Damon here with NLP gym and we're here with Doug O'Brien who will be teaching
sleight of mouth july ninth and tenth and really excited about this because i
think we started communicating almost two years ago when i had this crazy idea
of getting you to come here and you came here for I get gnosis workshop and think
and we actually got to meet for the first time and we talked to bid and it's
just something that we kept talking about doing and finally it's happening
so I'm really excited about that welcome thanks yeah I'm excited myself
cool all right let's just jump right in and for those of the people who maybe
don't even have any and all p training or watching this and are interested in
persuasion and influence and then of course people who do you know in okay
I find that persuasion and influence is one of those things that sort of being
left out of the lp trainings more and more like it's a little too complicated
to teach they kind of just push it off and we especially workshops teach
unfortunately and so yeah I guess though actually
what's that that's good for me though actually I suppose we need to stop and
think about it
yeah thanks everybody else taught that be i would be teaching my specialty
workshops in July
exactly so what are people gonna learn when they come to this workshop and what
can they learn in two days
it's amazing what you can learn in today's a sleight of mouth
I don't know since you said that some people might be listening to this you
don't know about what NLP is it's a this subset if you will as a it's a portion
of NLP that's i think particularly interesting because I'm NLP
neuro-linguistic programming grew out of Richard Bandler and John Grinder modeling
experts in other fields so they modeled the expertise of Milton Erickson and
Virginia Satir and other things other therapists other forms of therapy
Robert Dilts applied that same modeling that bandar and winter we're doing to
other people or just applied it to Bandler
and found out how Bandler did persuasion basically Bandler was just an amazing guy
one of those guys who just have this you know as we say in my country that gift
of the Blarney you know this amazing ability to to persuade to you know to
solid a refrigerator to an Eskimo kind of thing you can do you could do anybody
anything is just amazing
so Roberts good thinking like how does he do that and cannot figure that out
can i can add model his ability and do that myself in a sense that's what sleight
of mouth is all about it since its modeling that ability and then taking it
on yourself to be as persuasive as bandar is naturally
ok and for those who I mean I've gotten to experience families training and he
is extremely persuasive persuasive is not somebody who would want to have to
negotiate something else might see is so persuade so so why don't you talk a
little bit more about that
you know I know you worked with band for a while I think even given give you an
endorsement which I know he doesn't endorse many people
I'll just say this a lot I've met a lot of people in my day and it's but he he's
been described as one of the few real geniuses that are walking the planet at
the time and I don't know if that's exactly true but he's certainly one of
the closest people to a genius that i've i've met
it's quite really unique and remarkable and he developed this whole field called
NLP neuro-linguistic programming not completely by himself but largely is his
own just unique stance and perspective on the world that created it
you know just thinking outside that you know very very far outside the the nine
dots of most people's way of thinking
I'm NLP is remark would looks at the brain as it is like a computer
which is vastly different from one of the psychotherapy they came before an LP
and it looks like the brain as if it's like a computer and says you know people
who could you act in a certain way whether it's phobic or whatever they're
not crazy they're not broken
they're responding perfectly the computers running a program that creates
that result
it's perfect all we need to do is sort of change the program and get a
different result
so you know it's a simple concept really but it has had a remarkable expansion of
possibilities over the years and particularly the self-help community and
tony robbins and all those people have gone down to this and no made it made it
a huge and it deserves to be it is a amazing way of thinking when it comes to
persuasion
you know you can really unlock the the beliefs that people have you can really
find out you know what is it
at the core of that belief that they're holding on to it and just make a little
change and sometimes that little changes all I really needs to them snow sort of
snowball out and make a vast change a long way so it's a powerful technology
and I've taught it to my goodness i almost started to admit this but two
lawyers and just as people and the politicians and where you used to see it
all the time but you know I want to claim credit for any of the politicians
that are out there and just you know like those guys do that
whatever they do it on their own but i have taught it to some of their handlers
so it's an interesting ability
yeah so let's say somebody is coming into this workshop and they don't have
any NLP training what are they going to do after two days of this training that
is actually one of the great things about sleight of mouth is that although
it's usually taught if it is i guess maybe not so many places teacher anymore
but if it is taught in the master practitioner level it sits at a sort of
higher-level not the practitioner but the master practitioner level of
training in NLP
so it's considered kind of an advanced technique however you don't really need
to know anything particularly about what you learned in a practitioner level to
learn sleight of mouth side of mouth can stand alone
it's about beliefs about the structure of a believe how the belief is you know
structures in the brain and then offers you 14 different ways of you know
conversationally and verbally responding to that belief to to change the person's
