Hello and welcome! My name is Heather, I'm a registered professional counselor and today I'm
going to be talking about Pixar's movie: Turning Red. Heads up, there will be spoilers! Turning Red
introduces Mei Lee, a confident, dorky 13 year old who is an overachiever and who has recently
turned 13, who considers herself to be perfect and independent. However she is torn between staying
her mother's dutiful daughter and the chaos of her adolescence. There is a lot of nostalgia from
watching this movie and it takes place in 2002 which was around the time that I was a teenager.
And just navigating the challenges of being Canadian Chinese, being a teenager, being a girl,
and being a student all at the same time. It is really really challenging and I think that they've
definitely touched on a lot of the struggles that someone in that position may be experiencing and
I think that a lot of people can also relate with. Just in general transitioning from being a
child to a teenager and dealing with hormones and puberty and friendships and a lot of the internal
struggles that don't really get talked about in the movies or really get highlighted. I think
that this is a really beautiful representation of what all that means and what that looks like.
As adolescents and teenagers they are going through such a developmental time right now,
where internally they still have a lot of confusion and insecurities that children
would have and yet they are starting to look and grow into adulthood. And it's just such a difficult
time that they require a lot of compassion and patience as they're dealing with raging hormones
and they're dealing with every emotion being very dramatic to them and being very new,
as they are very intense. And not only are there hormonal changes going on in the body,
but there's also changes going on in the brain. Typically what's going on is that the prefrontal
cortex is getting slowly formed. The prefrontal cortex is in charge of executive function,
so forethought and planning. This part of the brain isn't fully formed until mid to late
20s and that's why teenagers tend to engage in risky behaviors is because they don't really have
the forethought to think about the consequences of their actions. Which is extremely problematic
because when you are drinking or doing drugs as a teenager before your brain is fully formed,
it actually impedes and prevents your brain from fully functioning to its capabilities. Also I
think the movie did a great job just normalizing puberty and getting our periods because chances
are someone you know will have their periods or has their period.
"Did the red peony bloom?"
"No!"
Maybe?"
And in society there's just so much shame and guilt around getting our periods and that we
can't talk about it and I know there is this big controversy the fact that they showed pads and
it's not something that girls should have to be ashamed about or embarrassed about because this
happens. It's just a part of our bodies changing and us growing up, it just is.
"You are a woman now and your body is starting to change it's nothing to be embarrassed about."
It's 2022, can we just finally talk about normalizing the fact that it's nothing to be embarrassed about.
Before I forget make sure to give this video a thumbs up and don't forget to subscribe for
more analysis videos like this. One of the big themes is the culture wars or the fact that may
is caught between two worlds of her chinese culture and also her canadian culture and I
love how this movie has so many Canadian cultural references like the Timbits. That is absolutely
awesome and amazing. And learned recently that the Timbits are actually the holes that they used
to cut out from the donuts. I had no idea! It's the donut holes and they just make it into Timbits I
just always figured that they were just made little round donuts and that was the Timbits...
With Eastern cultures they tend to prioritize or value collectivism and they value the family
as a whole, whereas in Western society they value being individualistic and independent.
"I wear what I want, say what I want, and I will not hesitate
to do a spontaneous cartwheel if I feel so moved."
And trying to figure out how to navigate between these two very conflicting worlds
and being caught in the middle. You don't want to necessarily dishonor your family or your parents
or disrespect them in any way.
"It's not all about me, you know."
"I do make my own moves, It's just that
some of my moves are also hers."
And that's why I'm so grateful for this movie because
it does touch on that struggle. Although, maybe it talks about it a little bit more subtly, but
it's definitely something that I can relate to and I'm sure there's a lot of people out there as
well that can also relate to this. The movie also touches on toxic perfectionism which we see Mei
experiencing when she's trying to uphold her mom's expectations and also be the perfect model student.
"Today honor student, tomorrow UN Secretary General! The ancestors would be so proud."
We see that Mei is having troubles communicating with her mom especially when she's
experiencing intense feelings of emotions and it comes out as angry outbursts.
"It's going to be okay."
"NO IT'S NOT, WILL YOU JUST GET OUT!"
And we see that Mei is struggling to have her mother's approval and to be this perfect daughter
for her mom to be proud of.
"You are her pride and joy, so act like it!"
And when we see a younger version of Ming, we see that there's so much guilt and shame
that she carries because of her relationship with her mom.
"I'm just so sick of being perfect!
I'm never gonna be good enough for her.
or anyone..."
We can also see the strain between Ming and her mom and when she was younger and turned
into the red panda, she accidentally hurt her mom
in trying to defend her relationship with her now husband.
Ming has a tendency to blame everyone else if Mei does something wrong and she believes that Mei is perfect.
"She is a good girl and you've taken advantage of her."
This could be a result of the type of relationship she had with her mom
in which she felt pressured to be perfect and she would get blamed if she did anything
wrong and she wanted to break that cycle with Mei.
"Unbelievable!"
Ming, how could you let this happen?"
The main message here is that: in order to heal you need to love
and accept each other despite their imperfections
"I'm sorry."
