♪♪♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>>> GOOD EVENING. GOOD EVENING.
I'M CHRIS WALLACE. AND WELCOME TO THE THIRD AND
FINAL PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE. TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A LOT
LIKE THE THIRD "LORD OF THE RINGS" MOVIE.
YOU DON'T REALLY WANT TO WATCH, BUT HEY, YOU'VE COME THIS FAR.
NOW LET'S WELCOME THE CANDIDATES.
DONALD J. TRUMP AND SECRETARY HILLARY CLINTON.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> HELLO, CHRIS.
THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME. IN THE FIRST DEBATE, I SET THE
TABLE. IN THE SECOND DEBATE, I FIRED UP
THE GRILL. AND TONIGHT, I FEAST.
>> CHRIS, I'M GOING TO START THIS DEBATE IN THE QUIETEST
VOICE POSSIBLE. IN THE PAST, I HAVE BEEN BIG AND
LOUD. BUT TONIGHT, I AM A SWEET LITTLE
BABY TRUMP. >> THAT IS GOOD TO HEAR.
OUR FIRST QUESTION IS FOR YOU AND IT IS ABOUT REPRODUCTIVE
RIGHTS -- >> THEY'RE RIPPING BABIES OUT OF
VAGINAS! >> LISTEN, CHRIS.
I'M GLAD YOU RAISED THIS TOPIC BECAUSE WHAT TWO BETTER PEOPLE
ARE THERE TO TALK ABOUT WOMEN'S ISSUES?
ME, A WOMAN WHO HAS HAD A CHILD AND HAS TAKEN BIRTH CONTROL.
AND HIM, A MAN WHO IS A CHILD AND WHOSE FACE IS BIRTH CONTROL.
[ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> AND WE'RE OFF TO THE RACES. LET'S TALK IMMIGRATION.
MR. TRUMP, WHY ARE YOUR IMMIGRATION POLICIES BETTER THAN
SECRETARY CLINTON'S? >> BECAUSE SHE WANTS OPEN
BORDERS AND THAT IS CRAZY. I MEAN, PEOPLE ARE JUST POURING
INTO THIS COUNTRY FROM MEXICO AND A LOT OF THEM ARE VERY BAD
HOMBRES. >> OH, BINGO, BINGO, I GOT
BINGO! [ LAUGHTER ]
I'VE BEEN PLAYING ALL YEAR AND I GOT IT.
BAD HOMBRES, RAPISTS, MISS PIGGY, THEY'RE ALL LIVING IN
HELL, EXAMINE AND IF SHE WASN'T MY DAUGHTER.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> CONGRATULATIONS, SECRETARY
CLINTON. MR. TRUMP, PLEASE CONTINUE.
>> I HAVE A FANTASTIC RELATIONSHIP WITH MEXICO.
I HAVE PERSONALLY MET WITH THE MEXICAN PRESIDENT, I FORGET HIS
NAME, I THINK IT WAS SOMETHING LIKE MR. GUACAMOLE.
I'M SORRY, EXCUSE ME. SENOR GUACAMOLE.
I ALSO MET HEREWITH BEAUTIFUL WIFE TEQUITA.
AND THEIR TWIN CHILDREN CHIPS AND SALSA.
>> CHRIS, HERE IS THE TRUTH. DONALD SAID HE WAS GOING TO BE
TOUGH ON MEXICO, BUT WHEN HE MET WITH THE PRESIDENT, HE CHOKED.
>> WRONG. TRADEMARKED.
>> HE SAID HE'S GOING TO BE TOUGH ON RUSSIA BUT HE'S
BASICALLY PUTIN'S PUPPET. >> LIAR, TRADEMARK.
>> HE'S PROMISED TO ARE TOUGH ON ISIS BUT HE'S NEVER EXPLAINED
HOW. >> THAT'S NOT EXACTLY TRUE.
