- So, is every sexual experience an orgy?
(laughing)
Yes, I'm so exhausted.
- No, do you know how hard it is to plan an orgy?
- And orgies are not that common.
I've been to one, and most of the time I spent there
was in the corner eating Oreos.
Why isn't one person enough?
By that logic, you should only have to have one friend.
- I have friends who I'm just Facebook friends with,
and friends who I would pick up from jail.
It's not that one person isn't enough,
it's that lots of people fascinate me.
- What's the difference between poly and cheating?
- The difference between poly and cheating is that
cheating is a violation of the relationship.
- Polyamory is all about consensual
discussion, being on the same page.
- You make out with somebody else, that's part of the deal.
- It's not about betrayal. It couldn't be any different.
- Is it due to your religion?
You're thinking of polygamy.
- Does it bother you that some people don't know
the difference between polyamory and polygamy?
Most definitely that bothers me.
Polygamy for the most part, one, is more of a legal term,
two, is more linked to religion.
It's more about the man and some subservient women.
Polyamory is egalitarian, everyone has a voice.
- What's the biggest tool to help polyamory work?
- Communication. - Being honest.
You have to talk about what you think, how you feel.
- Love and compassion comes first.
Is non-monogamy normal?
I think maybe the question really is, is monogamy normal?
We can choose to be monogamous,
just like we can choose to be vegetarian,
but as Dr. Ryan says, that doesn't mean
the bacon won't still smell good.
It's okay to be non-monogamous as you long as you
do it in an ethical way that doesn't betray anyone.
Oh, how do you deal with jealousy?
- In seriousness, jealousy is something we all deal with.
We're jealous of people in our industries,
sometimes we're jealous of people in our family,
but for some reason we consider sexual jealousy
to be this insurmountable problem, and it's not.
- Another thing that can help with jealousy is
meeting any of your partner's potential partners.
We blow up in our mind what they're like.
We think that they're a supermodel,
or they're somebody that's out to get us.
- I want great experiences for my partner,
and if that includes a different lover,
then I'm okay with that.
- Does it bother you that people just don't understand?
I am a bisexual, plus-sized, nightclub entertainer
who grew up with two moms in Texas.
I find it's best not to worry what other people think.
- Do you have any advice for young polyamorous people?
My advice is to be honest, no matter what.
Don't pretend to be chill with things you're not chill with
just because you want to be "cool" poly.
- Reach out to different resources
and just educate yourself.
Take your instincts past just what you think is right,
and really listen to people who have
done this for a long time.
- Figure out who you are, and stay true to it.
Don't try to change, and don't try to change other people.