[upbeat music]
- It's a pleasure having two of my father's closest friends
pay a visit to my fine establishment.
Clovis, Virginia, thank you for coming.
- You're aware of our non-profit organization?
- The Brazilian Porcupine Foundation.
- So you're aware of our animal rights work?
- Well, I try to stay up-to-date
on all the porcupine-related news.
- We'd like to offer you a position on the board.
- It's an in to Sacramento high society.
- [chuckles]
- Wow.
- Oh, we'll take that as a yes.
Welcome to the upper echelon.
The air is so much better up here.
- Ah.
- [inhales, exhales]
[laughter]
[upbeat music]
- [man singing] This is America
Land of dreams
Everyone can climb higher
- [women singing] No you know you're stuck here
'Cause you're a part-timer yeah
- [man singing] You can do anything
- [woman singing] As long as it's not hard
- [man singing] And you can go anywhere
- [woman singing] As soon as you get a car
- [man singing] You're gonna be a huge success
- [woman singing] Come on that's not who you are
- [man singing] You're a part-timer cursed
With full-time dreams
And this low-paying job is as bad as it seems
Bad as it seems
What the [bleep] are you doing here?
Whoa
What the [bleep] are you doing here?
Oh
Seriously, dude? - Like, what the [bleep]?
- So they asked you to a party?
Fun.
- Not a party, Ella. A gala.
And I have to raise at least $10,000
to help save the Brazilian porcupine.
And I only know, like, three of my dad's friends' numbers.
- Well, if there's one thing I'm good at, it's throwing parties.
I tell you what.
You let me take care of the invitees,
and in exchange, I won't have to pay rent anymore.
- You already don't pay rent.
- No, I mean you pay for the next place that I rent.
- No. - Deal.
- Are you sure you've got this covered?
- Yes, I'm positive.
- I just want tonight to be amazing.
- It will. Our guest list is full.
- Yeah, but what if none of them show up?
- Then your miniature ponies won't get their yachts,
or whatever, all right? Relax.
It's fine. Okay?
- Pete, have you seen my purse?
I've looked for it everywhere.
- The black leather one with the big rose and the pewter handle?
- Yeah...
Do you have it?
- Uh, no. Haven't seen it.
- [sighs]
- Hello.
Thank you very much. Enjoy.
- Hello. - Thank you, sir.
Wowie. Oh, okay.
Thank you. Wow.
Uh, you know, technically, there is a dress code.
Um...but for a $500 donation,
you can wear anything you want.
- Cool.
We're all gonna be naked soon, anyway, right?
- Yeah. [chuckles]
Uh, wait. Uh, what?
- Well, a Brazilian porcupine is a pretty complicated sex move.
I don't think clothes are gonna help.
Unless you guys do it differently.
You guys do it differently?
- You're here for the Brazilian porcupine, right?
- Yeah, I'm here to do a Brazilian porcupine.
Got my wax and my tarp in here.
The old trusty tarp.
See ya.
[classical music playing]
- Excuse me? Who all here
got their invitation from the Craigslist post?
[all giggling and murmuring]
- That's where I get all my stuff.
[classical music continues]
- Here you go.
[classical music playing]
- Mm.
- Are you okay?
- [gulps] No.
I accidentally started an internet sex party.
On any other night, I'd be super impressed with myself.
But Anton's gonna kill me.
- Ella, one of those creepers probably stole my purse.
- I know, okay? I'm sorry.
- Mads, I swear to you,
I will get your favorite purse back.
- How did you know it was my favorite?
- Oh, because you bring it to work every day.
Except for Thursdays,
'cause that's when you go to the gym.
[chattering]
- This is the nicest Brazilian porcupine I've ever seen.
- You can't be serious.
- Well, I'm fairly new to the scene.
Why, do they get fancier?
- My dear, this is the bottom of the barrel.
- Nuh-uh. Barrelers meet on Wednesdays.
[microphone feedback]
- Hello?
They asked me to introduce Anton,
a true porcupine advocate.
