn't destroy the day
The aliens find the kids though and try to attack gee I wonder if a crop circle joke is coming up
Great just throw a door at them and a glass of water and they'll be beat for life
Chicken Little rings the bell alerting the town, but of course the aliens go away and no one believes him again
It's the Acorn thing all over again. Yeah, there's no story here. Well, at least we can sell the video the chickens gone wild
I don't know what's more disturbing.
The fact that there's a show called chickens gone wild or the fact that a little boy qualifies to be in it
Mommy take away your Streisand collection. Okay, can the remainder of this review just be me speculating?
What kind of animal Streisand is in this world? I'm gonna say anteater
Of course, he looks to his dad for support who completely turns his back on him yet again
I I'm really sorry about this everyone looks like this is just a big crazy misunderstanding
They designed him with two apple seeds for eyes. It's amazing. He sees anything at all
One of the aliens is left behind though
And I do have to give credit that they could have gone with just a generic alien design
But they do get creative by putting Rainbow Brite shoes on troll hair
Let's be honest Kingdom of the Crystal Skull would have been a little better if this was the alien
Thus he ends up befriending little his name is Kirby. They left him behind
Darth Vader's Luke's father. Oh
Come on, Lucas films are the only human movies we get out here. How aren't we talking about them more?
But the sky breaks apart for all the town to see and the aliens start invading looking for their kid
We gotta go. No, wait dad. I gotta tell you something. What what I know. I know you were right alien invasion
I see that now look up okay for the amount of asshol-iness. We've been putting up with that's not enough
We need like the entire town to bow down to him like Return of the King. You keep getting copyrights for other songs
How about how a source scored from that moment?
Forget it. You wouldn't believe me anyway
son
Son forget it buck. It's chicken town
Where they play chickens gone wild seriously. What was that?
Well, obviously ripping off Spielberg's War of the Worlds though apparently not obvious enough as they literally have to tell you
It's like War of the Worlds out there
And this isn't a parody of the matrix
Buck catches up to Chicken Little and they try to work things out you're never there for me
I mean you were you were there when I won the big game, but not when I thought the sky fell. your mom
she was you know, she
Was always good with stuff like this
I'll never forget the day. She never came back from Panda Express
But you need to know that. I love you
And I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like that was something you had to earn
No, I mean granted any love I've shown for you has clearly been done through earning it, but that's not what I
That's what I intended. Oh
And he kisses ugly duckling because their relationship was so special they decide to spring it on you at this very moment
That's closure. Now Foley. You showed how it started
By the way for the amount of aliens looking for this kid
How can they not spot Conan O'Brien's pubic hair running through this gray colourless city?
Even when they do find him they don't turn him over
I think it's a safe bet any of these ships will get him to his parents, but they're anything like chicken littles dad
I'm just assuming they disowned him already
They make it to the roof and try to get the alien to the literal mothership
But they get beamed up and talk to the aliens dad release the child
You have violated intergalactic law 90210
I recognize that number. That means it's funny
it'd be
Nice if there was some connection to that zip code that gave it some relevance but just me recognizing it is enough
Writing words are hard
But the Son comes in to save them and returns the town to how did willy wonka put it a normal?
Terrible old selves that is except for Foxy Loxy who seems to have lost her bully tomboy ways
Way to put her back the way she was Oh
Little girl her parents raised is dead, but show tunes
Darling look at the time we better get a move on I
Guess I shouldn't be shocked that Disney merchandising has made it to planets
off the map but having Mickey with the third eye, isn't that kind of like alien blackface?
I like to see the movie they make about you now
I just hope they stay true to what really happened. Oh son. These people are from Hollywood
This irony's so thick
Tony Stark is making a suit out of it. the movies
of course overblown
Ridiculous and has no connection to the original tale and the film version
They watch isn't that good either now, you can throw your head back and laugh. I
Gotta give credit to casting Adam West as macho Chicken Little though
It may be the only funny scene in the movie. The sky is
Please call me
Ace and yet, it's still more accurate than the blindside
Chicken Little the dad and the audience are happy with the movie though proving
This film's moral the facts and deeper meaning don't mean shit as long as you're satisfied for the moment
The credits roll with runt and foxy singing a duet because
That's really funny, you know because of all their interactions that they had with each other and now they're complete opposites
oh, you know what the interactions like this couple seconds and no we're goddamn else Chicken Little it's about
relationships
Question mark five explanation points
Yes, this is not only an unfunny film. It's just kind of a rotten film
Everyone is so needlessly cruel and not in a fun way had the world characters or environments then better realize are defined
Maybe the meaner jokes could have worked but it just tosses you an awkward cruelty after awkward cruelty. Yes
There's a good lesson about parents and kids listening to each other, but it's done with such bland and/or
Unlikable characters that it's hard to take reasonably and on top of that. It's just not the story
It's like if the tortoise and the hare had aliens and the moral is never trust a wolf in sheep's clothing
It just doesn't add up
I hear a lot of people grew up liking this and if that's the case
I can't fault the message it's trying to get across but as Disney films go. This is a spoiled egg worth passing on
I'm the Nostalgia Critic and next week. I better get a better bird movie
That's not based on a phone app game
Piggy-corn of all flat
Hey, I'm Doug Walker doing the charity shout out and if you see this you probably know what charity I'm doing today
It's the children's health fund
yeah, I know you've seen that Red Nose campaign here and there and it's for a good reason the children's health fund is committed to
Ensuring high quality health care to America's most disadvantaged children. They achieved this through expanding access to comprehensive primary care
reducing health barriers to learning
Responding to the needs of children impacted by major public health crisis and improving the health and well-being of children through efficacy and public
education efforts over the years they've replicated this approach across the country today the national network provides care through
24 innovative pediatric care programs and affiliates that serve children in poor rural and urban communities
Across the country if you look at their site in their YouTube channel
You can see just how hard they work to make sure as many children as possible get the care
They need get your red nose on and donate to an organization working hard to help so many