(upbeat music)
- [Narrator] "I believe in soulmates".
Strongly agree, strongly disagree?
Answer in the comments below and suggest a prompt
on our Kickstarter.
- I have dealt with homophobic people just like anyone else,
and there's a lot I can handle.
But what I can't handle is seeing you hurt.
(tense music)
- [Announcer] "We were pressured into getting married."
3, 2, 1, go.
- All right, so we're Mormon, like LDS
and there's a lot of pressure in our church to get married.
Especially at our church school that we went to,
everyone gets married really fast.
We got married after like five months
'cause we wanted to, and you know, we loved each other.
But I feel like it definitely, like there are
like some more like societal pressures in that aspect.
So that's why I don't like strongly disagree,
but I mostly disagree 'cause I don't feel like we were.
- Yeah. I feel like we were kind of not necessarily
pressured to get met married,
but more pressured to date for marriage.
But then once we met each other and told our families
they were like, "Hey, maybe you should slow down."
So we're more so pressured not to get married, but.
- Yeah, I would say 0% pressure.
Like when I first saw this woman, I was like,
"Ooh, I gotta get to know you girl."
And I honestly, we had both been through broken homes
before, we both come from divorced families.
And a big passion we have is having a strong marriage.
And so I was just, I never been more confident
about anything in my life than Amber J.
There was zero pressure. It was all pressure on me like,
"I gotta hope she's feeling the same way.
'Cause I'm feeling you."
(laughing)
- And we actually dated for less than a year as well.
But when you know, you know, right.
- [Announcer] I have some hot takes submitted by
our audience. And so, I'll read off the prompt
and you'll agree or disagree with the prompt.
"Women do more work in marriages."
- I feel like no one should be doing more work than the
other person in a marriage, personally.
I feel like in order for a marriage to work
you have to come at it equally.
That might be just an idealistic view, but I don't know.
- Yeah. I feel like, like as a general statement, most
of the women I know, and including the women who
have raised me, had a job. They also took care of the kids
like most of the of time. Most of the household chores also
fell on like, you know, on the woman.
And I do just see that more often than not, that women
take on two jobs, literally
- [Announcer] "I have considered divorce."
- You know, we learned this in a marriage class where
there's a rhino and a hedgehog in every relationship
marriage. And so Charlie's very much the rhino.
He's like, "Let's tackle this now, we need to talk now."
And for me I'm a hedgehog, I need to withdraw.
And so I think in those moments, I don't know,
I think I'm more here.
It's just like, well, you know
when you're in the heat of the moment, you know what I mean?
- Yeah, no, I definitely know
that our communication styles are totally different.
We didn't communicate well at first.
I know Kenzie comes from a divorced family and then saw
their family just fight and yell a lot.
I came from a family where my parents had a disagreement,
they fought with passive aggressive comments
and closed doors. So having disagreements, having those
uncomfortable and hard conversations, just wasn't easy
for me at all.
And so divorce sounds a heck of a lot easier
than pushing through it, which luckily we did.
We're doing great. We're happy now.
But there definitely was a time where yeah,
it seems easier to just drop everything and move on
instead of trying to grow.
- [Announcer] "I am happy with how often we have sex."
- There's a hedgehog, there's a rhino,
then there's a rabbit.
I feel like I'm the rabbit in this marriage.
And my expectations and my sex drive is,
my libido's very high, but it's always been that high.
So we've, I came in honest, it was on the table.
- I feel like sometimes, you know, work and life get in the
way of that, responsibilities.
But I think, yeah (laughs), we're tryna find a middle.
- You know, we're both here.
It'd be, you know, I think if we had split and it would be
like evidence that we're not talking about it (laughs).
But I think this is not a surprise to me.
I don't think it's a surprise to you that we're both here
'cause it's something we talked about.
- I think, yeah. I think it's like something we're working
through and it's just like, when you get married
you get into like this routine.
You get into like just working and going, you know?
And then at the end of the day, you're just like, spent.
We're both like really two ambitious people.
And I think like sometimes it's the detriment
of the household sometimes, on both ends.
Not just you, but like, yeah.
- [Announcer] "I want children." 3, 2, 1 go.
- If we could, we would've had a baby yesterday.
- Yeah.
- But because we're same sex, there's a lot of costs that go
behind making a baby.
So, we bought a house last year and that was huge for us.
- Now kids are on the table and that's another, you know
$40,000 that you're looking at per kid.
And if we want two, that's a house and then some. 80,000.
- And as women, our clock is tickin'.
The older we get, the less time we have to make it happen.
So for us it's a little different.
- So we actually have like infertility struggles a lot.
We've had three miscarriages.
We actually just had one recently.
And so it's like, the topic of kids is
like super sensitive to us 'cause like we actually,
our miscarriage happened like last week.
And it was like really like hard 'cause we were so excited,
we told our families, and we were like so excited to like
announce to everyone at Christmas and, sorry (cries).
