- This isn't investigation, this isn't deduction.
There's mold on this bread.
- You, uh, - Nervous, he's floundering,
I got 'em! He did it!
Hi I'm John, I'm a private investigator.
I've been doing this for about three years.
I've been involved in a lot of big cases,
major cases, criminal, civil,
you name it, I've seen it.
It's a dark world out there
and today I'm going to try and deduce
who ate my sandwich.
(mischievous music)
hi, Blake.
- Oh, man.
- It's been too long, my friend.
There's some mold on this bread.
- It's your sandwich.
- All right, well you and I know each other, right?
- Oh, yeah.
- Okay, why don't you come and join me?
(sighs)
How are you?
- I'm good, how are you?
- I'm fine.
Tell me your name again.
- Bekki.
- Bekki. I know where you work and I know what you do,
so (laughs)
- Well that's good.
- What did you have for breakfast today?
- Coffee.
- With what?
- Sweetened condensed milk.
- Is that better than--
- It's the best, you should try it.
- Why?
- Because it adds a little sweetness,
it makes your coffee extra creamy.
- So no solid food today for you?
- Not yet.
Besides your lunch, of course.
- And now the game begins.
You know, people who haven't eaten my lunch
say they ate my lunch.
- Why would I lie to you? - People who have
eaten my lunch say they ate my lunch just to throw me off.
Really, we get into the showdown here,
the mental chest match.
This isn't investigation, this isn't deduction.
This is a circus trick and I'm the elephant.
Where do you live? - Hollywood.
- All right, you live in Hollywood, where are you from?
- Originally Phoenix.
- Oh, yes. Okay.
What's your favorite sandwich?
- Grilled cheese.
- Mhmm, mhmm.
Warm?
- Preferably.
Cold grilled cheese doesn't quite have the same
melt right there. - I was gonna talk
about consistency. You said melt factor.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
There's a creaminess to grilled cheese.
- There's a theme here. I like creamy foods.
Creamy coffee-- - I'm the detective.
- Just trying to help, Jesus.
- Allow me to shine here a little bit.
Yeah, I was gonna--
yeah, so you like certain mouthfeel.
- Yeah.
- At least so far in your comfort foods.
Well, what's your favorite dessert?
- Ice cream.
- Favorite flavor of ice cream?
- Oh, vanilla.
Why is that weird?
You can do anything with it.
It's endless possibilities.
- So you dress it up?
- Yeah.
- With what?
- Sometimes chocolate syrup,
sometimes cayenne pepper.
- Kanye?
- Cayenne pepper. Sometimes Kanye West.
- Yeah, cayenne pepper?
- Yeah, cayenne pepper, preferably.
- Why is--
that's not weird!
- It's a little. It's unusual.
- Look, I'm not here to invite you out for dessert.
- Valid. I'm also not here to cast judgment
so I shouldn't say the word "weird"
but it's unusual.
- Cayenne pepper? - [Bekki] Mhmm.
- I thought I was pushing boundaries
when I was gonna ask you if you've ever done
like honey-roasted peanuts.
- Oh, I'm not a big peanut fan.
- Because of the consistency?
- They're a little crunchy for my taste, it's true.
- Mhmm. Not a fan of peanuts.
This is creamy peanut butter, though.
Okay, where did you go to college?
- Arizona State.
- Yeah, I know you went to
grad school or
law school. - Law school, yeah.
- Can we say that? Where'd you go to law school?
- Southwestern.
- Where's that?
- It's on the edge of downtown LA.
- Okay, I think I'm done for now, Bekki.
Thank you for your time.
- Any time, I'm always here if you need me.
- Uh, would you join me please?
- Sure.
- What's your name?
- My name's Matt.
- Where are you from? - I'm from
Southern California.
- Okay, what part?
- Chino Hills, it's near like, the Carmona area
if you're familiar with that. - Okay.
So greater Los Angeles metro area?
- Kind of. A little bit outside that.
- Where do you live now?
- Studio City.
- Okay, what do you do for a living?
- I work in post-production.
- Where? - Here.
- What's your favorite sandwich?
