Even the most empathetic and understanding personality types have negative emotions they’re
not proud of..and INFJs are no exception.
In fact, not only are INFJs not proud of their angry side, but they actually can end up feeling
seriously shameful and guilty when their dark side emerges.
Welcome or welcome back PSYCH-Os!
Today’s video is all about exactly that..why INFJs fear their angry side.
Before we get into it, we’d love it if you liked and subscribe to our channel, as well
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Number 1: They repress it, never knowing when it’ll pop back up
Let’s start off by talking a little bit about the INFJ’s secondary function, extroverted
feeling.
Extroverted feeling makes it so that INFJs can easily feel and even experience the emotions
of others.
However, in return, they’re not as able to really know what they’re feeling themselves.
And so, intense emotions like anger and depression that are triggered through life experiences
often get buried deep within their subconscious to be dealt with at a later date.
At the moment, INFJs can’t focus on their own emotions because they’re too busy calculating
other people's.
Yet, the confusing thing is that these undealt-with emotions and subconscious grudges pop up when
they least expect it, often at the most inconvenient of times.
And when they do come up, INFJs don’t need to know how to deal with them because they
get dealt with whether they like it or not.
Number 2: Anger makes them feel ashamed Whether an INFJs anger is triggered in a ‘straw
that broke the camel's back’ kind of way, where they end up unleashing every single
observed issue they have with an individual.
Or it pops up when they’re alone and mentally analyzing a past experience or current area
of their life..
INFJs hate feeling angry and usually end up feeling pretty embarrassed and guilty once
they’ve come back to sorts.
It’s difficult for INFJs to accept anger as part of their identity due to their deep
empathetic nature.
It’s as if INFJs see people’s inner child making it so that no matter what someone does,
INFJs can understand the lack of knowledge, uncontrolled emotions, or curiosities that
led to the supposed anger-inducing situation or action.
And so, when INFJ’s feelings of anger get the best of them, they end up seriously self-criticizing
about the sheer irrationality behind their approach.
Number 3: Sometimes it’s uncalled for
Sensitive to criticisms and defensive when being pushed outside their comfort zones against
their own accord, the INFJ’s most regrettable bouts of anger are rooted in self-protection.
Deep down, INFJs really don’t like being challenged for the way they do things in life.
They’re highly self-aware in analyzing what it is they do and don’t want, and although
they’re open to others opinions, it’s not to say they’ll take other people’s
advice.
And because of that, INFJs can come off as rather stubborn, disinterested or even noticeably
annoyed at the people who are continuously pushing them to do something different.
Contradictingly, this advocate type is known for critiquing and encouraging others to leave
their comfort zones because they can see the potential other people hold.
So, they know most people’s pieces of constructive criticism and perceived motivation is based
out of love just as their own advice to others is.
And so, sometimes this seemingly uncalled for irritation makes the INFJ feel even worse
about themselves and their reactions.
Number 4: They don’t believe anger is the answer
Despite natural human emotion that arises despite our best conscious efforts, INFJs
never think resorting to anger is the logical answer.
They’re extremely understanding, and even if they strongly disapprove of something,
they much rather avoid conflict than get wrapped up in the underlying negativity behind it.
In fact, not only does this stem from their highly sensitive and empathetic personalities
but the INFJ genuinely sees visible or verbal anger as a sign of emotional weakness.
It takes a lot of self control to not show anger, but even more so to understand the
underlying emotions behind someone else’s rage.
However, this is not to say INFJs are perfect, they are only human like the rest of us.
Of course they know anger and have expressed anger themselves, but each and every time
they regret it and end up spending hours calculating how many other more beneficial approaches
they could’ve taken.
The older and more experienced an INFJ gets, the less likely they are to get to the point
of feeling true anger.
Number 5: Their over-analysis of anger can easily lead to resentment
One thing every INFJ does once they’re alone in their thoughts after a fit of anger is
analyze from every possible angle.
They’ll replay the same scenario dozens of times, inputting all the different possible
outcomes, reasonings and mistakenly perceived components in order to get a full picture
into what it is that really happened.
Luckily, with this logical reasoning and observation they can usually come to a fair and concise
explanation and plan to go forward.
However, that’s not always the case.
In fact, even if it’s just a small situation that makes the INFJ uncomfortable, they can
end up getting angry when they keep thinking about the problem and can’t resolve it.
Specifically when it’s from a relationship or friendship standpoint, the more an INFJ
thinks about how the other person hurts them, the angrier they get.
This over-analysis of a person or a situation can make them trapped in resentment and anger
for a long time, especially if it has to do with betrayal, being manipulated or lied to.
But above all, when INFJs come to the conclusion that their kindness has been abused, there’s
no going back.
Number 6: They’ll cut people out and isolate as a last saving grace
Whether an INFJ senses that their anger is soon to erupt or that they may show any negative
emotion whatsoever, the first thing they do is remove themselves from the situation.
Not only do they want to save themselves from impulsive reactions that they’ll later regret,
but INFJs naturally have a hard time expressing their emotions in front of others.
This doesn’t change when it comes to anger, in fact, to some degree, INFJs are afraid
to let other people know when they’re angry at them.
So, instead of communicating, sometimes INFJs rather isolate and go through the motions
of their anger on their own.
From this outside, this withdrawal usually looks like the silent treatment or maybe even
a door slam in severe cases, when in reality this introspective type is just trying to
figure out what it is they’re feeling and if it’s worth a future discussion or not.
Unfortunately in this time of contemplation, INFJs can become rather cold compared to their
usual compassionate selves.
Number 7: They don’t get around to actually solving the problem
Anger is a natural human emotion that acts to alert us when something crosses our own
boundaries, morals and beliefs.
It’s there to let us know as humans when and if something needs to be changed in our
lives.
Whether it be within certain relationships, job positions or self habits, anger is usually
rooted in the lack of boundaries that needs to be set.
For an INFJ specifically, this couldn’t be more true.
However, with conflict-avoidance and a tendency to withdraw, sometimes this peace-keeping
personality type never gets around to confronting the cause of their negative emotions.
In fact, they can be so focused on analyzing the uncomfortable emotions they’re feeling
that they forget to analyze the reason they’re feeling them in the first place.
These unmet desires and needs ultimately snowball into bigger issues that they end up door-slamming
from their lives instead of nipping it in the but when they had the chance.
Which brings us to our last point..
Number 8: The inevitable door slam
While the INFJ door slam is rarely an impulsive decision, sometimes a spell of anger can make
it happen.
If an INFJ brushes their issues with someone or something under the carpet for too long,
they may be surprised when they act on their door-slamming ways seemingly out of the blue.
They can end up shutting someone out entirely not because that was their original intention,
but because they’re so embarrassed that they weren’t able to communicate their feelings
when it was appropriate to do so.
Whether it would cause them too much pain to open that door back up or they sincerely
feel too shameful that they were wrong to slam the door in the first place, this misplaced
anger can end up falling back on them when they realize they could’ve easily taken
another route if they had first gotten a grasp on their negative emotions.
Well PSYCH-Os, that’s it for today’s video..
So, as an INFJ, tell us of a time in the comments below where you seriously feared your angry
side.
Also, make sure to leave us a like, share with your friends and also subscribe to our
channel so that you never miss a video!