way of thinking
so it's like a sales training you know it's it's like you know what salesman do
is how to a person comes in with an objection or the thing is they're all
you should do this instead and buy this product because it's best for you and I
was like wow yeah that's great thank you so much
I mean it's not quite like that but it's it's the it is like it is bad effective
for salespeople and you know it's a people in two days
can really master the skills of sleight of mouth and then apply it to whatever
form of field there in no I'm with therapist and a coach in a trainer so
for me I'm not a salesperson I'm not a politician I don't use it like that
you know I use it in my field for helping people in a sense by the notion
that there's a different way of living different way of approaching life you
know so i have to buy into a different way of thinking when that with the
coaching program except to expand the business etc but other people can use
the same exact skills that i'm using for therapy if you are coaching they can
apply to sales they can apply to you know politics they can apply to personal
relationships that can apply to whatever it is that they're looking to be more
precise event that sounds wonderful
and uh iid i use a lot of reframing and I'm familiar with sleight of mouth but I
know that I can really brush up on my skills and that's when I'm i think
people who do have NLP training and I think a lot of people are attracted to
NLP because of this idea of being so persuasive and not just for sales but it
and debates and changing people's minds and that's what i like about the this
model is that it's not about being right so i can argue really well to be right
or I can win the person over to my side and you
either one sounds with a sleight of mouth
you have that option if you want to make somebody look bad which I don't
recommend or you can actually change people's minds and change people's
opinions
do you have any examples of that but one of the things that happens with some of
my sales people in the real estate business is that they have customers
that come to them to feel like they shouldn't have to pay a commission and
so they know the sales people of course then guess you should because I make my
living
so they have a difference of opinion writing and of course you can't
you know for sure like really piss off your customer because that would be bad
for sales as well so I'm so they've had to learn to be very you know politics in
how they read frame and reframe the notion but one of the best ways they've
done it is through basically a little story telling is a one of the sleight of
mouth patterns is called the metaphor pattern and if you can think of a good
analogy or story about you know your point of view that sort of takes away
the belief of the other person and sports the beliefs of yours and it can
be really really powerful
you don't have to really argue very much beyond that if the stories are good one
you know people go the app I see me and chris and then this is the book I wrote
called the user's guide right
sleight of mouth and I wrote this because of the way rapper tilts taught
me how to do sleight of mouth in santa cruz those years ago I was just so
effective that this is one of a kind of basically how i teach the seminar and
frankly I just didn't think anybody else taught it quite the same way that i had
learned it that i found so fact that you have those you know there's icon
representational charts or mind maps if you will
I'm tell learn things not just auditorily but also visually and sort of
spatially anchor them and get them into your body so by the technical seminars
over there in yet
that you to scatter and months that is what really excites me about this
workshop because I'll tell you how I learned something about they learned
about two years ago I learned it from Robert dilts however
Master Practitioner now versus Master Practitioner 28 years ago
there's so much more technology and the truth is Robert has created created so
much of that technology that when you go to his training is you just overloaded
and he's getting through as much of it as possible so we didn't spend a lot of
time on slide amounts and I'm i bought his book which I tell people
Robert doesn't write books your rights encyclopedias and you don't really get
to the pattern patterns until the to the end and your book and your and the the
cds are wonderful compliment to that because it's sort of like well okay
here's an encyclopedia but here's a way that you can jump right into it and
start using it right away and that's what I found
that's why I return to your book and the I about the audio - because I'm i was
looking for something a little more user-friendly that I could jump into and
again these things you really have to get into the muscle you have to really
drill it in and that's basically why i turn to you and ask you two to come and
teach this because i know that you spend some time in are in the works out really
doing that showing us how to drill it in so that should think about it you know
tell you the truth I'm really thrilled to hear you say that because that is
exactly why i wrote the book and exactly why I teach the way that each
because i love Robert I i can say nothin bad event against the guy I absolutely
love them love the way that he teaches a lot of the encyclopedias your rights
I'm but part of the reason and just just between you and me and you two people
that listen to this part of the reason I wrote this book is because i bought his
book waiting four years for it to come out and finally came out of that really
you didn't even put any of those charts in there you know the trucks that I've
learned from you
you didn't even put in your book so I i felt like i was compelled to write
that's i had to write it because you know everything that's on those two cds
that's it that's the material I don't teach anything beyond that in the two
days of seminar but we drill that we get it we play games with a week we you know
have teams and we do tanking things we get it so it's in your body
