LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOU KNOW MY FIRST GUEST AS KATE
FROM THE HIT SHOW "THIS IS US."
SHE'S ALSO WRITTEN A BOOK CALLED "THIS IS ME."
PLEASE WELCOME, CHRISSY METZ!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING )
>> YEA!
>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE SHOW.
>> THANK YOU.
I FEEL VERY FANCY TO BE HERE.
>> Stephen: WHAT DID YOU SAY?
I FEEL VERY FANCY TO BE HERE.
>> Stephen: WELL, YOU ARE A FANCY PERSON.
YOU'RE A BIG STAR OF A HIT TV SHOW.
WHAT COULD BE FANCIER?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
I'M VERY GRATEFUL.
>> Stephen: BUT YOU WEREN'T ALWAYS AS FANCY AS NOW.
>> NO.
>> Stephen: YOUR START IN SHOWBIZ WAS HELPING OTHER PEOPLE
TURN INTO FANCY PEOPLE BECAUSE YOU WERE AN AGENT?
>> A TALENT AGENT FOR NINE YEARS IS THAT THAT'S A LONG TIME TO BE
IN THE TRENCHES.
>> UH-HUH.
>> Stephen: HOW DO YOU GET SOMEBODY A JOB?
I'VE HAD AGENTS, I'VE HAD THE SAME AGENT FOR OVER 20 YEARS, AS
FAR AS I CAN TELL, IT INVOLVES A LOT OF SMOKING AND SAYING
"LISTEN, BABY "-- .
>> YES.
>> Stephen: SO WHERE DID YOU WORK.
>> TWO PRETTY BIG FIRMS IN LOS ANGELES.
BUCKWALD AND ABRAMS, WHICH WERE GREAT PLACE TO LEARN A LOT.
BUT I SAID, I AM NOT AN AGENT.
FOR ME, IT'S LIKE YOU GET A LOT OF BEES WITH HONEY AND NOT
VINEGAR AND SOMETIMES THEY EXPECT YOU TO HAVE THE VINEGAR.
AND I WAS, LIKE, I CAN'T BE SASSY AND BRATTY AND MEAN AND
AGGRESSIVE.
>> Stephen: WHO YOU SUPPOSED TO BE SASSY AND BRATTY AND
AGGRESSIVE TO?
>> WHEN, YOU HAVE TO BE MEAN WHRKS YOU'RE --
>> Stephen: OH, OBVIOUSLY NOT YOUR CLIENTS.
( LAUGHTER ) YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO WORK!
>> NO, I REPRESENTED THE UNDERDOG, PEOPLE WHO WEREN'T
GOING TO MAKE MONEY OVERNIGHT.
I BELIEVED IN THEM, SO I HAD TO GET CLEVER AND CRAFT.
A DEAR FRIEND, EVAN COOPER, I SAID, HE'S THE LOVE CHILD OF JIM
CARREY AND EDWARD NORTON.
AND THEY'RE, LIKE, WOW...
OKAY, WE'LL SEE HIM.
WHAT A RANGE.
>> Stephen: SURE, SURE, YEAH.
LIKE YOU HOW GARY OLDMAN AND BOB SAGET, RIGHT?
YOU GOT AN EDGE, YOU GOT SOME FUNNY, YOU'RE HANDSOME, RIGHT?
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: YOU COULD SEE ME
RAISING ABADORABLE GIRL WITH TWO OTHER GUYS?
>> YES, YES.
>> Stephen: ALSO BEING DRACULA ON THE SLY.
>> RIGHT.
>> Stephen: DID YOU WORK -- I HEAR YOU WORK WITH KIDS.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: WAS IT HARD TO REPRESENT CHILDREN?
>> YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT THAT IT'S HARD TO REPRESENT THE CHILDREN.
IT'S REALLY THE MOMAGERS, AS PEOPLE CALL THEM.