HIRES EXACTLY WHAT I'LL DO. FIRST OFF SNIFF MOSUL IS SAD
SNIFF AND WE'RE GOING AFTER MOSUL BECAUSE ISIS IS IN MOSUL
BUT SHE CREATED ISIS. SNIFF IRAN SHOULD WRITE US A
LETTER OF THANK YOU BECAUSE IRAN IS TAKING IRAQ AND WE'RE GOING
TO MOSUL AND IRAN'S GOING TO WRITE US A LETTER OF LISTEN
ALEPPO IS A DISASTER AND IRAN IS IRAQ SNIFF AND ISIS --
>> MR. TRUMP, WE HAVE TO MOVE ON.
>> OH THANK GOD. [ LAUGHTER ]
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU COULD TELL BUT I WAS REALLY SPINNING OUT OF
CONTROL. >> SECRETARY CLINTON, NOW, I'D
LIKE TO ASK YOU ABOUT AN ONGOING ISSUE FOR YOUR CAMPAIGN.
WIKILEAKS HAS BEEN RELEASING YOUR CAMPAIGN E-MAILS, MANY OF
WHICH RAISE SOME SERIOUS QUESTIONS.
>> THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP MY E-MAILS, CHRIS.
AND I'M VERY HAPPY TO CLARIFY WHAT WAS IN SOME OF THEM.
SORRY, WHAT, CAROL? WHAT?
I'M SORRY, I THOUGHT I HEARD MY FRIEND CAROL.
ANYWAY, BACK TO YOUR QUESTION ABOUT THE WAY DONALD TREATS
WOMEN. [ LAUGHTER ]
AND THAT IS HOW YOU BY VOT. PIVOT.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> SO YOU'RE JUST NEVER GOING TO
ANSWER A QUESTION ABOUT YOUR E-MAILS.
>> NO, BUT IT WAS VERY CUTE TO WATCH YOU TRY.
>> NOW MR. TRUMP, IN THE LAST WEEK, 11 WOMEN ACCUSE YOU OF
SEXUALLY ASSAULTING THEM. DO YOU STILL DENY EACH OF THOSE
CLAIMS? >> CHRIS, OF COURSE I DO.
I'M COMPLETELY INNOCENT. I'VE SAID THIS BEFORE AND I'LL
SAY IT AGAIN. NOBODY HAS MORE RESPECT FOR
WOMEN THAN I DO. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, SETTLE DOWN.
SETTLE DOWN, SETTLE DOWN, ENTIRE PLANET, SETTLE DOWN.
OUR NEXT QUESTION IS ABOUT THE ECONOMY.
MR. TRUMP, WHY ARE YOU BETTER EQUIPPED THAN SECRETARY CLINTON
TO FIX THE ECONOMY? >> BECAUSE HILLARY HAS NO IDEA
HOW TO FIX ANYTHING. IF SHE DID SHE WOULD HAVE DONE
IT ALREADY. I MEAN, WHAT HAS SHE BEEN
DOING -- >> DONALD, NO, NO, DONALD, DON'T
SET HER UP -- >> I'D BE HAPPY TO TALK ABOUT
THE LAST 30 YEARS. >> OH, NO.
NOT AGAIN. >> BACK IN THE 1970s, I WORKED
FOR THE CHILDREN'S DEFENSE FUND. >> YES, YES, WE KNOW.
>> I WAS A SENATOR IN NEW YORK ON 9/11.
>> YEAH, WE GET IT. >> AND I WAS SECRETARY OF STATE
AND I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE HEARD THIS BEFORE --
>> WE HAVE. >> BUT I WAS INSTRUMENTAL IN
TAKING DOWN A MAN BY THE NAME OF --
>> OSAMA BIN LADEN. >> OSAMA!
BIN! LADEN!
[ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ]
>> WE'RE ALL VERY PROUD OF YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS, SECRETARY.
>> CHRIS, SHE CAN BRAG ABOUT HER RESUME BUT I'M THE ONE WHO'S GOT
ALL THE HEAVY HITTERS SUPPORTING ME.
I MEAN, I HAVE GOT THE CREAM OF THE CROP.
I'VE GOT SARAH PALIN. I'VE GOT CHACHI.
GET THIS I'VE EVEN GOT THE BEST BALDWIN BROTHER, STEPHEN
BALDWIN. [ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> SECRETARY CLINTON.