Or, as he likes to call it,
prick of the year.
[laughter]
So, for a man who needs no introduction
but got one anyway...
Anton.
[one person claps, stops]
- First I'd like to thank--
- When's the [bleep] party?
- Yeah!
[crowd chattering]
- The [bleep] party.
- Oh! Oh, my.
- She gets it.
[crowd chattering]
- It's a what?
- Some kind of forbidden sex move, okay?
There was a mix-up on the invitation.
- Ella, this was your one responsibility.
- I know. I was gonna kick them out,
but they all paid.
You made more than $10,000 tonight.
- [laughs softly]
Okay, just keep them away from my guests, please?
- Okay. Okay, yeah.
I can do that. I can do that.
[crowd chattering]
[clears throat]
[crowd silences]
For anyone who's been asking for the grease,
I'll be serving it up
in the kitchen.
[all cheering]
- It's on!
[all continue cheering]
- Anton, you really must serve better hors d'oeuvres.
[techno music playing] - No, you shouldn't go in there.
- But they stole my purse.
[techno music playing]
I really shouldn't have gone in there.
- Mads, I made a commitment,
and I swear to you that if your purse is in that kitchen,
I'll get it back. And then,
I'll kick the ass of whoever took it.
- [groans]
[music and cheering]
- Aah!
Oh, no!
[crying] No!
- Pete! - No!
- Come back to me, Pete! - No!
- Okay.
- Thanks.
- This is really good, isn't it?
- Well, maybe we should try the grease in the kitchen.
Why not? I'm up for anything new.
- Look, ladies, no. Uh...
You'll--you'll miss the dance party.
Hey, buddy, uh, can we get some dance music up here?
- Way ahead of ya, boss.
[funky dance music playing] - Mmm.
Ooh. Electric Slide, everybody.
Come on and Electric Slide.
Mm-hmm.
Hey.
Uh-huh.
You got it.
Come on, do this.
Uh-huh, you got it.
[music continues]
Push your leg, hey.
[techno music playing in next room]
- [humming]
Hey, what are you guys doing?
- Protecting people from the Brazilian porcupine sex party.
[techno music continues]
- Nice!
- [groans]
[cheering, louder music]
- It does kind of look like a porcupine.
[funky dance music playing]
- Uh-huh. [humming]
- Aren't you guys having so much fun?
- Hey, sorry I couldn't find your purse.
- It's okay. If my purse is in there,
I'm not gonna want it back, anyways.
- I see you, ladies, I see ya.
Come on.
Put your butts to the back. Hey.
- Oh, yeah. - Now to the left, hey.
[classical music playing]
- So, I guess this means we'll be seeing young Anton
at the Train Restoration Gala next week.
- [chuckles] - Choo-choo.
[all chuckling]
- Dude...
Great Brazilian porcupine.
- Oh, uh, anything for the animals.
[chuckles] - For the animals.
Totally. - [laughs]
- Oh, and if, uh,
if we can have another sex party in your kitchen,
we'll pay double. Got a great drain.
[slurps] Black hole.
- [laughs nervously]
It's, uh...jokes.
[laughs nervously]
- Thanks for giving me a ride home, Pete.
- No probs, I can give you a rides whenevers.
[chuckles] It's cool.
- No way.
- What?
- No way.
[both chuckle]
I left it in my car.
You don't need to give me a ride home anymore, obviously.
- [chuckles]
Good...I guess. Um...
- Hey.
If I had to be traumatized by a Craigslist meet-up,
I'd want it to be with you.
- [laughs softly]
Guess I'll catch ya at the next sex party, huh?
[both laugh]
[poignant music]
- So, I'm gonna go. [chuckles]
- Okay.
[techno music playing in other room]
- You think...
- Great party, sir.
You're a hell of a host.
I'm tripling my donation.
[both laughing]
- Yes!
Oh, yeah!
- I never actually saw what was going on in there.
- Don't, no, man, don't. Don't go in there.
[techno music playing]
No. You okay?
Are you okay?
[upbeat music]