GOD BLESS THEM, THEY REALLY WANT THEIR KIDS TO DO WELL BUT
SOMETIMES THEY LIVE VICARIOUSLY THROUGH THE CHILDREN.
ONE LITTLE BOY CAME IN AND SAID, I DON'T REALLY WANT TO BE AN
ACTOR AND AUDITION BUT MY MOM SAID IF I DO I GET A TOY FROM
TARGET.
I SAID, OKAY, YOU WANT TO DO THE MONOLOGUE?
HE SAID, YEAH, I'LL DO IT.
AND I SAID, GREAT, DO IT AND WE'LL TELL YOUR MOM YOU DID IT
AND YOU GET A TOY.
>> Stephen: JOSEPH GORDON LEVITT IS THAT BOY.
( LAUGHTER ) UNBELIEVABLE.
YOU WERE A PRE-SCHOOL TEACHER, ALSO.
GOD BLESS YOU FOR TEACHING THE CHILDREN.
HOW DOES ONE BE A GOOD PRE-SCHOOL TEACHER?
>> WITH WELL, I THINK YOU HAVE TO BE VERY PATIENT.
>> Stephen: SURE.
VERY PATIENT.
>> Stephen: IS THERE ANY CROSSOVER BETWEEN BEING AN ACTOR
AND BEING IN SHOW BUSINESS?
>> YES, YOU HAVE TO BE VERY PATIENT.
WE USE PROPS AT CIRCLE TIME, LIKE TO KEEP THE INTEREST.
>> Stephen: I'M SORRY?
CIRCLE TIME.
>> Stephen: IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I WAS IN PRE-SCHOOL.
>> HAS IT?
YOU LOOK SO YOUNG.
YOU SORT OF WELCOME THE KIDS IN THE MORNING AND READ A STORY.
>> Stephen: THEY'RE ON THE FLOOR, A LITTLE BIT OF RUG --
>> CIRCLE TIME.
>> Stephen: OH, CIRCLE TIME.
RIGHT.
>> Stephen: RIGHT.
O YOU READ THE BOOK AND IT HELPS THE SEPARATION BETWEEN THE
PARENT AND KID AND KIND OF A DISTRACTION.
KIDS SAY THE DARNEDEST THINGS AND ONE LITTLE BOY USED TO SIT
NEXT TO ME.
HE WAS NEW.
I SAID, SIT NEXT TO ME.
HE TOUCHED MY LEG AND HE SAID, MISS CHRISSY, YOU NEED TO
SHAVE...
( LAUGHTER ) I SAID, I DON'T HAVE TIME TORE
SHAVING, I'M TEACHING KIDS THINGS AND BEING ALL THE FARM
ANIMALS ON THE FARM.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE BEING ALL THE FARM ANIMALS ON THE FARM?
DID YOU DO IMPRESSIONS?
>> YOU HAVE TO ENGAGE THE KIDS.
>> Stephen: WHAT DOES THE COW SAY?
>> MMMMOOOOO!
>> Stephen: SO GOOD.
KIDS ARE JUST THE BEST.
>> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND YOU THOUGHT PROPS WERE AN IMPORTANT
THING.
>> SURE!
LIKE YOU CAN HAVE PUPPETS AND PROPS.
>> Stephen: THAT'S LIKE SHOW BUSINESS, TOO.
>> YES, ONE TO HAVE THE TEACHERS WE CO-TAUGHT TOGETHER, SHE
SCARED THE KIDS TO CLEAN UP.
SHE BROUGHT THIS -- WELL, SHE LIVED IN THE COUNTRY AND BROUGHT
THIS OLD JAWBONE OF SOME ANIMAL WHO I THINK DIED ON HER
PROPERTY.
>> BUT RECOGNIZABLE AS A JAWBONE?
>> YOU SAW THE TEETH, THE JAW.
>> Stephen: PART OF A DEAD ANIMAL.