- I like ham, pretty simple, but I like ham.
- What about pastrami?
- Yeah, it's good, too.
Most meats I'm fine with.
- Okay, anything you're not fine with?
- I mean, there's turkey.
Like, I don't hate turkey but it's a little bit,
I prefer not to have it.
- So you like maybe some of the more salted, cured meats?
- Yeah.
- Somewhere on the salami spectrum.
- Yeah, is that like an official,
like things like Scoville units
where it's like a known food thing?
- Probably not. It should be.
Maybe Buzzfeed can give me a new spin-off series
where I talk about sandwich meats.
- I'd watch it.
(twinkling sound)
- All right, you're a ham man.
Not exactly anti-turkey, but not exactly vibing turkey.
- Yeah.
- Which, frankly, I feel you.
What do you put on your sandwiches?
- Ham, egg, tomatoes, olives, cucumbers,
not a whole lot.
We just don't have condiments or anything like that.
- Interesting. No mustard.
- I don't really like mustard, no.
Is that shocking?
- I love mustard.
- I'm sorry to
try to do this to you.
- Hey, it's not weird,
it's unusual, okay.
- Okay.
- Well, I'm not even gonna offend you
by asking about mayonnaise, 'cause--
let's forget I even brought it up.
Okay, so but interesting.
So olives and cucumbers,
that actually sounds pretty incredible.
A ham sandwich with olives, cucumbers, and tomato,
that sounds interesting.
- Yeah.
- What's your favorite movie?
- "Star Wars". - Episode IV?
- Mhmm.
- Okay, what's your favorite comedy?
"Star Wars Episode I", right?
- Mhmm.
- Wait, top five.
- So let's say "Star Wars" is number one.
Can I group the "Star Wars" as a franchise,
'cause I'm sure I like more than one "Star Wars" movie.
I like the "Dark Knight", "Inception"
with Christopher Nolan. That's three.
- I don't know, I like law movies.
- Okay. How long have you been living in Studio City?
- About eight months?
- Okay.
What did you have for breakfast?
- Cereal, it was like Cheerios.
- Where?
- At my place.
- What kind of milk do you use?
- Two percent.
What's that face supposed to mean?
- It wasn't sweetened condensed.
Do you drink coffee?
- I do not.
- That's weird. Do you drink tea?
- Not really.
- So you have no morning beverage routine?
- I mostly drink water.
- I guess that's healthy.
- All right Matt, I think I'm good for now with you.
Thank you for your time.
- Wonderful talk.
- Why don't you join me, please?
What's your name?
- Austin.
- Austin? - Mhmm.
- Hi. - Hello.
Did you eat that?
- Yeah.
I was pretty hungry.
- Where are you from?
- I'd say Torrance, Gardena.
- Where do you live now?
- Crenshaw.
- Okay, like south of the town?
- Yeah.
- West Adams?
- Yeah, yeah, around that area.
- Okay, how long have you lived there?
- About a year and a half. Almost two years, actually.
- Okay, what do you do for a living?
- I'm a case assistant.
I work part-time at a law firm.
- What law firm?
- Bowman and Brooke.
- Are they downtown?
- No, they're actually in Torrance.
- Okay. What's their break room like?
- It's got a coffee machine,
couple of sinks.
I usually don't go out there that often, honestly.
I eat in my desk a lot.
- Packed lunch? - Yeah.
- What do you eat?
- Sometimes Chinese food, pizza,
whatever's left over.
- What's your favorite dessert?
- Mochi.
- What's mochi?
- It's like a pounded rice cake.
I like the really sweetened kind.
- I've heard of it,
I don't know what it is.
- Yeah.
Like, if you imagine a large fruit snack
made out of rice instead
but it doesn't even taste like rice.
- I'm sorry, a fruit snack
made out of rice? - Yeah, like
consistency and chewiness.
- Wild. What's your favorite movie?
What's your favorite TV show?
- "The Good Place" right now.
- That's funny as hell, right? - Yeah.
- Everyone says it's funny. - Yeah.
- Who's your favorite actor?
