I've noticed over my years of teaching that people have different motivations
for learning English. Some people want to improve their English to improve
their job prospects — perhaps get a pay rise, or get a better position in the
company they are already in — or perhaps even move to an English-speaking country
and get a completely new job. This video, however, is for people who are
looking to improve their English so that they can find a partner; a girlfriend, a
wife, you know... a boyfriend, a husband. And I am going to be sharing my
top tips on how to do that. Because the other day I was looking in Facebook, and
I noticed that people sometimes write comments, like: "I am looking for an
English wife", and I think there are better ways of going about it than that,
so come with me and I'll tell you how. So, why should you listen to me on that?
Now, I am not saying that I am any kind of relationship guru; I'm just going to
share my experiences. I'm fortunate enough to have a beautiful wife; lovely,
lovely woman who I've nearly been married to for ten years and she's the
mother of my children, and an absolutely phenomenal person. I got lucky, but I
also helped my own luck by applying some of these tips — probably not
deliberately.
So, tip number one is to take the indirect route. Now, what does that
mean? It means not being fixated on: "I need to find girlfriend", "I need to
find wife" because that's quite narrow-minded. Actually, what is
required is to go on a journey of growth, so that you are someone that
people are attracted to, so that you have life experiences, so you have
stories to share; and you can be, like, entertaining when you meet people. So,
that's my first tip: Go on a journey. Yeah? Sometimes these things happen when
you're not expecting them to happen. So, if you think about it less and think
about enjoying life more, then you're in a better... better state of mind to
attract good things to you. Tip number two: Take inspiration from nature. Now,
on a Sunday evening, it can be quite relaxing to maybe watch a David
Attenborough program where he's talking about, like, the zebras, and the
wildebeest, and the hippos and things, but there's actually quite a lot to
learn from those animals. And if you look at what the male specimens are
doing in a lot of those documentaries — they are the ones that have to attract
the mate. They are often the ones that have to sort out the nest and... and
make a home, so that the woman wants to... that the female wants to come to
them. So, the lesson here is: Okay, set things up. Yeah? Have you created a home
that someone would like to move into? Are you...? Are you dressing well? I'm
not saying I always dress well. Are you...? You know... are you...? Are you
someone that people want to be around? Okay, on to tip number three. Tip number
three: Trust in time. Now, the way I like to think about this, and with
opportunities in general, is that it's like the tide. Yeah? The tide never
stops. The moon pulls the tide. The tide comes in; the tide goes out. Now,
sometimes relationships don't work. Yeah? So, that one — that goes out; that
finishes, but then a new opportunity, a new beginning comes. And, especially
when you're kind of growing up and you haven't found that right person — don't
worry. You know... just think: "Okay, that didn't work. Something good will
happen. A new opportunity will come." Okay? Another phrase: "There's plenty of
fish in the sea." Tip number four: Unreciprocated. Now, that's quite a
difficult word. Basically, it means when you like someone and they don't like you
back in a romantic way. So, "unreciprocated love" is not... means
that it... that that relationship is not right. So, if you're getting a bit
obsessed with someone, and they're like: "Please go away", then don't keep going:
"Dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah" because it's just going to cause pain
for everyone involved. Okay? So, unreciprocated — go: "Okay, time to move
on."
Now, I am going to share my story now. So, how it all happened for me. I was
performing some theatre at the Edinburgh Festival — probably the biggest
performing arts festival in the world — I took a show there; performed it for a
month. It was a pretty crazy show, and I was very, very tired after it. But I was
asked by a couple of friends to go to a festival, and I was like: "Okay, I'll
go." So, I packed my bag. It reminds me of a game. I packed my bag, and in it I
put... I didn't... I packed my bag, and in it, I put a tent, and some food, and
a sleeping bag. Put it on the back of the bicycle, and off I went. Got on a
train; bicycled to the festival, and found my friends. Camped next to them.
First night, spent my money. So, woke up the next day. "Ah. Yeah". I haven't got
any money left. My friend, he... he's running the bar; I'll go and work on the
bar. And, you know... that's a nice way of spending the day. So, I'm working
there; making drinks; and then suddenly, this beautiful girl comes along, and I
make her a drink. And... and, you know... as they say: "The rest is
history". So, there's a few lessons to take from my story. I'm not going to go
into all the details of that; that's for another time. But let's look at my top
tips from that story. Tip number five: Have fun, and be in a good space. So, if
you're giving off feelings of, like: "Yeah, I'm having a great time", then
people want to be around you. Yeah? People want to speak to you. If you're,
like: "Life is bad. There are problems", then people don't want to speak to you
as much. So, be in a good space. Have some fun. Going back to that first tip:
Don't always think: "I'm trying to find this." Like, no, no, no, no. The focus
should be: "I want to have fun. I want to have an adventure. What's going on
here? Let's see." My next tip: Accept invitations. If a friend says: "Hey.
Come along to this gig. Come along to this. Come... come along to my friend's
house" — go along. Yeah? You might not be in the mood; you might be, like: "Oh,
I really feel like staying at home." You never know what's gonna happen. Like, be
open-minded. And then, what's my next tip? It's kind of stuck here. My next
one; tip number seven is: Check there's a sense of flow. So, once you have met a
special person, it should feel good. You should enjoy being in that person's
company. If not, then maybe it's... it's the wrong person. That was certainly my
experience that, you know... we had... we had... we had a nice time.
And I'm going to choose to share with you now a quote from one of my favourite
books, "Shantaram" written by Gregory Roberts. It's like a traveler classic.
He's an Australian writer; talks about his time out in Mumbai. And, you know...
it's a very exciting book. I won't share the storyline. But there's this
wonderful character in it — I think he's called Vikram, and he... he wears, like,
a cowboy hat, and he... he's a super-cool dude. And he's... he's
explaining to the main character in the book, who doesn't really understand
about commitment, and he says this to him — he says: "A man has to find a good
woman". Now, when I say "man", I'm not being, like, gender specific and I'm not
just talking about heterosexual relationships. I'm talking about a
person finding another person, and going: "This is the person". So, this is
the quote: "A man has to find a good woman. And when he finds her, he has to
win her love, and then he has to earn her respect. Then he has to cherish her
trust." Yeah? "Cherish" — to... to appreciate. "And then he has to, like,
go on doing that for as long as they live. A man is truly a man when he wins
the love of a good woman, earns her respect, and keeps her trust." Okay? So,
let's kind of break that down a little bit. "Win her love; earn her respect;
cherish her trust". So, you know... you're... you keep on being good to that
person; you keep on giving that person what they need. It doesn't just stop at
the moment where you meet someone; it's a continuous kind of process. Okay? So,
those are my tips for finding, you know... a special person. If you're
looking to meet an English-speaking partner, you know... be open-minded;
have an adventure. Think about what you enjoy doing; and then, hopefully, the
stars will align and you will find that special person. Thank you for watching.
My name is Benjamin. Do subscribe, and I look forward to seeing you in the next
video.