>> YES, AND WRAPPED IT WITH HORSE HAIR AND PUT A RUBBER BAND
WIT AND SHE SAID, OH, YOU DON'T WANT TO CLEAN UP?
THIS IS WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED!
THE KIDS LOVED IT.
>> Stephen: SOUND LIKE TESTIMONY FROM THE McMARTIN
TRIAL.
THAT IS TRULY DARK!
ARE YOU PART OF A CULT?
>> NO, SOUNDS LIKE IT.
>> Stephen: A LITTLE BIT?
NO, AN AMAZING, LOVING TEACHER.
SHE WAS SO MUCH FUN, BUT, YEAH.
>> Stephen: NOW YOU'VE JUST KICKED THIS ACTING THING TO THE
CURB, JUMPED ON THE FUTURE BUS OF BOOKS RIGHT HERE BECAUSE YOUR
FIRST BOOK IS THE NUMBER ONE "NEW YORK TIMES" BEST SELLER
DEBUTING AT NUMBER ONE -- >> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: -- CALLED "THIS IS ME."
>> UNREAL.
>> Stephen: RIGHT THERE STRAIGHT TO THE STOP.
NUMBER ONE WITH A BULLET.
SO YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT SHOWING UP FOR YOURSELF.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY WHEN YOU SAY SHOW UP FOR YOURSELF?
>> FOR ME, AS FAR AS ACTING GOES, I'M SORT OF A LATE
BLOOMER.
EVERYBODY ON THE SHOW HAS LISTS OF CREDITS, AND I'M, LIKE, I'VE
DONE CO-STARRING AND GUEST STARRING STUFF.
I'M, LIKE, AM I GOOD ENOUGH TO BE ON THE SHOW.
AND IT'S LIKE, CHRISSY, GET IN THE CAR, PUT THE CLOTHES ON THEY
TELL YOU TO PUT ON, AND READ THE LINES AND PREPARE AND JUST SHOW
UP FOR YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU JUST HAVE TO GET THROUGH IT
SOMETIMES.
>> Stephen: SHOW UP FOR YOURSELF AND DO THE WORK.
>> DO THE WORK.
JUST LET ME DO THE JOB I WAS HIRED TO DO.
>> Stephen: DID YOU SAY THAT TO THE KIDS WHEN YOU WERE AN
AGENT?
>> IT WAS LIKE WATCHING YOUR BOYFRIEND TAKE A WOMAN OUT EVERY
NIGHT V FUN ON YOUR AUDITION.
BUT WE'RE HERE TO BE SERVICE AND IF I COULD BE OF SERVICE TO
PEOPLE DOING WHAT I WANT TO DO THEN I'M PUTTING THAT INVESTMENT
AWAY IN MYSELF, AS WELL.
IT WAS A VERY LONG GIFT.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: SURE.
I'VE WORKED ON A FEW BOOKS.
IT'S -- IT CAN BE AN ALL-CONSUMING AND EXHAUSTING
PROCESS.
HOW LONG DID THIS TAKE YOU TO DO?
>> FOUR MONTHS.
>> Stephen: WHILE YOU WERE WORKING --
>> SECOND SEASON AND AWARD SEASON WHICH WAS REALLY TRICKY,
YEAH.
>> Stephen: WHY IS AWARD SEASON EVEN TRICKIER?
>> IT'S BECAUSE YOU GO TO SO MANY DIFFERENT EVENTS AND YOU'RE
ALSO PREPARING FOR THE SHOW AND YOU ALSO CALL YOUR GHOST WRITER
AND YOU'RE, LIKE, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THE
STORY I HAVE TO TELL YOU BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN TELL THE
STORY ANYMORE -- >> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE A
GHOST WRITER?
>> YES, KEVIN O'LEARY, MY GHOST WRITER, MY THERAPIST AND BECAME
MY FRIEND.
SO INSTRUMENTAL IN THE PROCESS.
