(upbeat sting)
- [Announcer] From West Hollywood, California,
the only news team that doesn't know
what's on the teleprompter before they read it.
Anyone who laughs or breaks loses points.
This is Breaking News.
- Welcome to Breaking News,
the news show where we don't know what we're about to say,
and we aren't allowed to smile or laugh.
I'm Stephanie Meat.
- And I'm Daddy (laughs)
(everyone laughing)
Tonight we'll be investigating a slew of home break-ins
on Maple Lane, and why I smell like piss today.
- It's because I pissed on your suit.
In other news, local eight year old Jessica Nodad
won the local Miss Bumblebee Girlboss Pangeant.
She now moves on to the state competition,
where she will be competing against 12 other little idiots.
- Now, Stephanie, I don't know
if you can call them that.
- Sorry, 12 other idiots. - Thank you.
(hosts laughing) In local sports news,
the Cabin John High School football team
beat their rivals the Damascus (bleep) 2-0.
You might be thinking that 2-0
sounds like an unusual score for football,
but remember, football is stupid.
A touchdown is worth six points because (bleep)
- I have to interrupt you there, Daddy,
we've got breaking traffic news coming in.
For that, we turn to our traffic reporter, Wet Daniel.
Wet?
- A terrible scene here downtown.
A truck full of maple syrup crashed into a vet clinic
on Sunset and Diane Lane.
Drivers are being told to avoid the area
unless they wanna' see a bunch of sticky lizards
and icky gizzards, fickly drizards,
and straight up dead dogs.
We have reason to believe
the truck driver was distracted at the time of the incident.
Yelping for the wettest soups in the area.
We'd recommend taking the long way around.
Take I-95 north and just keep going.
Just drive and drive.
Find a new town.
Settle down there.
Don't come back until your kids are grown.
Or, if that's too long, you coward,
you can always take my shortcut,
Tokyo drifting on the sidewalk.
Back to you, Daddy.
- Thanks Wet, sounds dangerous,
but I gotta say, Wet's always early
and blood can be cleaned off your fender.
- Great stuff.
Well, it's summer, and that means
beating the heat in movie theater air conditioning.
- Movie theaters, a winning combination
of uncomfortable seats, expensive snacks,
and freezing cold temperatures.
- Our film critic Buzz Aldrin
sat down with a local filmmaker
to hear about the production scene around town.
- Thanks, guys.
I'm film critic Buzz Aldrin.
I was the second person to walk on the moon,
but let's not get bogged down in that.
I'm here with Mary-Ellen Blankets,
who just made her first movie right here in town.
- Thank you for having me.
- Your movie is called ABBAtar,
and it used the music of ABBA to tell a story
about a distant planet filled with unobtanium mines.
- Yep.
- Tell us about the plot.
- Well, it's easy.
First of all, there's only,
anybody who knows ABBA,
you know about it,
so they're, I don't need to explain it,
but basically, they're a couple different,
okay, so, we, you, like.
- Something here.
- Yeah, so you know,
all your favorites will be there.
It's gonna' be, it's gonna' be great.
(everyone laughing)
- When you say all your favorites,
do you mean members from ABBA or songs by ABBA?
- Both!
Most of the cast is, and was, members of ABBA.
We got a great location to shoot, and we shot it.
- That's mostly what the movie viewers are looking for.
- And we shot it all there. - Great.
Well great, that's fabulous.
Now, George Clooney is in this movie.
Tell us about all the pranks he pulled on set.
- Oh my gosh, he did this one prank
where he wouldn't come out of his trailer.
It was so funny, we all kept laughing.
I wasn't there for that, but I heard about it,
I heard that it was really funny.
And they were all doing fun stuff like that.
- Sorry, when you said
they were all doing fun stuff like that
but you weren't there,
that implies that other people
were having fun pulling pranks
but you were not there?
- That's, yep.
- So as I said, I'm astronaut Buzz Aldrin,
and on a personal note I'd like to know,
how Earth's moon plays into this film.
- Well, Earth's moon is actually,
it's sort of, it's around,
but it's not, like, affecting the plot.
In a way that's real or hard.
Like, it's like, the Earth's moon is like there.
(everyone laughing)
The Earth's moon is there, and you can see it.
Like, when you watch, when you watch it at the beginning,
you can see the Earth's moon is there
but it's not affecting the plot in a hard way.
- So in a way it's almost like the moon is right now,
where it just exists in the world,
but it doesn't have a whole lot of effect
on our day to day lives.
- Yeah, but it has a character name.
The Earth's moon's character,
it has like a name in my movie,
whereas, like we just call it moon,
cause it's a moon.
But in my movie we call it David.
- Very good, well if you gave the moon lines,
what would they be?
- Hey, I'm here too.
- So to be clear, the moon as a character-
- Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me,
I have a question about the traffic
going to and from set.
- By all means.
- Was it bad?
- Damn it, Wet, you interrupt Mary-Ellen Blankets
with, was it bad?
What's wrong with you?
- I want to do more than traffic!
Traffic is boring.
- One of these days, Wet.
Pow, straight to the moon. - Or David!
- Where I've been, or David.
- I actually have an interesting story about traffic.
- Oh, well, if it's interesting, then by all means.
- Basically, I was in my car,
and I was driving, and there were cars
in front of me and behind me.
And people were going everywhere, like.
Do you ever, 'cause sometimes
I just think it's so interesting how, like,
I look at traffic, and I'm like,
people are going everywhere.
- Yeah.
- People are always going everywhere.
- That is interesting. - So.
- That was interesting!
(hosts laughing)
- That's it for us, but before we go
we'd like to acknowledge this week's loser.
Jess.
Stephanie Meat.
Thanks for watching!
- I wanna' hear more about that traffic story!
- Well, everybody goes everywhere, if you think about it.
- I wanna' hear more lines from the moon.
- [Announcer] Like what you just saw?
Of course you do, you're an informed citizen.
Well guess what?
10 more episodes of Breaking News
will be available for you, exclusively on DROPOUT.
Go to dropout.tv and start your free trial today.
(host laughing)