how does one detach when getting personally attacked and take extreme
ownership with false claims and what does one do once when a subordinate
always goes above the chain of command instead of working out issues with the
coworker okay I'm this isn't the clearest question that I've ever
received I'm gonna try and I'm not sure if I completely understand it but I'm
gonna try and sort of answer to the best of my ability I think what we're talking
about here is that someone is telling me that something it's my fault and that is
a false claim is that that's the question right I think you're making a
false claim and saying like this is your responsibility Jocko you were supposed
to press record and it's false because I wasn't supposed to press record like
let's say well yeah or or maybe like record was pressed like that there is no
issue you know well then why would you why would why would that become a
personal attack yeah yeah so the personal attack is chokku you didn't
press record yeah and now the question is what do i
do then because because we both know who's in charge of pressing record here
yeah who is me okay so you're in charge of pressing record if you all of a
sudden we we are 40 minutes into a into a podcast and we haven't pressed record
the record has button has been pressed and all of a sudden it comes to light
and you say chuckle you didn't press record now what this person is saying
that's a false claim gotcha that's not my responsibility it's truly not my
responsibility now I'm not actually why should I be doing that yeah and you know
what I'm gonna say you know what I'm gonna say yes sir I do which is you know
what it is my responsibility because I'm here it's primarily my voice that's
being recorded and from now on I will make sure that that gets recorded it's
my fault I will take care of it from now on by the way now what is your job
responsibilities in this whole podcast nothing nothing to do
if you're not pressing record you're not nothing to do it yeah so how does that
feel it doesn't feel it doesn't feel good you don't like that but when I take
away that responsibility you're actually becoming clawback from me you're gonna
say you know what actually you know it was your fault when that happened but
you know what from now on since you screwed it up I'm gonna take ownership
of it and you know what I say is that cool that's awesome yeah good point
since you are over there with the recorder and since you're a technical
guy and I'm not at least a lot of sense won't we go with that from now on you
own it yeah I shouldn't have dropped the ball
last time you know so that's that so there we go I don't it I fix it if by
the way if you don't want responsibility back if you just say cool yeah you press
record from now on okay cool I will yeah and then guess what I'll start thinking
about how much I need you around here yeah cuz really what else do you bring
to the table and they'll bill alright so that's question number one the question
number two as far as detaching so I don't get emotional
that's if someone is blaming me if someone is blaming me if you start
blaming me or something I actually looked at that right out of the gate I
see that as a psychological victory for me because because you're blaming me
like you're blaming you're not taking ownership I already won man I already
want so there's no I'm not getting emotional about that that's they're
blaming me because they don't have the the wherewithal to actually take
ownership themselves I see that as a weakness of theirs and I'm fine with it
and that's why I don't I'm not gonna I don't need to get emotional cuz I'm
sitting there going wow this person just served me up on a silver platter the
fact that they don't want to take ownership and they're gonna give it to
me are you kidding me I'll take this all day long
another thing is and I've said this before I can't be respect I can't be
disrespected by someone that doesn't even respect themselves yeah you know
what I'm sayin yeah you can't just respect me if you
don't even respect yourself if you're just you know like a bum in the street
is whether where the thing came from you know someone that's just a you know a
drunk bum laying in his own vomit and wants to you know look at me and say you
with a good dirt bag yeah like okay dude yeah carry on with your day yeah that
you you're not gonna affect me so how in the same vein if how can I be
disrespected by you when you tell me you and you blame me for something when I
realize what's happening right now is you don't even have enough respect for
yourself to take ownership or something yeah this is just a wind so that's the
second part of that I think the third part of the question is a subordinate
that that goes up the chain of command instead of working working out the
issues with the coworker that's pretty pretty easy I'm not gonna solve those
problems for you oh you got a problem down the chain of command with your
coworker your peer and you guys aren't working it out and you want me to solve
your problem no you go figure it out and come back to me the solution and now
I'll do that a couple times if eventually they can't come up with a
solution guess what I have I have a problem I have a real problem and I will
solve it and they're not gonna like my solution because it probably involves
them neither one of them being there any more extreme case but what I will do is
I say okay come and read me the facts mm-hm you really want me to make a
decision about this cool I'll do it but I always felt horrible in fact I don't
even know if I ever did this going to my boss to make a decision about something
that I should have agreed with my peer there's you know what I'd rather just
for me I'd rather say hey you know what you want to do it your way I go fine
let's go with it it's close enough you oh you want to take the lead cool
you take the lead I'll support you no problem that's what I'm here for I want
the team to win I know you're concerned about you I don't know that's fine
that's fine I'm here for the team so let's do it your way
so that it works out yeah not one of my boss and complaining that's just
ridiculous I don't think I've ever been in a corporate scenario but it seems
like that that's easy to see in other people you know like where you know how
like a situation where yeah let me let let my subordinate take lead it seems
like that could be a solid almost obvious answer for people yeah except
myself you know like I don't I don't always point that inward you know I'm
sure there's like people out there where it's like oh that this will saw
probably a lot of your problems just look at it this way and do it and do
that you know let let one of your subordinates like take lead on the stuff
and I would predict as far as that goes that most people would be pretty
surprised like oh yeah I guess I should I should do that yeah
you know at this point so you're saying that's a it's a pretty obvious solution
once you hear it yeah but you're also saying that's a difficult solution to
actually execute because most people put in the situation don't remember it yeah
they don't remember to point it inwards yeah even like literally you could be
getting this advice like right now you could be getting this advice but hey
chuckle that sounds like good advice and then they'll go like back to work and it
applies to someone else you know it's like you don't realize it like man I
should do that you know kind of thing yeah that's the trouble with learning
learning it's hard to apply it yourself yeah once again it's like jujitsu you
can watch I can show you how to do it yeah and then you can watch me do it and
then I can move your limbs around so that you do it and then we do a drill
when we drilled a move 20 times and then you get into a competition and they move
is there and you don't execute it you don't execute it correctly because you
haven't done it enough you know you have to do the move kind of do the move you
got to do the move