- One of them is Alan Arkin
so I'm recently in the Kominsky Method.
- Alan Arkin. - Arkin.
- The old man,
the patriarch of the Arkins.
- Yeah, I think so, yeah.
- Interesting. Alan Arkin, nice.
What's your favorite fruit?
- Peaches.
- Go for a peach.
All right Austin,
I think I'm done for now.
Thank you for your time.
- Thank you.
- Thank you for the education on mochi.
- Oh yes.
Thank you for the sandwich.
- All right.
All right, man.
- Don't be too excited, man.
(laughs)
- Blake, right?
- Yup.
- Where are you from? - I'm from--
- Seattle. - No.
- Washington? - No.
I'm from a little town outside of Houston, Texas.
- Oh, shoot!
- I got my tattoo in Seattle.
- I knew it. - You gotta stop
using old video's information. - I knew it.
Hey, that's casework, man.
And now, Blake.
I almost wrote down "Brett."
I'm sorry.
Little town outside Houston.
- (murmurs)
- Did you go to undergrad?
- Yeah, I don't think you meant--
yeah, I went to-- - He's nervous,
he's floundering, I got 'em! He did it!
What? - A&M in U of H.
- Texas A&M?
- Yeah.
- Okay, that a university in Houston?
- Yeah.
- What's your favorite food?
- A hamburger or something, like a good hamburger.
Like a cookout hamburger's probably the best.
- Cheese?
- Definitely cheese.
- Definitely cheese. - Definitely cheese.
A little layer of lettuce, maybe some pickles,
ketchup, only ketchup, and then that's it.
- Ah, no mustard?
- No mustard.
No mustard on anything ever.
- Anti-mustard?
- Anti-mustard completely.
- All right, disagreed but gotta respect it.
This is America.
Let me ask you this: do you toast the bun?
- I mean, if you're the cook,
if you're making it, yup.
- That's never really been my thing.
- You don't toast the bun?
- I don't dig the toast.
I mean, a little bit is fine.
- The question: do you do a sesame seed bun
or do you do like, a "no sesame seeds"?
- I guess if I had a choice, I'd probably pick sesame seed.
- 'Cause when you toast the sesame seed bun,
it's like it's weird.
- I just don't think it's necessary.
It's like a little toastiness, fine.
But then not many people know how to actually pull that off.
- I don't know, however you toasted your sandwich though
was fantastic.
Did you make this?
- Good misdirect.
Does it look like I made that?
- I just, I want the recipe.
It's really good.
- What's your favorite movie?
- I'm actually gonna have to go with "My Cousin Vinny".
- I haven't seen it, actually.
- You've never seen "My Cousin Vinny"?
- No. - Dude,
you're totally missing out.
- That's what I hear.
I wrote it down.
That one's for me. (laughs)
Favorite dessert?
- I'm not really a dessert person.
I like candy and stuff, I don't like,
like pastries all the time
so I don't really go dessert
but I would say probably just like a red velvet cake
or something like that.
- Oh, okay. What's your favorite candy?
- They used to be called Shock Tarts
but now they're called Sweetarts Sour Chews.
Yeah, I don't know why they changed that
but it's just rebranding.
- Shock Tarts.
Probably after the Iraq war.
(cricket sounds)
- I can't let you have that one.
(laughs)
Do you have any milk to go with this, actually?
- I don't know, ask Bekki.
Food, movies,
what other legitimate investigative tactics
could I use here?
Do you have any food allergies?
- You know what,
I didn't think I did for the longest time
and then like, I moved here a year ago
and I drive, I was eating like, road trip food
and I got a box of Nerds which is another type of candy
I love.
And I started breaking out hives.
- From the Nerds?
- From the Nerds.
- So what are you allergic to? The sugar?
- I don't know, I think it must be a dye or something.
- Yeah, something they color it with, yeah.
Nerds are gross, man.
- What, really?
- It's just, it's nothing but sugar.
There's no style, there's no identity to Nerds.
It's just the scraps that they scrape off the floor
of the factory and throw in a box, man.
- Well maybe it's like a childhood thing.
