[David] All right, this is Love is Blind.
Working title: "Toyota Fuck-a-thon." [laughs]
They will be going... [whistles]
We hope.
[woman laughing]
-Wow. -Hi.
[all greeting]
Oh, wait, they can see?
Oh, that wasn't my pitch at all.
Alright, why don't try to send them in by height.
I'm short and there are women out there that won't date guys that are shorter.
You know what? I like this short guy.
And I'm pulling for him. I don't know why.
-You don't know why? -Sorry, did you say something?
Why are these guys so underdressed? Like they're playing beer pong.
Send in somebody that knows what's up. Here we go, Carlton.
See, Carlton gets it, dude.
This kid was not on The Fresh Prince. Is this the same guy?
-Different guy. -Okay.
-Hi. -Hey hey.
You'll love the host I picked. Watch this.
How you doing?
Ta-da! Ha-ha! You know this guy from Backstreet Boys.
I'm obviously Nick Lachey.
He's from 98 Degrees.
No, he's from... NSYNC.
It's Nick Lachey. I'm pretty sure it's 98 Degrees.
-It is. -God dang it. Is it too late to fire him?
-Yeah. -I had it all planned out.
He was gonna say "Bye bye bye" if there was three people. If there is one, he'd say "Bye."
If there was three, it'd be perfect. He'd go, "Bye bye bye."
And I guess they'd go bye, or whatever.
Nick, tell them what they're here for.
Here, you will choose someone to marry...
without ever seeing them.
A-ha...
I love it. I love it. They didn't see that coming.
Alright, Vanessa, give them some preachy bullshit just to kill a few seconds.
We live in such a disconnected and distracted world.
Your value is often judged solely by the photo on your dating app.
Eesh.
Vanessa, why don't you, uh, stay quiet for a couple seconds.
Maybe till episode eight.
The only time you're gonna interact is in one of the private pods.
Ah, there's my pods. You know, I designed those.
Did I tell you that I was on ketamine
and I was scribbling down on a napkin, and then I handed them in, and then they used them.
I was half kidding but fuck it, let's go.
[Vanessa] You're gonna be separated by one thin wall.
Prince Harry, you know that guy?
Him and Meg Markle, that girl he's dating, they met in pods.
-That's incorrect. -That's funny. Your mom was incorrect.
That's not girlfriend, it's wife. They have a kid.
Are you a fact-checker for Jeopardy? I mean, my God.
I'm just talking out loud. I know that that lady was married to the guy.
I'm just talking, just to be friendly. Jesus.
-Game time. -Game time. Get that wife. Get that wife.
[David] Did you tell the guys to get Botox in their ball sack?
I did this two weeks ago.
Mine, mine were very wrinkly. And ah, ha ha ha you could light a match off of 'em.
[imitates match striking]
But now... [whistle softly]
it's like an Evian bottle.
-I'm going straight for the candy over here right now. -I might go straight for the vodka to be honest.
[David] Hey, who put candy and vodka in the pods.
I asked for Adderall and White Claw.
I have Adderall.
-Can I have some? -Hey... no. Uh... hang on.
You have some? We can put 'em in there? All right.
Okay, as long as Junkie Jill here can wait a few minutes without jiggin' out. Jesus.
Get a PA in here.
You know what? I make the best Italian beef.
[loud chewing]
No, Jessica, I make the best Italian beef.
Yum.
Relax. After.
There's only enough for two people.
-Rick? -I'm vegan.
Obviously you're a burn-out vegan that sells CBD oil at the mall.
All right, gotta get out of here. Oh, legs are asleep.