become whole again keep watching I'm Damon Cart this is life mastery gym and
I teach people just like you cutting-edge NLP processes and
techniques so that you can take charge of your life and create the destiny that
you want to live so if that sounds good make sure you click that subscribe
button right down here so that you can get these videos on a regular basis so
what is this parts integration thing it's also known as conflict integration
and it's one of the things that you know P is very well known for especially when
it comes to helping people get beyond self-sabotage so by the end of this
video you're going to understand how you divide yourself and create internal
conflicts and how you can overcome them this is something that is part of my
life's work when it comes to the coaching that I do and the teaching that
I do I could almost sum it up by saying
everything's integration so if you want to see what I've used to help not only
myself but hundreds of clients get past obstacles self-imposed obstacles and
self-sabotage this is a video for you before I get into this I would like to
know a little bit more about you tell me about something you feel like you keep
sabotaging yourself you what there's something you want to do you go after it
but for whatever reason you seem to mess it up or you stop doing it let me know
in the comments below I'd love to hear from you so I get this question all the
time and I hear people talking about this a lot they want something really
bad and they've had oftentimes they've had a lot of false starts or starts that
didn't then where they didn't see things through to the end so they get excited
they get motivated maybe they went to a seminar maybe they got some fresh new
affirmations and so they get up in the morning and they're like okay I'm gonna
go do this and maybe for a week or two you do it you you you're you stick to
the plan you're going after the goal but then it all just kind of seems to fall
apart well it's happened to me several times and then I've learned to overcome
this and one of the ways that you overcome nurse is by understanding
yourself better not by trying to get rid of the part of you that you perceive as
sabotaging you and that's what I get a lot from people who come to me for
coaching they say hey I'd you know I keep stopping
I keep getting lazy or something like that and I just want to get rid of this
part of me and I go you know no even if I could help you with that I wouldn't
because all parts of you are valuable and this is the first understanding that
have involved parts integration that even if it seems like there's a part of
you that is holding you back make friends with it know that it's not
really that's not what its purpose is just to hold you back make your life
miserable or any of those things but we tend to demonize that part of ourselves
now there's a reason why this part of you is unconscious or it feels the way
that it does is because you are trying to push it away this is the thing that
you're trying to outrun when you're going after our goal but this part of
you because it's part of you is actually your ally it's sort of like your hands
right so you could get angry at your hand if you're overweight and you feel
like this is the hand that is creating the problem because it's putting the
food in your mouth well that would be silly wouldn't it so we wouldn't wanna
go cutting off our hands thinking that this is the key to me hitting my fitness
goals that doesn't work that way your parts are the same way if there is a
part of you that appears to be trying to stop you from something well first of
all you know that this part of you is unconscious because you don't know
anything about it all you're doing is you're making a judgement about it and
saying well this is the part of me that's trying to stop me so welcome that
part of you presuppose that that part of you has a positive intent for you
because it actually does and when we think about it we in order to do this
well you want to create you want to come up with not create you want to come up
with something in your life where you're trying to do exactly that like you're
trying to do something but something's holding you back so I'm going to use a
specific example so it's this will be super easy to understand and I suggest
that when you do this that you also choose a specific example so that you
can get specific results not very vague results so one of them that I hear a lot
is is when it comes to health eating right and exercising and this took me a
while to sort out for myself as well have to say that I do have that really
well sorted out it's sort of on autopilot it makes it super easy so you
want to get healthier and that means you need to eat right and you need to
exercise when you go to do these things you start off really well and then
something happens you go back to eating the food that you that's not good for
you when you start procrastinating etc this
the story is old right so get in touch with that part of you and there is a
part of you that is seemingly holding you back that's bringing you back to
those other activities that you don't want to do and what you can do if you're
doing this with yourself is you can actually write this out and I recommend
that you do because it involves eliciting your values so there's the
plastination
so there's a part of you that wants to be healthier and there's a part of you
that doesn't want to do that it doesn't want to spend the time and doesn't want
to do the work to get healthier so you could say this is the part that's
sabotaging you but let's get clear about what this part actually is and again you
don't have to use this example you could use any other example you just want to
determine the two parts just give them a name to work with so let's talk let's
let's find out what it is why I want to be healthier so if I say okay well yeah
why is that what what would being healthier do for me or what's important