"You don't have to apologize.
I'm your mother."
And it's also a good reminder that our parents are doing the best that they can
given the information that they have and also the experiences they had growing up.
This was the lesson Mei learned after she saw her mom as a teenager and she
realizes the shame that her mom carries and also how this impacts their relationship, as
her mom fears that they're going to lose that bond and closeness.
How can we increase feelings of compassion between our relationships? So there is a fine balance between
giving the teenager autonomy so they have the confidence of figuring out who they are
figuring out their identity as a grown-up and also being able to protect them and guide them
along the way. And the movie was able to show us beautifully how that balance could be struck, so
Ming was able to accept Mei's decision to keep the panda.
"I'm finally figuring out who I am,
but
I'm scared it'll take me away from you."
"Me too."
So the both of them can have further compassion and a
greater understanding for each other so they can still have a relationship and we see that she's
also struggling with gaining her own identity and understanding who she is and wanting some sense of
freedom to be who she is and like what she likes such as liking the boy band.
That was such a big deal in 2002. I remember for me it was Backstreet Boys.
Still is Backstreet Boys.
They were actually the first concert that I went to see. I think I was
maybe 17 or 18 when they came here. But Kevin wasn't there, so it was just the four of them,
but still, boy bands were a huge deal and it was very normal to be boy band crazy
And it's also great to see those healthy relationships between Mei and
her friends and also the fact that they're able to empower each other and support each other and
still love her even if she turns into this big red panda.
"We love you Mei."
"You're our girl."
"Yeah, no matter what. Panda or no panda."
Our relationships, our friendships really shape who we are and we're
also trying to figure out our own identity as we're growing out of childhood and becoming young
adults or going into the teenage years. And it's really confusing and messy as we see in the movie.
It's a coming together of what does that really look like for you and how can you best honor
what works for you while being true to yourself and also honoring the relationships in your life.
To have that sense of acceptance for each other despite what their differences are, despite what
their messiness or weirdness is and it's really great to see that type of relationship on screen.
I'm really grateful that they were able to show how difficult and how challenging it can be
just trying to essentially keep peace with all the relationships in your life and also
keep your parents happy while trying to figure out who you are and be happy with yourself.
And also as teenagers, they're probably going to have to deal with some form of bullying. Whether it be
physically in front of them or cyber bullying which is still a thing. I can't believe that
bullying is still a thing, but it is. And it can be really difficult for a teenager to tell an adult
or to tell their parents that they're getting picked on so they have these feelings of anger and
frustration and also embarrassment and shame from getting bullied that they can't really express
to their parents because they feel that their parents don't understand them.
I grew up in a predominantly Caucasian city, that is slightly
outside of downtown Vancouver, where it is a little bit more inclusive,
I also had to deal with bullying from my classmates, as well. My mom used to
make this amazing fried rice for me to take for lunch and I would get teased from other people
saying, "Oh Heather, you're so skinny is it because all you eat is rice." And it did bring up a lot of
feelings of shame and I felt like that wasn't really something I can tell my parents about
because I didn't want them to be worried about me. I had to kind of navigate those feelings for
myself, but I was really lucky that I had wonderful friends that could help me get through it.
And the movie does such a great job just sending the message of being able to embrace our emotions even
if it is messy even if it is uncomfortable and being able to process it in a healthy way and go
through emotional regulation so we can deal with our emotions as we go into adulthood as opposed
to shoving it down or shame ourselves for having these feelings and that doesn't help, at all.
"Thank you for your concern mother."
As teenagers it's extremely normal to go through these emotional
outbursts and irrational feelings that we'll have and everything is just very, very dramatic.
Being able to figure out how can we best express this so it is functional and so we can grow up as adults
being able to better cope with these more intense feelings because, let me tell you, as a counsellor
I get so many people coming to me telling me that they don't really know how they're feeling for one
and two they don't really know how to deal with it. They were never given the opportunity to process
their feelings in a functional way so that they can one express it clearly and communicate it
clearly to the people who need to know and two be able to really accept and understand what those
feelings are and what they mean and be able to move forward with that. Being able to navigate and
emotionally regulate when we're teenagers and when we're first going through these changes is
extremely beneficial. As parents, what we can do is be just very patient and compassionate and
understanding and let them know that they have space to explore their feelings, that they don't
always have to be happy and that it's okay to have some of these messier feelings because that's a
part of life and we can't just ignore them
"The point isn't to push the bad stuff away. It's to
make room for it.
Live with it."
I guess to summarize, my therapist takeaways from this movie would be:
Feelings are feedback. It is okay to express your emotions when needed.
Rely on social support and find friends that accept you for who you are.
It is okay not to be perfect. Embrace your fears and insecurities because it is a part of being human.
"I know it feels that way like all the time, but it isn't true."
That's my take on Turning Red, I hope that you've enjoyed this video. Make sure to
give it a thumbs up if you did and don't forget to subscribe for more analysis videos like this.
thank you so much for watching and feel free to check out my other therapist reviews videos
and I look forward to seeing you in the next one. Until then, be kind and love yourself.