>> Stephen: MOST PEOPLE DON'T GIVE CREDIT TO THEIR GHOST
WRITERS.
YOU'RE A VERY NICE PERSON.
YOU SHOULD TEACH PRE-SCHOOL.
>> OKAY!
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: NOW, ON THE SHOW,
YOUR CHARACTER SINGS, AND YOU ALSO SING.
HOW DO YOU SING ON CAMERA?
LIKE, HOW DO YOU I THINK THE ZING IN FRONT OF PEOPLE?
BECAUSE I LIKE TO SING SOMETIMES.
WHAT MAKES ME MOST NERVOUS IS SINGING IN FRONT OF OTHER
PEOPLE.
>> MUSIC IS MY FIRST LOVE.
IT'S ONE OF THE SCARIEST THINGS BECAUSE I FEEL SUPER VULNERABLE.
SORT OF LIKE STANDUP COMEDY AND YOU'RE REALLY BEARING YOUR SOUL.
KATE IS IN THE PROCESS OF FINDING HER FOOTING AS A SINGER,
SO IF I DON'T HIT A RIGHT NOTE IT'S JUST, OKAY, IT'S KATE,
SHE'S IN THE PROCESS.
I LEAN ON THAT.
YOU USE THE NERVES AND EVERYTHING.
IT IS VERY NERVE RACKING.
ALSO YOU HAVE TO DO IT -- PEOPLE ARE JUST STARING AT YOU.
THEY'RE NOT GOING TO CAP.
NOT NECESSARILY CLAPPING ON CAMERA, RIGHT.
>> Stephen: SURE.
AND LIKE THE FIRST SEASON WHEN WE DID THE TIME AFTER TIME,
WE WERE IN AN OLD FOLKS HOME.
NOW, I DON'T KNOW IF THESE EXTRAS, THESE BACKGROUND ARTISTS
WERE ACTUALLY SLEEPING OR TOLD TO SLEEP BUT THEY WERE NOT
INTERESTED IN WHAT I WAS SINGING.
I WAS, LIKE, I'M GOING TO USE THIS AND PROBABLY PEA MY PANTS,
SO IT WAS NERVE RACKING.
>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE ANY TRICKS TO GET YOU THROUGH?
>> BREATHE.
>> Stephen: BREATHING IS GOOD.
IN GENERAL VERY GOOD.
>> Stephen: CAN APPLY TO ALMOST ANYTHING.
>> BUT SORT OF LIKE A CONSCIOUS BREATHING OF GROUNDING YOURSELF
AND ALSO KNOWING THAT, LIKE, IF I HIT THE WRONG NOTE, WHO CARES
AND REALLY IT'S ABOUT THE STORY THAIMENT TELLING AND IF I'M
HAVING A GOOD TIME AND IF I'M ENJOYING THE PROCESS, THE
AUDIENCE WILL AS WELL.
>> Stephen: WELL, YOU'RE THE LAST MEMBER OF THE FAMILY FROM
"THIS IS US" TO BE HERE.
I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO COLLECT ALL OF YOU.
>> I LOVE THAT!
>> Stephen: I'VE FINALLY DONE IT.
WE ACTUALLY GOT THIS, THIS IS YOUR PHONE.
>> THIS IS MY PHONE.
>> Stephen: WE GOT OUT OF YOUR DRESSING ROOM.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: WOULD YOU MIND IF WE TOOK A SELFIE AND SENT IT
OUT?
>> YEAH, THEY'RE GOING TO BE LIKE, THANK GOD.
HERE WE GO.
LET ME TURN THE CAMERA AROUND.
OKAY, PERFECT.
TA-DA!
>> Stephen: WE DID IT!
( PIANO RIFF ) >> YAY!
>> Stephen: "THIS IS ME" IS AVAILABLE NOW AND "THIS IS US"
RETURNS THIS FALL!
CHRISSY METZ, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH LEWIS BLACK!