It like breaks my heart because like I know like it's
bringing us closer together but it's like one
of the hardest things we've had to go through together.
Because it's like, I know Tyler's gonna be an amazing dad
but like I feel bad.
(stutters) I feel bad 'cause I've told him before I'm like,
"It's fine if you like, wanna go marry someone else
and have kids, 'cause I know I can't provide that."
- Yeah, no it's been really hard to deal with
just because like, it's not the most I guess, accepting
topic to talk about.
I know a lot of people feel very awkward whenever
that conversation does come up.
Like my parents have tried to help us out
but don't really know how.
- Like it kind of makes me want to like be over
there sometimes where I'm just like,
"No, it's not worth it. Like, the heartache and the
financial struggles. It's just not worth it."
But at the end of the day, it's like, I know it's worth it.
I know this is where I wanna be.
- [Announcer] "I don't like my partner's family."
3, 2, 1, go.
- This is challenging (laughs)
- Speak your truth.
- I know, I know.
Um, I think there are there are certain members
of your family that I absolutely adore.
- [Jay] It's okay.
- And I think there was a time and place where I really
wanted to love your mom.
And then there's a time and place where I just can't.
I have very thick skin, I knew what I was like
signing up for. I've dealt with like homophobic people,
just like anyone else, and there's a lot I can handle.
But what I can't handle is seeing you hurt.
And that's the hardest part because like you're so amazing
and she's gonna miss out on so much.
- I mean, I totally understand why you're standing there.
I wish you could stand here with me, but I was raised
in a super homophobic family and unfortunately
you can't really choose who you're born into.
So I totally understand your frustration, because I
carry that frustration and I've carried that
throughout my whole life.
- I'm shocked you're there (laughs).
- No, I'm not. I think this is a silver lining, right?
Like when I married you, I gained a family.
And even though I might disagree with certain points
of view in your family, overall your family has been loving
from the moment I stepped into your life.
And I'm really appreciative of that
'cause I feel like I put a lot of pressure on my friends
because they are my family.
But when I met you I feel like your family
filled in that hole.
- I think that's like the beautiful thing about marriage
is that like you guys, you get to set like a new precedent.
Like you get to set a new like standard for your family.
And like that's what's so beautiful about it.
Like you don't have to take on, you know,
what your family brought or what your family gave to you.
This can make something new, so.
- [Announcer] "There are things my partner doesn't know
about me." 3, 2, 1, go.
- For me it's like, I've had like a lot of like hardships in
my life that's like, it takes time to unlock,
you know what I mean? And like talk about.
And I feel like if I was to like trauma-dump,
like you'd need therapy too.
- I mean, you did trauma-dump on me like before we
met know though. (group laughing)
We met on a dating app and her first messages to me before
we were going on date she was like, "By the way I went
through this, this, this, this, this, this, and this within
the last like 12 months or so."
- I trauma-dumped on you on our first date.
So I was like, "Okay, if she's still here at the end of the
date, then obviously I have to marry you."
And like here we are.
And I think if there's anything I don't know,
it's the new things that we explore together.
Not necessarily super focused on the past,
like what you ate on your third birthday.
Like, probably don't know that, but like, you know,
let's go explore something new because like
this is, you're my future.
- [Announcer] "I'm with my soulmate." 3, 2, 1, go.
- This is an interesting question.
I think I have like a disagreement with the term soulmate.
Me being over here is not me saying that you're not the
person that I'm supposed to be with.
It's just me saying that like, I had so many opportunities
to do so many different things and go down different roads
in my life, and I chose this one.
And then every day I'm gonna have to continue
to choose this one.
- Yeah, I didn't know that's what soulmate meant to you.
Yeah, first time hearing you explain it that way.
I mean, for me like soulmate is just someone you just
know you want in your life.
And when you and me got together I was like, there was just
no fear, there was no, like there was just nothing else.
Like I had no hesitation.
- Going back to the beginning, we talked about
when you know, you know, and so I feel like we did not meet
by accident. It was definitely a divine orchestrated event
for us to cross paths, since I grew up in LA and Charlie
grew up in Detroit, Michigan.
And so, it was for a reason.
Good marriages don't just happen, right?
It definitely does take work, intentional time,
but I wouldn't wanna do it with anyone else, so.
- Jay as lesbian you've known, you've loved women from
like very beginning. I identify as bisexual.
Before I met you I never wanted to get married.
When I was with women maybe I wanted men.
When I was with men I wanted women.
It just felt like there was always something missing.
And then I met you and everything changed in my soul,
in my body and in my choices.
And so I used to not believe in soulmates 'cause I felt
like, how can out of whatever billion people in this world,
you just matched with one and like the universe aligns?
It's just too much work for the universe,
like I feel sorry for it.
But when it works out, there's just no other explanation
that so much inside of me can change by meeting one person.
- [Announcer] That is a wrap.
(group clapping)
- [Jay] We did it, we survived.
(group cheering)
- We did it.
(group chatting and laughing)
- Good job. Good job.