SECRETARY CLINTON, LET'S MOVE ON TO ENTITLEMENTS.
WILL YOU RAISE TAXES TO SAVE PROGRAMS LIKE SOCIAL SECURITY
AND MEDICARE? >> YES, BUT ONLY ON THE VERY
WEALTHY. FOR EXAMPLE, MY CONTRIBUTIONS
WILL GO UP AS WILL DONALD'S, ASSUMING HE DOESN'T FIGURE OUT A
WAY TO GET OUT OF THAT -- >> SUCH A NASTY WOMAN.
>> WHOA, WHOA, MR. TRUMP. MR. TRUMP, THAT WAS INCREDIBLY
RUDE TO SECRETARY CLINTON. >> THANK YOU, CHRIS.
THAT'S EXACTLY THE KIND OF LANGUAGE THAT HAS POISONED AND
DEBASED THIS ELECTION. AND IF YOU AGREE, GO TO
HILLARYCLINTON.COM AND BUY A LIMITED EDITION NASTY WOMAN MUG.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> NOW WE HAVE TO TURN TO THE
BIG STORY OF THE WEEK. MR. TRUMP, IT HAS BECOME VERY
CLEAR THAT YOU'RE PROBABLY GOING TO LOSE.
>> CORRECT. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> NOW, WHEN YOU DO, WILL YOU ACCEPT THE RESULTS OF THE
ELECTION? >> I WILL LOOK AT IT AT THE
TIME. BECAUSE FRANKLY THIS WHOLE THING
IS RIGGED. EVEN THE MEDIA.
EVERY DAY I TURN ON THE NEWS AND ALL OF THE NEWSCASTERS ARE
MAKING ME LOOK SO BAD. >> AND HOW ARE WE DOING THAT?
>> BY TAKING ALL OF THE THINGS I SAY AND ALL OF THE THINGS I DO
AND PUTTING THEM ON TV. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> DONALD, LISTEN, I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU, BUDDY.
SO REPEAT AFTER ME. I, DONALD TRUMP --
>> I, THE BEST-EVER DONALD TRUMP.
>> PROMISE TO ACCEPT -- >> PROMISE TO ACCEPT.
>> THE RESULTS OF THIS ELECTION. >> THE RESULTS OF THIS ELECTION.
FY WIN. GOT YOU, LOSER, TRADEMARK.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> CHRIS WHAT HE HAS JUST SAID
IS HORRIFYING. AND THAT'S WHY AMERICANS HAVE AN
IMPORTANT DECISION TO MAKE. BETWEEN THE TWO OF US, WHO DO
YOU TRUST TO BE YOUR PRESIDENT? THE REPUBLICAN OR DONALD TRUMP?
[ LAUGHTER ] >> THANK YOU, SECRETARY.
NOW, WE ARE ALMOST OUT OF TIME --
>> WE ARE? OH, NO.
LET ME JUST MAKE SURE THAT I SAID EVERYTHING THAT I WANTED TO
SAY. OKAY, I'M GOOD.
I'M GOOD. >> NOW BEFORE WE CONCLUDE, YOU
EACH WILL HAVE ONE MINUTE FOR YOUR CLOSING STATEMENTS.
MR. TRUMP, WE'LL START WITH YOU. >> THANK YOU, CHRIS.
THANK YOU TO ALL OF MY SUPPORTERS.
BECAUSE OF YOU, I AM WINNING IN EVERY SINGLE POLL TAKEN OUTSIDE
OF A CRACKER BARREL. >> SECRETARY CLINTON.
>> LISTEN, AMERICA. DONALD TRUMP CANNOT BE
PRESIDENT. HE WOULD BE A DISASTER.
A FAILURE. A COMPLETE "F."
AND AMERICA, YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN AN "F."
SO ON NOVEMBER 8th, VOTE FOR ME AND I PROMISE I WILL BE A
STONE-COLD "B." [ LAUGHTER ]
>> THEN ON NOVEMBER 9th, MAKE SURE TO CHECK OUT TRUMP TV,
YOU'RE GOING TO HATE IT. AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
SATURDAY NIGHT!