(upbeat music)
- I am married with a child, but my husband cheated on me.
Should I leave him?
Yes or no?
(light music)
- [Narrator] We brought together a group of strangers
to help an anonymous person
make one of their toughest decisions.
- I went through his Apple Watch.
I scroll up and it's the whole sexual conversation.
That was him being selfish, so why not choose me?
- [Narrator] After hearing the group's advice,
which choice will this person make?
This is "The Dilemma".
- When I first heard the dilemma, I stood on the no side
because I believe in second chances.
- I knew that there was more information,
but my gut instinct was like, it's a yes for now.
- How long have you two been together?
- Six and a half years.
So we're a military couple, so it was one of those,
I meet you, we fall in love, get married.
What made us really close was that we realized
we were from similar backgrounds.
We both grew up in the Caribbean,
we both kind of liked the same music,
the same type of things.
- Did he honestly admit that to you
or did you come about finding that out?
- I had three dreams that he cheated
and I was like, okay, I need to check something.
So I went in his Apple Watch and I saw it.
The female was labeled under a male's name,
and when I asked him about it, I said,
"Hey, I just wanna figure this out."
He came clean right off the bat.
He was out of the house before he cheated.
The reason why that happened
is because we got into a bit of a tussle.
I came downstairs and he was on the phone with said girl
because they worked together.
There was a little rumor
that she liked to sleep with married men.
We got in a tussle, he was out of the house,
then he cheated.
He pretty much went on a week-long binge
of going over to her house and drinking
and getting physical.
- Was this just sex,
or was this a full-on affair relationship?
- He said for him, it was just sex.
There wasn't any going out to dinner
or any crazy "I love you" texts or "I miss you"
or anything like that.
- Has it been a pattern?
And I would include anything like pornography
or anything in that.
- [Tiffany] With him?
- [Alicia] Yes.
- No, that was the first and only time that I know of.
- You said you have a son, right?
How has he been impacted by this?
Does he know?
- So he's four, so in the beginning,
because there was a time where he wasn't living in the house
and my son would actually cry at night, "I want daddy",
and I was just like, it made me sad.
- Is he doing anything or has he suggested anything
to repair your relationship?
- So he wants to do marriage counseling,
but he wants to do individual counseling for himself first,
which he's actually doing right now.
And he tries to plan little dates and stuff like that.
He's trying, I guess.
- [Director] So please move now
if you feel like you should be standing on another side.
Was there anything there that you're like,
"Oh, maybe I should be on the other side?"
- I think one of them was, he's going to therapy,
and at that point, I'm like,
"Well, I mean, if he's doing the work
"and you kinda sound like that's something you want,
"then maybe I'm on the wrong side."
- [Alicia] When your husband was away, how did you feel?
- Being honest, I missed him a lot.
I had to put up a wall to where it was just like,
"Don't feel anything."
I still have that question in the back of my mind,
is it worth working out
after he finishes his therapy and everything?
- Do you feel like you'll be happier without him?
- I feel like I could probably hit the pinnacles
that I haven't hit yet.
I think I'm that girl, you know?
And I think sometimes, when you're with someone,
you don't have enough freedom to go do certain things.
How it is right now, we're still in the same living space.
Call me a dumb (silence) but yes, sometimes we have sex.
Sometimes I have sex with other people.
- If the trust is gone on your side,
is your faith the only thing
that's kinda really tying you to this marriage?
- Yes, that's a part of it.
My son is a very minute part of it
because I don't want to be one of those people
that stays because of the child.
And then also,
the fact that he's taken all the right steps for himself.
He's finally admitting his childhood trauma
and just the stress of the job
that he had around the time that he was cheating.
I believe in people getting second chances
if they're deserving and if they put in the work.
- [Director] If your mind has changed
and you want to move to the other side,
this will be another moment and opportunity
that you can do that.
- I stayed where I was, hesitantly.
I kept coming back to the fact
that her husband was making an effort.
I think love is work, love is a lot of work.
- I wanted to go to the no side.
I wanted it to work.
They've talked about it before, he's working on himself,
but I just felt in my heart and in my bones,
I was like, I think they're better off just separate.
- Air Force.
Ex-husband, Air Force.
- You get it!
- Met in tech school.
I got stationed here in LA.
I deployed to Detroit to help with the vaccines out there,
came back and found out he was cheating on me
with one of the closest people that I had met
back in our old base.
Going through the divorce, it (silence) broke me down,
but I am finally getting to live a life
that I'm actually proud of.
- If he's doing the work and the reciprocation is there
and he wants to, then it would change my answer.
But then, if there's still no trust,
then that's where my struggle is.
- In her situation, it sounds like her husband
is taking those initial steps,
the very beginning steps, to do that.
- I think it comes down to trust.
At the end of the day,
do you think he's gonna do this again?
- Do you still trust him?
- (silence) no.
(group laughs)
I can do better, but then you have all those factors
like our son and stuff that we built together, so.
- My parents got divorced when I was really little
and when you're a kid, you start to think,
"I wish they were still together", but now knowing more,
if they were together, my life would've been a lot worse.
I mean, it sucks to have parents that are divorced
or that fight or anything like that,
but sometimes it's not worth fighting for as much.
- If I was your best friend,
I would say divorce is still on the table
but you're angry right now
and you need to work through that anger.
I think it would be good if he is a part of that
and gets to understand what he has done to you.
- I was with a man for 10 years,
spent all of my 20s with him, had a baby by him,
gave him everything, and he cheated.
I stayed.
He had great days of being amazing,
but there was always that fear as well of,
what happens when you're not enough again?
(pensive music)
- [Vidalia] Personally I feel like they would be better off
handling their own situations.
- [Kekona] Exactly.
- [All] Separately.
- [Justin K] Exactly.
- [Kekona] If she's still genuinely feels
like she could be happier on the outside,
then I would say go for it.
- [Vidalia] She should do it.
- [Alicia] Things happened so fast
and they desperately need...
- [Both] To slow down.
- [Justin J] Divorce is final.
- [Alicia] Yeah.
- [Justin J] It's hard to repair the trust that was lost,
but I believe you can.
- For me, the most important is to remember you
and not letting any of the outside noise,
meaning your friends, your family, the naysayers,
dare I say religion, keep you in that box
if you decide that you are no longer happy.
- Maybe this relationship is salvageable.
Things that break can come back better than ever,
can come back stronger than ever,
if they're given that chance.
But divorce is still an option,
even if you choose to stay for now.
- [Director] Tiffany, can you just kind of tell us
how you're feeling right now?
- Still a bit confused,
however I feel like I have a decision.
(light music)
That's my man and I'm gonna stick beside him
in another lifetime, okay.
(light music)
This weekend actually, I ordered some moving boxes,
so I guess I'm gonna start packing.
I am gonna drive cross country, hopefully with a buddy
and I'm gonna live with my dad for a while.
In this situation, it's not just me.
It's me and it's my son.
I just wanna get out of the space,
and I think with time, the actual paperwork will come.
But as far as me in the physical and me in the mental,
I pretty much think I'm divorced.
To whoever is watching this,
go where you're celebrated, not where you're tolerated.
(group claps)
(group talking)
Honestly, the best advice, the best support sometimes
comes from strangers.