I'm a musician you know I taught piano lessons for years I it's not about how
good I can be and let me show you how this works
you know I want my students to be able to play the Beethoven sonata by the time
we're done you know not just me show them how to do it and appreciate it or
whatever
I don't want them to do it you know I want my students to block away feeling
like I've mastered this
no that's the whole point of this thing so it's it's it's all about play playing
with the patterns and learning them so that they're ingrained in you and just
sort of automatically happen when you hear a belief coming at you from
somebody else
yeah it's not very persuasive if somebody throws an objection your win
and you go okay what's that pattern myself doing right when i initially
learned it and when I got your stuff and i started practicing the way that you
were saying the practice it in just kind of rolled off much easier and then what
you say in the book about
it's not just throwing one pattern out there every once in a while it's
combining these patterns and we do when you keep reframing the same objection
with multiple patterns
it's like the person almost has no choice but to in order to understand
what you're saying they have to think about things in a different way
that's great yeah pretty good no it's a good
it is truly a fun seminar i mean i guess one of the things I took away from tony
robbins trainings is that you know if you make them ruling and boring people
you know
well not really enjoying them that much and will not take that much away so you
know we we play games this is a fun fun shops not so much a workshop it's a fun
shot but it's it's really practical and by the time you're done that you can
roll off your tongue it's kind of amazing and it in its we always do it so
that the people attending our writing out their own beliefs
so I'm not feeding you scripts right well not feeding I'm not telling you
what to say so I can teaching jazz really more than teaching classical
music so i use the Beethoven sonata example before it's more like you
teaching jazz standards or whatever so people are learning to improvise within
the patterns them their own way things will be spending the summer in our
writing beliefs that they're hearing in their model of the world there
you know real world for that
and they're bringing of bringing practicing things for that situation so
that by the time they're done with the weekend they're going to get hit the
ground and monday morning at their sales job
you know just on fire and I have to say I'm so I i am in cells and i have used
it for sales very effectively
I think what I enjoyed most though was was coming up with my own limiting
beliefs about whatever whether it was goals or my own success and running it
through these patterns and you will start to get ideas that you would never
hurt him because you're you're you're pushing yourself to think in different
frames and so information units like allowing new information to come in that
you are getting in before because you're generalization was too limited or your
belief was too limited so I find that to be extremely powerful with you grass not
for that is advanced work right there
like I said I'm so looking forward to this and I've been telling all of my
friends including have a lot of friends who were sales professionals who I are
always ask me you know what is NLP thing that you do and and i'm going to them
now and saying you know this is the perfect workshop for you to really see
not only 10 p is about but how it can it can really help you in what you do and
I've also found us as we're talking to keep thinking of all the ways that I've
used this and another one is if you have employees
I anybody who who has employees knows how difficult it can be to motivate them
to get them to do it
you need them to do and they started get caught in their patterns and they start
creating limiting beliefs you run some sleight of mouth patterns over them and
it's so gentle the way can come across and really shift their thinking and
that's where you start to become a leader so then and a lot of ways you can
actually look at what you're going to teach us as leadership training because
leaders are they influence people and that's why to become leaders
I think one of the reasons that's really true is that right amount of starts from
listening
you know so much for sales you know the way people teach sales is that you know
I'm we're going to teach you what to say and really
sleight of mouth is about listening first you have to really listen really
understand what the person is saying where they're coming from
in order to unpack their beliefs so that you can
artfully step in there and guide them to thinking different so it's it's about
listening which is a radical listening to that other person it's really
understanding what are they coming from it's about communication which starts
with the word commune where do you commune with people you have your
community
no you're you're matching with them you're dealing with them I also start
usually when i teach sleight of mouth with a teaching the agreement frame which isn't
technically part of sleight of mouth but it's a great way to start which is again
where you're listening to the person and finding where you do agree with what
they say
so you can pace and then lead which is of course a central tenant of NLP and
ericksonian closest but you know you pace first and then you lead
so you listen first and then you persuade NLP Gym talking to Doub O' Brien
who will be here july ninth and tenth which is a saturday and sunday here in
santa cruz to teach sleight of mouth
one of the I'd say the the funnest models that I've ever come across and
mainly like you mentioned before it is modeled after Richard Bandler and if
you've ever seen him in action
you know what your character he is and charismatic and and certainly worse
places than an influential a lot of this is going to get stuff i'm really excited
you too thanks so much for having me appreciate it yeah all right well
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