and age, and that's hard.
That's hard.
I have an 11-year-old son.
He's an asshole.
Don't clap.
A lot of people look at me like, how you going
to call your son an asshole?
Uh, because he is.
I'm gong to prove to you my son is an asshole.
Apparently, she knows him.
She clapped.
You heard that?
I'm going to prove to you he's an asshole.
My son is 11 years old.
He's in the fourth grade.
His brother is in the fifth.
He's a twin.
Asshole.
You hear what I'm saying?
And I didn't believe he was as bad as people said he was.
I didn't believe it when the teachers was calling.
I never believed that he was as bad as he said he was.
And I appreciate the teachers.
I feel like they're underpaid and under-appreciated.
They are.
And she would call me.
If there are any teachers in the building,
I'm going to speak to you from a parent's point of view.
Do me a favor, please, stop calling us, OK?
Please.
Don't call us, calling us, like, woo, oh, my god,
your son is acting irate.
Would you like to talk to him?
Uh, no, no the hell I would not like to talk to him.
He is your son until 3:30.
Goodbye.
I mean, you knew what you were signing up for.
Come on, now, I ain't got no time.
I crept up to the school to check on my son one time.
I crept up.
I was like, he can't be as bad as they say he is.
He can't be.
So I crept up to school to check on him.
And I looked in the mirror like in a little glass,
and you know, they never have a big piece
of glass you can look in.
They always have that little, small piece of glass, right?
You can't even see the whole damn classroom.
You got to turn your body to the side.
And when I look in the classroom,
you know what I see my son doing?
My son is in the front of the classroom hitting the nay nay.
He is just in there.
He killing the nay nay.
Ain't no music.
He the background dancer and the DJ.
Oh, I was so mad.
I busted in the room.
I said, oh, when we get home, I'm gone whip your ass.
Yeah.
Oh, I'm I'm gone whip that ass when we get home.
Teachers be so excited to see you when
you sneak up to the school.
She looked at me like, oh, my god.
Would you look who it is?
Come on, Mr. Murph, have a seat.
Acting like it's a game show, come on down!
I go in the classroom.
I go to the back of the class.
I'm sitting down, and I'm pissed off.
Oh, I am hot.
I am mad, not because he acting up,
but because I'm sitting in this child-size desk,
and I fit in this motherfucker.
Oh, man, I'm talking about I got room and everything.
I mean, my knees not hitting the plastic or nothing.
I'm just-- all the kids looking at me,
like, who the transfer student in the back with the beard.
Who is that?
I'm so pissed off.
I was so pissed off.
I'm sitting back there.
He's showing out.
He raising his hand trying to answer questions.
And I'm getting upset in the back.
I'm, like, you didn't know this at home.
Put your hand down.
But in his mind, she never picked on him.
So she ain't going to pick on you.
But guess what?
Today your father is in the classroom.
So now he got his hand up, and she reached over there.
She was, like, go ahead, Mr. Jackson.
And he's, like, ohhh.
Waa!
He get to looking back at me.
I say, you better not mess up.
Now, he in the front struggling.
Now he flipping through his book.
It's a science book.
It's a math question.
Now one thing I know about students when they acting up,
right, what teachers do is they separate them
from the rest of the class.
So they either put the prouder students in the front
of the class or either side--
on either side of the front of the class just to make sure
they keep their attention.
Or if you can't play well with other students,
they segregate you, and they put you in the back of the class.
And there was the little girl.
She was so far in the back, I knew she had to have a problem,
because while my son is struggling up there,
all you see her in the back doing and going is ahhhh!
Ahhhh!
And I'm looking, like, uh, what the hell wrong with her?
No, because I'm, like, you know, I will fight a kid, OK?
I will kick a kid ass.
I am 5' 4" and a quarter.
I am kid height.