for me to be healthier and so I could say well live longer I'm a-saying and
better live longer and better better quality of life so what would having a
better quality of life do for me oh I think I'd be happier wouldn't I yeah
and what would being happy do for me probably be more joyful and what would
what's important about being joyful I did give me a tremendous sense of
freedom okay so I got these high level values that I've elicited now I want to
go here and I'm gonna ask myself what is the positive intent of procrastinating
another word for positive intent is value so we're looking for the value in
procrastination the positive intent and procrastination
and that might sound really strange to you but this is one way that we sort of
welcome this behavior and embrace it instead of trying to push it away but
it's it's often true if not always true that we don't really do anything for a
negative intent now behavior might come out that way at start a certain level it
may feel like we have a negative intent but if you go deeper and deeper and
deeper and you really go into any behavior I can assure you almost always
you will find at the core a positive intent so presuppose that about every
part of yourself at every part of yourself is trying to do something for
you in a positive way often we make decisions at a very young age without
much experience and we just go oh well I'm doing this or on this from this
point on and then that decision goes unconscious that decision turns into a
belief or a generalization and then that belief affects our behavior for the rest
of our lives unless we go under the hood and rewire this thing and say okay yeah
I made that just you know it's often so unconscious you don't know when or why
you made that decision and that's why you go deep inside and you find out what
was motivating that and then take that value and still use it and grow that
part of yourself up which is common it's a common thing that happens when you're
doing a process like this so what is the positive intent of procrastination well
maybe it's because I want to have fun
and by the way when you're listening you're positive intent a lot of people
first start off by saying it in a negative what I don't want I well I
don't want this or don't want that or I don't want to be too rigid you know that
might be your response but that's we need to get this as a positive intent we
need so it needs to be stated in the positive I don't want to be rigid okay
well what's what do you want instead oh I want to have fun okay
and if you have fun then what does that do for you well maybe it helps me relax
so and what's important about relaxing hmm
puts me at peace okay what does being a peace do for me oh you know it makes me
happy and what happens when you're happy I feel joyful what happens on when I'm
joyful I feel a sense of freedom so you see where this is going
now it doesn't always work out that smoothly but which you will never ibly
find is common values between the parts why because if you go high enough and
your values at your core your values all kind of find the same place it's kind of
like all the rivers find their way to the ocean so when you have that that is
already the start of the integration you go wow yeah they're both of these things
are doing very positive things for me or at least attempting to and so we have
common values so this is really a useful part of myself now some people use the
visual squash method which isn't quite as in-depth as this and then you hold
the two parts out on your hands like this and you find the positives and both
and then you say okay well how can we work together and then you try to bring
this together and then if your hands can come together then it means it worked
now that it's it can be a really beautiful process I just found it
doesn't work that much so I like this process better and then you can start to
strategize well okay how can these two parts work together to both make you
healthier and of course it's not about really about procrastination it's more
about having fun and relaxing okay well maybe if I every week I at the
end of the week after doing my exercising every single day and eating
well I give myself a cheat day and I give myself a day off where I don't
exercise so I can really enjoy it and I'm gonna enjoy it even more because I
spent the whole week exercising and sticking to my plan and eating right so
that might be one way that you do it you find ways to reward yourself so you have
a cheat day or if I do if I stick to this every two weeks or every maybe
every month I go on a trip I allow myself to go on a trip so you find ways
to integrate fun and relaxation into your plan for being healthier this works
amazingly well you want to come up with strategies and behaviors that you can do
then merge these two together you can go deeper on this process but for now I'm
gonna I'm gonna go ahead and bring this part of it to an end and just say get
started on this don't don't try to go too complex too soon if you can really
really elicit this and understand it and then find out the common values and how
to create a strategy around this and then a plan that you execute just you'll
see your this whole process will go so much better for you okay now you know
one way to integrate two parts of yourself two parts especially if they're
in conflict with you if you would like more cool NLP techniques like this one I
have a four part video series you can go to the description right here there's a
link you click on that link also I'll put it in the comments I'll pin it to
the top click on that link and you get immediate access to the first video and
then another video will follow over the next three days so go ahead and get
yourself that four-part video series so you can learn some other really cool NLP
techniques like this one if you like this video make sure you click the like
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