- Okay Blake, I think I'm good for now, thank you.
There's only four.
So Matt and Blake both are strongly anti-mustard
which doesn't really matter but
I find interesting.
I gotta be honest, I like Matt.
I love his opinions on sandwich meat
and as far as sandwich dressings,
he's given me something to really think about.
He works in post-production, I can't trust him.
Austin works for a law firm.
He's gotta keep his nose clean.
Then again, clean cut.
Pleasant, unassuming, those are the sociopaths.
Still don't know what the hell mochi are.
Blake,
I mean, I'm blinded by my heart here.
I wanna believe that Blake wouldn't do that to his boy
but he's ruthless, man.
- I'm hungry.
- Those Texans, they take what they want.
I can't draw
much information
off of this
bite.
Bekki, she's a lawyer
so she would know how to obfuscate the truth.
Also went to ASU.
Obviously hedonist.
I'm gonna write down "hedonist."
Bekki, would you join me again?
- Yes.
How come you never ask me what my favorite movie is?
- What is your favorite movie?
- Either "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" or "Empire Records".
- Oh, okay.
Any other questions you'd like me to ask you?
- No, I just felt excluded.
- Okay.
I think in the past, I've asked you
who your favorite band is
or I know we've talked about music.
- We've talked about music.
You've asked me who I've seen
but never who my favorite band is.
- Oh, who is your favorite band?
- That's a complicated question.
- Do you have any allergies?
- I mean in general, yeah.
But mostly to like,
environmental stuff.
- Yeah, yeah. Okay.
How long have you lived in California?
- Seven and a half years.
- Oh, 'cause you went to school out here too, right?
- Mhmm. - Okay.
How lnog have you worked for Buzzfeed?
- Two and a half years.
- Do you work on site here?
- Yeah. - Okay.
- He's very good
jam to peanut butter ratio.
- Best peanut butter and jelly I ever had.
- Needs more ham.
(laughs)
- Also, if you're curious, I like mustard.
- Can I see your hands?
I think I got all I need.
Thank you.
(chair scraping)
Got to stop doing this.
I'm miserable.
All right, look.
I don't know, okay.
I have a couple suspicions.
The questions were useless.
It was nice to get to know these people.
I mean, my reputation's on the line.
You know, I see the YouTube comments.
I know what people expect out of me.
They think I'm this genius
that just is never wrong.
That's a lot of pressure.
I'm a great man.
I do a lot of great things
but I'm not perfect.
But
I think maybe Bekki
ate my sandwich.
(drum rolling)
- I definitely ate your sandwich.
- Of course you did.
- It's the highlight of my week.
- [John] I am so sorry for you
but anyway, congratulations.
You had me.
You've got the eyes of a panther.
It's tough to face you down.
Down here in the trenches,
it's difficult.
So we're fine, frankly.
It's terrifying.
I mean, the big thing is,
I mean it's not a big thing, it's meaningless.
But it was the only thing I kind of latched on to
is that Bekki kept talking about things that were like,
creamy or sort of like savory.
She struck me as a type of person who would enjoy
what appears to be a non-crunchy peanut butter
and jelly sandwich.
Believe it or not,
I really was trying to pull some sort of evidence
off of this bite mark.
I was looking for lipstick.
I lied about the mold because I wanted to see
anybody's reaction.
There was no reaction.
You've all got great poker faces.
You know, look. I'm not a forensic pathologist
but I was trying to get a look at everybody's mouth
and how their teeth were shaped
and not only overbite versus underbite
or like you know, how their teeth matched up
but also how their teeth were like,
arrayed in a certain way.
And this is almost a perfect--
anyway.
I guess I know the shape of Bekki's mouth
because that was one of my major influencers as well.
- My dentist is going to be so happy to see this.
- Yeah, no, it's a good mouth
but yeah,
it's a telltale giveaway.
Or maybe I'm just that good, I don't know.
But that's what I was thinking.
It was hard!
Look, it's a toss-up, man.
It's a one out of four toss-up.
But I got it, I got it right.
I was right.
(clapping sounds)
("Pomp and Circumstance March No. 1")